triumphgal

It sits, not so much on my shoulder but somewhere inside, maybe on a kidney, pushing down. I hobble along carrying the extra load, barely aware.. and then I become aware. I first notice the quiet in my responses, the effect on my sleep, the weird dreams. I awake sure I sold my car since I live two blocks from work. (I didn’t and don’t). Depression is the beast that lives under the bed. I never know when I am going to realize it has been creeping up on me. I do know that I have triggers and that the adrenaline rush of being hurt 11 days ago has an impact I can expect, anticipate, but not always quantify. I have had so many great things happen this week, few negatives.. and yet. I feel run down, I have to run all responses through a filter, count to three before reacting. My body is miraculous. It is a fast healer but the action of doing so seems to suck all ability to fight the chemical depression that hovers, waiting to pounce. I have many things holding space in my brain.. work for my own clients, the last of work for the Firm’s clients, Tech Director/Treasurer demands, strata council disfunction acted out from a bully, a renovation delayed due to my injury despite my new tub arriving today, promises made, and on and on and on. I had my X-ray today thanks to Cindy the GroundFloor Manager driving me. Sean and Diane came and picked up my tub to store in their garage for now. I am truly blessed by the community I have accepted and that I am slowly overcoming my severe “I can do it alone”ness. Tomorrow is another day and I will revel in the beauty of the glorious mountains covered in fresh snow, remember that it is fun to be beat by a friend at one of your favourite games and that getting my stitches out may not be as horrible as I fear.

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