Full on self preservation mode. I am trying hard to follow my creed to be a good person. I only have two modes right not though, either bite my tongue or full disclosure. I know I am doing the best I can but also know I am disappointing some people and will not meet all my promises. I will meet deadlines that involve the government. I will not complete all my volunteer obligations in the allotted time. I must learn to live within my limitations. It is hard as I have rarely given in to my brainstorms. This feels strongly as though I should honour the time of hibernation, hunker down and let the storm pass. There are people directly in my daily circle that have children at a private school with confirmed Covid. It feels too close. I set up my coffee station in my office. Although ironically I am supposed to cut out caffeine amount other things.
I heard from the internist today and he does not feel that the hernia is big enough to have caused my issues. He wants to refer me to an ear nose and throat specialist. I broke down and told him i am concerned for my mental health as there is no way to know how long that referral will take. he said he would write a letter along with the referral and check in on me in three weeks. He also told me for the first time in 5 years that the pills I am taking should be on an empty stomach and twice a day. So, mostly I am disappointed and overwhelmed and just want to shut my door and tell the world to Fuck Off. My response to everything right now should be No, just no.
triumphgal 