I heard a knock on the door and there was masked up Lukas here to pick up his uncle Jake’s Christmas presents to go in the box Ashlée and Rae were putting together to mail today. Lukas was very happy to get to see the cat first. She peeked around a corner at him. I figured I had better get my Mom’s present in the mail as well so I headed off to Shopper’s. Got there around 9 and was 3rd in line. By the time I was done there was another 10 or more behind me, I was lucky for the timing. I also mailed some Christmas cards. The fun thing about that is putting US and International stamps on them. Isn’t it weird that the US isn’t considered International? I had a very productive day today with visits from clients and co-board members etc. I was able to just concentrate on one file and get it done in the afternoon which was satisfying as well. I really really really love my new office space. I want the whole world to visit and enjoy the vibe.
I did make time to put a message in What’s App group for ABCs to let them know about the medical stuff. I really have come to think of them as family and appreciate the love and support. I must remember to ask how Celia is doing with her Covid..
In telling the story I was able to touch base with the fear I had around my voice. As an actor and organizer and strong communicator who’s PTSD revolves around being silenced, it really scared me. I have had hands around my neck, been told my opinion doesn’t matter and was brought up pretty much that children should be seen and not heard. The day I found out my mother and sister had died when I was a baby I was told it happened a long time ago and to stop crying. I wanted to be heard but did not feel my voice had value. Now when I express myself too much, some would say, I ran the risk of not being able to actually speak. I am aware that the people from my childhood that I felt closest too were the ones who listened. Rosie, Uncle Bryan and Auntie Lynne, The Willoughbys and The Logans, my Nana and Grandad, Uncle Roland. There are others but those were the one’s I bonded to early.
I feel that sometimes this platform can run the risk of my becoming maudlin but it really does help me to express all the random thoughts. My brainstorms occur when there is too much and no outlet. That is the way it was at the end of October when I left the Firm once and for all. I was hurt that last day and couldn’t bear to deal with it so I let it fester. I became a victim of my own silence and depression could have silenced me forever. I feel like all things in my life are pointing to healing at the moment. I got in to see the specialists way faster than I ‘should’ have and found answers finally after all the issues for the last long while. I made the decision to ask if I could move offices with the rest of the crew and am so happy. I have set boundaries and accepted requests where I feel I am best needed. I have acknowledged to myself where my true friendships lie and cultivated them. I miss my far away friends, especially in Bella Bella and Kent. I wonder when I will ever see them again but also know that if I never did I would have been blessed to have known them. I must keep my eye on the sparrow. Life is not defined in the minutia of crankiness but in the bigger picture of being part of a great machine making things happen. Oh I am droning on now. I think it was all kicked in by going to do a mystery shop at my local Safeway and then deciding to do groceries where I ran into my old boss. We talked for a very long time in the aisles and it felt good. We are friends and I missed her long before I left. Maybe we will connect again. Safeway had some interesting Poinsettia
I came home and put the Atlantic Salmon and Shrimp Tourneda I had picked up in my air fryer. 15 minutes later I had perfectly done deliciousness.
While that was cooking I began making savoury and sweet batches of nuts and bolts snacks for gifts. I have an unholy mess and no sink connected yet but Thursday is the last day at work for many of my co-workers so I wanted to get it done. I will make more for others soon. Some is also for my friend Diana who is also Emmy’s daycare lady. It is her birthday tomorrow and I will be sure to drop some off in some festive Tupperware just for her.
I don’t know why I put things like this off as I really do enjoy it. Especially when it isn’t baking and i can experiment with what I have. Missy let me cuddle her more today. Good night.
triumphgal 