04-18-2021 21,184 Days in the Life
That is it the exact number of days I have been on this planet. The last 392 of them have been solidly in this new Pandemic world. There is so much to look back on. So many hopes that we would have returned to the old ways, but the phrase ‘new norm’ has taken on a deeper meaning now. I suspect I will always feel more comfortable in a mask… or will I? I have always had an obsession about germs so I would mask it in a different way, block the fear out by just living and being. I overrode my fear with carefree indifference, a j’ois de vivre that would allow me to go out and do anything at all. I chose to be a hugger, even to strangers who I could feel really needed one. I kissed with passion and relished being in crowds, feeding on the energy of both. I ate from street vendors and shared meals from questionable kitchens, I brushed my teeth with the water in Foreign countries. I have been blessed with a strong constitution. This past 400 days has upset my equilibrium and I have found myself becoming even more judgy and afraid. Risk assessment levels have increased. I rely on the knowledge that in general fear is based on the unknown. I will only break through when I have jumped back on the horse.. or plane.
This eve of my 58th birthday I once again look to as a New Year’s Eve of sorts. I have mulled on the things I have enjoyed this year and make intention to do more of them. I choose to spend more time one on one with my kids and grandkids, FaceTime/Zoom with dear friends and family, puzzle and garden and craft, walk near water as much as possible, keep my home ready for company and pay attention to self care. I do feel as though it has been a circuit breaker reset for my life. I choose to see that positive but be so aware of the lives lost. I will continue to write letters, send cards and express gratitude. I will continue to work on my attitude as just being straight up is not an excuse for rudeness or leaving anyone feeling judged. I will own my shit and clean up the messes I sometimes make… because it is never too late, there is always time for personal growth and deepening of relationship.
Today I didn’t even get dressed until near 3 pm and then Rae and I planned to go for a walk but it started to rain so we walked in the mall which thankfully was nearly deserted and we were able to even browse in empty stores. We both felt sorry for the shop keepers. We did go to Winners where I picked up a colander to use to hold my clothes pegs. As it turned out it suited my kitchen best and I used my antique one to hang outside.
Such a change of weather from yesterday that it even started snowing!
It was a puzzle day again. I am getting some of the easier ones done as I work toward the Star Wars and Marvel ones…
Off to sleep now, for tomorrow brings the start of another spin round the sun
triumphgal 