08-18-21 what to do
There comes a time..
I don’t know what to do, what to write.
Thoughts are swirling but snitches hover. I can not speak my truth, express my feelings, lest someone take offense to my own emotions. There is a lot of verbiage out there about letting other people deal with their shit and just owning your own, about feeling all the feels and expressing it to let it go… but really, I am muzzled because I now have a ’platform’ and a voice. I sometimes wish I had kept this blog a big old secret so that I could say what ever I want to strangers without risk of the gauntlet of judgement from some people I know. Maybe this is reaching out to Sebastian, an avid reader from far away who only knows me through what he learns here. Maybe I want him to know how much it matters that he follows along in spite of the fact there is no one in his circle to gossip about me to. My expression is rarely ever to shame anyone, it is a venue for me to express and let go. I have friends that I love and trust, besties, who read between the lines and check in on me. I don’t want to worry them. I am not suicidal and I know I have value on this planet but I am fed up. People don’t realize the harm they can do by shunning, cutting off communication, actively ignoring or leaving someone out. It is so simple to just be kind and inclusive.
Proof that I still see value in being here is that I see joy when it presents its self.
I received photos of my Willys being worked on and lots of questions and comments. I am excited about that, especially after the recent scare!
I made a scrumptious dinner with a perfect amount for my lunch container left over
Went for a walk with my Neighbour after dinner and inspected the crazy road levels and access problems. I forgot to take pictures as I was enjoying the exercise and the company. It was so great to get to hang the AirBnB linen on the line today
I remembered to check my furnace filter and was not horribly surprised how gross it was, and that was from the air in my place. No wonder I have to dust and clean so much. My tent trailer is very dirty from the air.
My friend sent me a lovely picture of the glass of wine she was enjoying so I returned the favour with this….
triumphgal 