01-17-22 He’s 65!
I worked long and hard on many payroll files today. I was glad for the quiet and few interruptions. Unfortunately there are at least three away taking precautions to feel or stay healthy. I was exhausted from concentrating so hard and glad for having done groceries and came home to make a pizza with a wholewheat pita, some bruschetta and grated cheese under the broiler. It was tasty and a good serving even if I gobbled it down. The rest of the evening was spent watching 90 days and then the first two episodes of “And Just Like That” which was a heart-wrenching trip down memory lane. I look forward to more.
It is my first husband’s 65th birthday today, the father of my daughters. There are so many thoughts flying in my head when I stop to really think about how different our lives would be should my post-partum depression not have been left untreated. We get along very well now. Every once in a while I completely forget that we were married once, that we despised each other for a time, that my heart raced in my chest when I got the news he’d been nearly killed in an accident, years ago. I think it even stranger to process that he is retirement age today. I was a stay at home mom when we were together. I cooked and cleaned and sewed and canned and crafted and did all the things.. and I left when I was barely 25. Now from the vantage point of 58 it is hard to feel so much closer to the end than the beginning. Bill is already 5 months older than my Dad was when he died. It felt too young 18 years ago, now it proves to be a life cut too short. Bill is a good man, and life became what it was supposed to for both of us. I envy what he has, I cherish what I had in the years between. It’s funny though, how often I am reminded that I am the one who left. For this whole month whenever I glanced at my calendar I wondered what we would do to celebrate Bill. I found out after the fact, that it happened last night. So I wished him a happy birthday on Facebook, like every one else, and got on with my day.
triumphgal 