01-27-22 A Simple life
I have lived an ‘interesting’ life. I wonder what the next 20 or so will bring. It is up to me I suppose to pick a path of least resistance and most joy. I have challenged myself, overcome fears and downfalls, and come out satisfied. I am experiencing regrets for the first time in my life, a side effect of aging, I suppose. I have lived under the false pressure of thinking I had to do something, be someone, leave a legacy. I was given the legacy of trauma, that is not what I want to leave for my decedents. I think I may need to make at least a 5 year plan, make a list of the things I would regret not doing. I am so caught up in the pandemic fear, I am giving up things I have previously thought I never would. Some of those choices are well made. I can only work on my weaknesses, leave others to be themselves, supporting them when they need it. Tonight I go to sleep aware that my Auntie Ollie is in her end days. It is likely anyway, with her failing health. At 93 one does not have many reserves. I wish I could see her, spend time laughing but the Pandemic keeps me away, aware of her fragility. I can only continue to FaceTime and text with her daughters, be here with hugs when they need them. We all play a part in this circle, this world, this life. I need to be my best for others who are suffering in my circle at this time, give them positive energy, not drain it.
triumphgal 