03-05-22 A depth of good-byes
Good-byes come in many forms, each takes a different kind of processing. today encompassed three types for me.
I had set my alarm for 9 to be ready for our regularly scheduled Zoom meeting with the ABC crew and rolled awake at 9:38 in time to brush my teeth, throw on something presentable, make a coffee and sign in. It happened that Carol-Ann and I were the first two on and I took opportunity to ask one question about her daughter’s death. ‘Accidental or intentional?’ I was gobsmacked by her reply…. Murdered. I was glad I asked because she was able to share the story with the group of us as they joined in and it allowed her to talk freely about the situation that is still under investigation. It turns out Ciara was the one in the news that I had seen but not known. I won’t speak of all the details but it was in the news that her body was found in her car. This was so shocking and explained so much as she was actually doing so well in life and it didn’t make sense that anything had happened of her own doing. The group was so supportive and I am glad we were there for her to share and be cared for.
The next on my list was to FaceTime with my Jackie as it was her birthday. As always I had to do the talking and it is so clear in her responses that she understands completely and happily communicates with her facial expressions and sounds. I so miss her words and am grateful for the ability to connect and laugh and sometimes cry together. I miss the friend I knew but love the one I still have.
Early in the day a friend reached out to see if I wanted to go for dinner and I was really looking forward to it as he will be leaving town soon. It was a wonderful visit that began at 5:45 when I met him at the Heidout and just ended with me arriving home just before 1 am. I haven’t had a great night out and visit like that in literally years. We talked and talked, laughed and ate and then went to see a movie with another friend of his. (The Batman was longggggg and dark and neither of us loved it). I will miss him when he leaves even though we haven’t stayed besties. Deep connections don’t have to happen every day to make a friendship real and this was real. I hope to visit him wherever he ends up in the world.
The best part of today was basically ignoring email and just staying in the moment, feeling everything as it came along and processing the different losses, being grateful for knowing Ciara, Jackie and Varghese. They are all good people and I am thankful to (have) had them in my life. Saudades
I also took time to strip my bed and after the sheets were washed, hang them on the line. From a snowy day yesterday to laundry on the line today… Springtime is nigh. I probably should have brought them in before I left for dinner as they may be covered in snow again when I awake, but they will be fresh!
triumphgal 