03-11-22 I shouldn’t have looked it up
After a long, only somewhat fitful sleep I began to feel human again today. I was supported with all love from many and managed to get a lot of work done in spite of my inability to multitask. I am afraid I was a bit stern with my Mom. I know she is sitting home alone, too many miles away worrying but she calls during the day and brings it all up, giving examples of people who had things removed that weren’t Cancer. It reminded me of being pregnant and everyone wanting to tell their horror stories. I admit to wanting to just put my head in the sand and not talk about it anymore. On the other hand, being able to talk about it makes the headaches go away. I had spoken with my client who owns two Cannabis stores yesterday and today with my permission she had her most knowledgeable employee call me to ask some questions and make a suggestion as to a product that would help me sleep. I paid with a card and then another employee came from Kimberley and dropped off the capsules at my work. How wonderful they all are. I have taken one now and will see if it helps tonight. I just got back from the hockey game which we won 6-3 and I am glad I made myself go. It was weird to see so many faces again but there were still quite a few of us wearing masks and as we passed each other there was eye contact and a nod. I have to stay well so I will wear one for the rest of the month.
My better mood disappeared and I was overwhelmed when I got home from work and I finally took the time to read the paperwork from the Surgeon about what the proposed treatment would be. Laparoscopic Bilateral Salpingo-oophorectomies + omentectomy. The latter was the part that put fear into me. It is a procedure necessary for Ovarian Cancer because of the possible rapid spread. Those were real and hard words to read. The last line of his treatment plan says ‘If cancer is diagnosed you may need further surgery in Vancouver and/or need chemo/radiation’. I am a person who does need to know everything so I can prepare myself, but.. that is a lot to take in when you see it in print. I am fully aware that this will also be hard to read for those who know and love me but there is no point holding back now. When I picked up my mail tonight there was a lovely uplifting card from a client who does not know this is happening. She just wanted to make my day and all over the back of the envelope were encouraging sayings and funny thoughts. I called her to thank her about the Serendipity of it all. She said it gave her goosebumps and made her day to know she made mine.
I will keep holding on to the thought that this is NOT how my story ends.
triumphgal 