03-12-22 Waves
I woke up just after 6 this morning and began sobbing as I had been trying to decide in my near waking who should be with me to find out the results. I think my eldest has a lot on her plate and I don’t want to tip her over the edge, my middle is so much like me and she would be the best for remembering everything said but also I would worry about the emotional toll. I was left feeling like I should just be alone, ask if I can record the conversation and process it. After all the sobbing I reached out to my besties in England and they were so full of love and support that I was able to let it go for now. I took the advice of my friend Mark to watch happy shows. I poured a bath and tossed in the cannabis and lavender bath bomb I was gifted. I soaked in luxury and watched 5.5 episodes of The Book of Boba Fett which I had forgotten existed. I loved it and it made me happy to soak and enjoy it. I showered and readied to go to my spa appointment and then watched the last episode and a half while I ate. I really really enjoyed it and was in a calm and good spirit when I went for my appointment with Ireland to have my brows waxed and a manicure. We chatted just the right amount and that young lady helped me make a plan. I got deep blue nails that I love and will go back on the Saturday before the surgery to have them changed out to a special clear polish with nutrients to help them be healthy and which can be seen though by the doctors. She will do the same to my toes then as well and I will be good to go for a while. When I went to leave she had a bouquet of flowers, a beautiful note and a roller of stress relieving oil. Such a touching and generous gift from a gal in her 20s, she shall be mine forever. I stopped in at the office after to take care of some MusicFest business and then came home to start my biggest puzzle project ever. It is 32×45 and has all my Marvel Heroes in it. I figure now is the time if ever to do it. Joyful and time consuming. These next 19 days are going to continue to be a rollercoaster of emotions, this I know. Rae called me after work and I ran it past her about my asking someone to be there. She said I was doing the usual, trying to care for the one who will have to hear if it is bad news instead of just focusing on me and said she will be there if I want her to be. I am going to let it go now and just make the decision when the time comes. I am currently flipping hourly between wanting to hide under a rock and feeling alone. This medium is good for me though, I get to express it and let it go before heading to bed.
I am currently watching West Side Story, recent version and I can only say that the dancing is amazing but I am not sure I am the biggest fan. My favourite musical will always be Come From Away. I was blessed to see it, with three of my favourite people, in London having just arrived from Newfoundland. There is no way to top that!!
I have now started making lists in my head of the things I need to accomplish. First is to build my cat entrance so Missy can come and go while I am not here. I would like to have help. I am hoping Roger will have some time to assist. It will make me feel better about Missy being left alone while I am in hospital. Even if she is afraid to come near when someone is here to feed her and gets out, she will have a way to safely get back in. She will be stressed when I am not here.
triumphgal 