10-23-22 Still miss you Grandad
Today was my Grandad Bellavance’s birthday. He was born in Ought Five which seemed amazing to me as a kid, being born in 1905 and here we are in a time when that means 2005! I loved him dearly. I don’t think I have experienced that kind of unconditional love since. I was often threatened as a form of punishment, “what would your grandparents think?”. I hope that my grandkids just know I love them in my own weird way. I feel it deeply but am awkward at expressing it. I miss my Grandad and Nana, they saw the best in me.
Today I did laundry and went to a client’s for almost 5 hours. I found myself getting frustrated and hangry so I came home and made a delicious salad.
I have been slightly obsessing about my future plans. I watch a lot of the 90 day Fiancé series and am too likely to compare my own life and say, see that’s why I don’t go on apps anymore, there is no depth in short term relationships that attempt to be distanced ones. Is it the same with friends? Am I missing the people that I had intense wonderful times with but no real mirror that shows who we would be over a long time? Is that why I move often? 6 years here is a long time for me. When I think of moving am I running to or away? I have decided just to take it a day at a time, make lists, make plans, pack a bag and be ready to go. That keeps me dreaming of the future and grounded in the present, both of which are healthy for me. I do miss my Besties though. Xo
triumphgal 