02-02-23 addendum
Good Morning, I have just had almost 12 hours sleep and am having a bit of breakfast before getting ready for the office. Funny, I would have chosen to stay home today but I didn’t bring my laptop.
So yesterday…
The first sadness was learning that Gordon isn’t responding well to the chemo, that he had to be taken by ambulance and is getting rehydrated with his lovely Rhonda by his side. Fuck Pancreatic Cancer
The first shock was learning of an unconfirmed report that George died some time in the last two weeks. He was the janitor in the space I work and because of my late hours we shared many a conversation, an occasional meal and many good street meets since he stopped working there. I considered him a friend and it hits closer to home as he was a year younger than I am, a fact of which he often reminded me. I hope to learn more. Fuck whatever took him
I was feeling grateful that the the last of the T4s that I am directly responsible for are done and was working on VIMF email when the news came that Thom had passed peacefully that afternoon. I knew it was coming, was somewhat prepared but in the end, was broken. There is a special relationship that can result from being in a play together. The roles he and I played in The Tin Woman by Sean Grennan brought us together as grieving parents. We both fell into the roles and bonded as friends during it. I am so sad for Eleanor, their daughters and grandkids. I will miss our Santa. Fuck aggressive glioblastoma
I found myself having an anxiety attack, that I needed to FaceTime with my other ill friend just to see his face and know he is still doing ok. I did and he is and that was somewhat comforting. Fuck whatever it is causing his problems.
The only relief from it all was going to be sleep so I poured a hot THC bathbombed bath, ate a wee special cookie from a friend, put on Wakanda Forever and tried to relax. Seems I did, as I only made it half way through the movie (which I will have to watch again) before I was out and into bed. It wasn’t even 9 pm and I was glad to have turned off my ringer. I awoke momentarily at 11:30, usual bed time, and then my alarm was going off. I even snoozed it and ultimately slept almost 12 hours. I feel better over all. Grief is tough. For me, I can deeply miss those I don’t see very often, the most as there is always the expectation of running into them, of reconnecting. Instead there is a void created. As I pointed out to a friend, it would be easy to avoid if I didn’t make these connections in the first place… but what a sad life that would be.
Fuck it all, I’ll take the grief, as it is proof of love.
triumphgal 