02-28-23 And Feb’s a Wrap
Completed 28 days of no alcohol and today was the first time that I actually wanted to drink, to numb the feels and kick this cold once and for all. I did wake up feeling better than yesterday but I am still tired and phlegm filled and wore a mask most of the day. I was trying to get all I had to do completed at the office before taking Mom to her appointment at 2. I am really struggling these last few days to remain patient and kind with her as she doesn’t seem to tell me what I need to know to help her unless I win the ‘I asked the right question lottery’. After taking nearly half an hour to pick her up, load her and her walker into my car and get her to the Clinic we find out she doesn’t have an appointment there until Thursday. We were supposed to go to Interior Health Unit by the hospital. By now she is nearly worn out from walking and I am concerned about how long it is taking. I did put my name on both the clinic and IH files with my number so they will call to schedule with me as I am her transportation. It is so hard to watch her be able to walk only 10 feet or so and have to rest. She has very poor balance and has to lift her legs into the car. This is a rapid decline in the last couple weeks. She has now had x-rays and bloodwork and circulation tests so I hope we find something that can be solved. I am not good at this, being patient, being kind, when I am ill and worn out. I want to be better. I talked with my Brother to let him know how it is going and had a good cry talking to Rosie. I have to let it go to people who love her as I do. I am worried for her, I am just so struggling to see how she got her new hips and then just sat and wore out. I vow to try not to do the same. I will keep moving, keep healthy. I feel like a horrible human being… I know I am not, I care a great deal. I am just burned out right now.
triumphgal 