03-19-23 Skeletons and Generational Trauma
How does one process new information about a relative they adored over 25 years after they died? The last couple months have brought out a lot of information to process as Mom seems to have lost her filter. Today I messaged with a cousin and something came up that I had not heard before. We had a long talk about generational trauma and there was so much information that it was almost too much to process. I had a small conversation with Mom about it when I visited with her for a couple hours. She confirmed and told her own experience. I knew we had big issues in our family that were all swept under the carpet. The outside world thought we were such a perfect family but the generation of me and my cousins have been dealing with the fallout our whole lives and we are all virtually strangers because of it. We could have been so much support to each other if we had only known it was safe to talk about it. The main thing I remember is being taught not to talk about things. It is likely one of the reasons I have trouble breathing and lose my voice with stress. It is also really important if I feel heard when I speak my truth. I know that is a basic need for anyone but it comes from a deeper place in this case.
Rae-Anne visited with mom this morning and the Dr was there to let us know that she is being treated as if she has Grave’s disease. When I was there I really noticed the mental deficiencies getting worse. I have been told to find her a Dr as she needs to been seen twice a week ongoing. We are still waiting for the MRI.
I came home and made dinner and am trying to find peace as all that is processing through my psyche right now. Don’t want to undo all those years of therapy!
triumphgal 