Today was a lot of catch up, 136 email not counting spam to peruse and a bunch of work to get done before heading off to the client I pushed off on Friday. I finished there just before 7:30 and headed to see Mom. She was moaning and moving around so I stayed and visited, talking about the 70s and my interpretation of the strange life I was brought up in. She agreed that she was a total prude and Dad was an exhibitionist who didn’t really like wearing clothes or at least liked the feel of the air on his body. That made for a very strict and immoderate upbringing in the 70s, confusing in many ways to a kid. We laughed and shared our remembrance of different events, interested at the perspective. It seems to calm her to laugh and talk and she was able to ride it out until Greg and Cassidy arrived around 945. We all had a good visit and then the three of us grabbed fast food as we were starving, me after a long day of work and them after driving up from Salt Spring Island. Apparently there were some interesting weather related moments driving and the fog and snow were challenging a few times but they made it here safe. Greg is staying at Bill and Deanne’s and Cassidy is with me. I am very surprised that Missy seems cool with her, but then again she is special this niece of mine.
Woke earlier than I wanted to what with the time change and all but decided I should go see Mom. She looked a lot better today and had had a bath and her hair washed. Still not able to stand up unassisted but less pain than previously. Had a good visit and then Bill and Deanne came for a turn, followed by Donna. Donna also dropped me off some potato soup that was delicious. Dr. Nishi came while I was there and said the CT showed her the best looking brain she had seen in a long time but also found a lump in one of her parotid glands which they want to ultrasound and potentially biopsy although she is not worried about cancer. As they can’t get her partial denture out yet, they will likely do a body only MRI to find out why the mobility issues. I taught her how to answer a FaceTime so the kids and grandkids can connect with her. I started watching Daisy Jones and the Six while I waited for the Oscars. Mark recommended it and he was right, totally my kind of show. I also enjoyed the Oscars and got 11 of 23 guessed correctly.
I didn’t sleep as well as I hoped but once I was up and relaxing I started to feel a bit better. It helped that Mom’s cousin Donna went to visit her this morning and reported back that she seemed to be doing well. I took time for me to rest and watch Women Talking which was some powerful and then to start Triangle of Sadness which I will finish tonight. I did make sure to eat a nice Cobb Salad and fill my tank. I got ready to volunteer at Key City tonight, picked up my consignment earnings from a pair of shoes I sold and then stopped to visit with Mom for a couple hours. I was pleased to find her up sitting in a chair and gleefully doing her exercises. I met her nurse for the next three days, Jesse and he was very thorough in getting me to fill in the blanks, promised to watch for her pain levels after dinner and even got the Dr to come talk to me. Dr. Nishi is a lovely human being. She assured me there are no issues with her heart and that they will still be doing an ultrasound of her Thyroid and getting an MRI done. The problem is that her bottom partial denture won’t come out although she had it out on Thursday night. She has to get it loose for the MRI or they will only be able to do a CT scan. Of course the MRI will show much more detail so I have mom constantly trying to get the denture out. Her spirits seemed much better and I hope her evening is going better. Now that I am home she is not answering her texts so I am hoping it is because she is sleeping.
I did finish a puzzle on Thursday night that was fun to do and will start one tonight that is only 500 pieces but may prove to be more challenging.
It was good for me to volunteer bartend the night, refilled my emotional tank a bit
My alarm went off at 8 and I noticed 20 minutes later that Mom had called at 3:38 am. The message was awful and I called her residence to find out she had been taken by ambulance to the hospital. I threw on clothes and rushed there. It is now 10:30 pm and I have just come home. I couldn’t handle another minute watching her in pain. They are doing allllll the tests, no one seems to know what is going on for sure. The staff have been extraordinarily kind and loving. I left for two hours to take care of some things for her and then I have sat and stood by her bed, holding her hand, trying to calm her. I am nearly broken from taking it all and staying upbeat and loving as she deserves me to be. I promised to leave my ringer on so she can call if she needs to. There is nothing more I can do and I can’t get sick from losing a night. I didn’t eat properly or drink water today and must stay healthy so I can be there for her. Her cousin Donna is going to go in the morning and I am on the chart to be called if necessary.
Her day nurse was Ashlee spelled the same way as my daughter and her night nurse Arleigh asked if I was related to Donna Bellavance (my other step-mother). She had been Donna’s nurse for a year on Salt Spring Island, loves her and her sass and hopes she is doing well, What an incredible small world.
It snowed today. One of the chores was to take Mom’s car to Subaru and have it appraised for resale. My friend from poker league is the manager and Huy was very kind to let me know it was in our best interest to sell it privately as we would get more than double what he could offer. I love this small city I live in. My brother Greg is going to drive up on Monday and we will have to take care of some things and hopefully will have some answers.
Today was burger day for me in the middle of Burger Month in Cranbrook. For March, there are 16 restaurants all featuring an off the menu specialty burger and side for $20 with $5 of each one going to the Women’s Resource Centre. If you complete your card with 7 different ones you get a free beer at the end. It’s a win-win, good food and a good cause. I am not usually a burger person and a couple of them have had ingredients that give me indigestion, but still so worth trying them. Today I had lunch with a friend at the Fire Hall and had the Vagabond of Dinktown (Cranbrook’s nickname) and then a late dinner with Rae-Anne at Bayleaf Indian Fusion for the Butter Chicken Burger. I want everyone to try it, it was so messy that I ate it with a knife and fork.
When I was done what I needed to at the office I met Bill and he came and jump started Mom’s car, and then filled her low tires back at his place where we had a great garage visit over a couple beer. It is so nice to be friends after all these years. Not everyone is as lucky as we are to all be family after an acrimonious divorce 35 or so years ago. Rae-Anne and I had a good visit and catch up after taking Mom her laundry and making sure she was all good. I had a good talk with her brother and caught him up on all that is going on. I do love my Uncle Bryan.
Tomorrow I have a client in office in the morning and have to go to one late afternoon. In between I have a mission to take Mom’s car to the Subaru dealer and see what it is worth to sell and to get her some slippers like mine that she can slip on to walk about. And if I have energy left, I will go to the hockey game. Guess I had better get some rest!
I wanted today to be better than it was. I was horrified to see that my Mom couldn’t get out of her chair by herself when I went to pick her up for her physio appointment. We picked up her vial of B12 and went to her appointment using a wheeled chair after pushing her in her walker to the clinic. I was overwhelmed emotionally when she said it is like her feet aren’t listening to her brain. She has a CT scheduled for the 18th as they are concerned she may have had a small stroke in her sleep which has caused this sudden decline in her mobility. She kept saying she was sorry and I kept telling her not to be, that I am just so sad and afraid for what is going on and that we will get to the bottom of it. After the appointment I brought her home, changed her bed and brought all her laundry with me as she is unable to go down the hall to the laundry room. I did make her promise to go down to the dining hall tomorrow night for dinner as the physiotherapist and the Diabetes nurse say she needs to keep moving. I agree as she seems to get worse the longer she just sits. So hard to watch her age by the day. I got storage insurance put on her car so she doesn’t have to make a decision about it right away and her insurance runs out after Friday. Bill is going to go jump start it tomorrow and I will take it for a long drive to charge it up again. I had to go back to the office when I was done with her as I had been gone for 4 hours and needed to run a payroll still. Just got home and threw her laundry in. Gene and Lukas have offered to help her out in the future. They are good boys, and were going to get the bus there after school but I said I would do it this time. I am arranging a home care worker to come and assist her to shower weekly as it will be safer and more comfortable for both of us. Once the laundry is in the dryer I am going to climb into a tub and get a good sleep as I can’t get further behind at work. ‘Night all.
A few great things happened in the last two days. I got to FaceTime with my Jackie yesterday and decided to just enjoy the feels without even sharing it at day’s end. She was so thrilled to see me and kept pointing and blowing me kisses, celebrating when I responded that I had lost 45 pounds. It was absolutely lovely and teary. I promised to try to see her in July when I am down.
Today, I texted first thing this morning with my friend and asked him to seek out good places to solo travel. He messaged later that Iceland and Ireland kept coming up as the best places. I have always wanted to go to both but really want to go to Ireland. I may just fly there and hope my UK friends will join me! Something to think about for sure.
At the end of the day I picked up Diane and Zoe and we went to Ella’s restaurant for dinner. We had the Burger Month special, the Souljah Burger. It was delicious and so much food! Aleithah is so lovely and takes such pride in their lovely restaurant. The bathrooms are super cool as well. I got a nice compliment about my earrings which I had forgotten were Office Specials as I had forgotten to put some on this morning!
After dinner we went back to their house and I was glad I brought my pool cue as Diane and I played three games of which I won 2 and then we went upstairs and had a game of crib that lasted forever as we were talking so much. To be fair, I think she was listening and I was downloading. She is definitely behind the idea of me getting away and highly supports the idea of going to Ireland and hopefully seeing my friends.
All in all, sometimes the best therapy is a good friend just accepting who you are and loving you for that. I have had three of them share that love with me in two days. I am a lucky woman.
I am watching a documentary, Buffy Sainte-Marie: Carry On and still can’t believe that the man who is on the screen, Taj Mahal, was in my golf cart chatting with me last summer. And in 2012, I was blessed to experience Buffy herself at our Festival on Vancouver Island. Again, I am a lucky woman
Wookiee was germy as he had been my cuddle buddy all the way through my cold. Although I am still a little congested I knew he needed a shower. He eagerly waited in line and looked much improved after his wash and fluff out.
I had a productive day working on one file and a bit of volunteer books before heading to meet Cindy at her son Kaleb’s U13 squad game. It was fun and the Yellowjackets were winning by two when I left to head back to the office to grab a bite to eat and ready for my Board meeting. It went well as we welcomed our two newest Board members, Graham and Matthew. I think we got a lot decided and I have homework for tomorrow. It was nice to get out well before 10. Missy is very cuddly tonight. I wonder if it is because she is approaching 10 years old this year or if it really just took her over 2 years to decide I am not going to hurt her and that she loves me.
I got up in a hurry when I rolled over and checked my messages to see they needed me to cover a shift at noon. I had stripped the bed, was doing laundry and just ready to jump in the shower when I got a message they didn’t really need me after all. I am trying not to be frustrated and do want to help if needed but I don’t think I really am needed anymore and that is ok. I am not part of the youth team anyway and have many more things to fil my time. I helped get them through the hump of the busy holidays and feel good about that. I did take opportunity to take my carload of recycling to one of the yellow bins. The first 3 I went to were all full but I found an easily accessible and empty one so I could unload it all at once. I also sorted several of my cupboards and assessed what I have for food and spices etc as I am not going to get Hello Fresh for the next couple weeks. In the between spaces I watched 3 Oscar nominated movies and puzzled. My dinner was tasty and I look forward to it at lunch tomorrow as well!
Took time for a fun FaceTime with Emmy, her mom and sister. Gwen is so big now! Emmy always has fun with emoji faces while we chat. She like that she will be 6 next month and just has to add a zero to make my 60. The one and only time that will happen with her.
The Oscar Best picture nominees that I have previously seen are:
Top Gun: Maverick Avatar: The Way of Water Elvis
This weekend I watched:
The Banshees of Inisherin (Loved it!) Everything Everywhere All at Once (Should get best female actor) The Fabelmans (I didn’t know until after that it was a true story) All Quiet on the Western Front (felt a little like when I watched Platoon)
Still to watch this week:
Women Talking Triangle of Sadness Tár (If I can find where to stream it)
I published rather than saved without finishing my thoughts… today is my dear friend Jackie’s birthday but I was able to have her answer FaceTime so I reached out to her son who is going to try to make it happen tomorrow. I do miss her.
I did have adventures with the movies today as well. I tried to rent Triangle of Sadness and instead something else in French processed and on top of it the expiry date is very odd
Also I watched the first half of All Quiet on the Western Front in the original German with subtitles but found it hard to watch and puzzle so I switched to English but all the Germans had British accents!! That was annoying, almost as annoying as the soundtrack. The cinematography was impressive though.
I slept in, did chores, finished one puzzle and started another, dressed to potentially cover a shift at Arby’s, changed into poker t-shirt from Vegas and was picked up by Steph to go to Tim and Shawna’s for poker league. I had a pretty great night paying $20 to play, and one $10 buy in. Walked out with $40 as I managed to take out 5 people and earn their bounty chips at $5 each as well as coming in 5th out of 15 which earned me a $15 share of the pot. It was my first night getting even one bounty and making it to the money. It was fun and I feel like I have found my place at the table finally. It was just what I needed to end this week.
It is hard to sum up a day when a portion of it was spent beating back the demons and overcoming an anxiety attack. I had my feelings hurt and that instantly, I mean INSTANTLY turned inward. I was caught off guard as I usually can review and not react but I was caught in a tsunami of ugly feelings of negativity about myself to the point that I questioned everything that grounds me. I kept saying out loud that there are people who love me and want to spend time with me as the brainstorm raged inside that no one wants to be around me. I threw out a life line and called Ashlée who answered immediately, listened, asked the right questions to clarify, validated my feelings, understood my response and just listened so I could talk it out and proceed to let it go. We have so many things that keep us apart but she is my go to when I am spiraling. I do love her so.
I was thinking that I was in no frame of mind for anything else but had tickets to see my friends play music tonight and a plan to go with Tracey so I committed to going in spite of how I was feeling. We went to Sushi on The Strip for their addition to Burger Month. It was delicious!! We had a good visit and the lobby show of the CD release for Kickin’ Round the Kootenays by Douglas Francis Mitchell and friends was enjoyable. I am glad I forced myself past the dark wall. I feel a bit beat up but on the other side.
I took opportunity today to only work on one file. I did a couple other things but for the most part I was able to just focus and relax into doing just one thing. It was exactly what I needed to do, give my brain a break from multitasking. I picked up Mom at 4 and took her to her appointment to follow up on all the tests. It is still odd to see a nurse-practitioner rather than a Dr but she seems really on top of it all. We got any results and there is relief that so far all the findings can be managed with diet. There are more tests to come and Mom is not thrilled about giving up her sweets but the alternative is worse. I picked us up dinner and we ate at her apartment before I came home to try and let all the emotions go. It all feels so sudden but that is because she only talked about the pain in hr butt muscles, not all the other symptoms. I am glad I kept asking questions and pressing until I got a bigger picture. It is just so trying for me as I sense things but don’t get the answer and then all the pieces fall together and I feel I was right to question in the first place. At least a few of us in the family know and can help now. I do feel like running away for a bit though… may start looking for last minute deals.
I have said this before, but I despise wishing my life away. The problem is that the difference between yesterday and today is tangible. I have GST quarters to file but for the most part this is the month to catch my breath and catch up on a file that haunts me. I realized this evening that I have always been jealous of people who get to go away this time of year. I have somehow made a place in my calendar where I can plan for that going forward. It’s a nice thought. I called Mom today and confirmed her brother is going to bring her some groceries tomorrow and that I will come into her Dr appointment with her to ask the questions and get the information. This makes both of us feel better. Today is also the first day I weigh less than 180 in as long as I have been keeping track. 43.5 pounds gone now. I can definitely tell by the clothes I can wear again. So many of my favourite t-shirts have been shelved for years. I am now glad I didn’t get rid of them. I am getting rid of the XL clothes as they fall off me now though. Not going to keep them, ‘Just in case’. My cold feels on the way out, didn’t need nearly as many Kleenex today! Survivor is back, I only wish Jake was here to eat tacos and watch it with me as we used to do when we lived on Salt Spring.
triumphgal 