05-01-23 Cracks and Complications
I made myself get up an hour earlier. Today was the day I committed to not smoking and to getting back on the treadmill. I had let my own health slip while dealing with the stress of Mom’s. That is not to blame her or even the universe. I make my own choices. I just choose my battles and to protect my mental health I let a few things drop through the cracks. I have been still weighing myself every day and recording most of what I eat and drink. I am still over 40 gone and want to continue to feel I am on a good trajectory.
Speaking of cracks, it turns out Mom does have a crack in the bone above the ball of her bionic hip. Apparently the Dr is supposed to come talk to her tomorrow and I asked if they can FaceTime with me so I can get a clear understanding. She can weight bear now she says, so that is an improvement.
Today was a bitch at work, I apparently couldn’t figure out the correct way to set up something in the background of the payroll software and I pushed play before seeing the big error. All of the employees were sent notice of the incorrect payroll and I was in the middle of someone else’s when they mistake was realized. It took me a while to make it right but I did and then ran three more payroll. I super concentrated on them to make sure there were no issues. The funny thing is part of the reason it went wrong was I am finding myself quick to anger. There is no slow burn, other’s annoyances make me want to run screaming away and say Fuck it All. I won’t of course but I need to get a handle on what it is that sends me that way. Maybe I need to pay a professional… wait, I just remembered that council comes with my benefits. I may just take advantage of it.
There was a lovely moment in the day when I got a text from the guy. I am so stressed to not read into anything so decided to not text him first. It made me smile when he asked how my day went. I did tell him that he made me smile and it was a pleasant short conversation as I was still at the office and didn’t feel up to getting together this evening. It is nice to feel the nervousness of making a new friend. I am open to seeing where it goes. I did suddenly realize that I don’t even know what he looks like except that he has nice eyes, as I have only seen him in a mask. I may have to ask him for a picture, making it very clear I do not accept the other kind, lol.
Gosh my Willys brings me joy! I have so much fun driving it and am smiling most of the time. Many people wave and smile. It feels good to respond. I never wanted to be one of those collector car owners who stare straight ahead and are too cool for school.
triumphgal 