06-27-23 WE INTERRUPT THE REGULAR PROGRAMMING
I got a lot done today, barely made it home in the jeep before the thunder storm and then did some laundry and settle down to watch the last of The Marvelous Mrs. Maizel (it was) and then ‘randomly’ picked ‘Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets’ to watch. I began to get squirmy and then suddenly realized… I attended the same conferences that they did back in the 80s. I attended Bill Gothard’s The Basic Seminar: Institute in Basic Life conference where I learned to be a Good Christian Wife and through the show I learned that Bill went to Wheaton College (described as The Harvard of Fundamentals), the same place that the pastor, whose assistant I was in the 90’s, attended and whose principles were followed. I do believe that, at the time, I learned all the things to lead a perfect life. What I didn’t see was how damaging it was to my mental health, how it lead to my break down and break away from a God lead life. I can’t say I have no faith now, there is a deep spirituality within me. I give credit where it is due, and do not fear the reaper. This show has super triggered me, I need to process IBLP. I think there is still a binder in my house somewhere from back in the day. The principles in themselves are not bad, the structure.. is. I am having an anxiety attack
triumphgal 