09-19-23 Tiggered, well that was a surprise
I was up early enough to have a coffee and a mug of chicken broth before my pre-procedure deadline. After that I finished my puzzle, did my pre clean out and put the front seat covers on my car. Stopped at the office to pick up a couple parcels that had arrived and then headed to the hospital. I was told to be there for 12:15. It didn’t take too long to get taken in, given a gown, history taken, and hooked up to an IV. My blood pressure and weight were really good which made me happy. I read my book and waited but a headache started to come on due to dehydration, I’m sure. They started pumping Saline into me. Finally at 2:24 I was taken in. I had opted for no sedation or I wouldn’t be able to drive for 24 hours. That was the one big mistake. I had not in any stretch of the imagination thought that having an Endoscopy and a single banding would trigger me. I don’t generally like that word but it best describes what happened. I steeled myself and made it through, trying to be interested in the screen that showed my innards and what they were doing, trying to listen, trying to ask my follow up questions… I barely made it back to the space where I was wheeled when I broke down completely. My ‘official’ rape was not the first time I had been sexually abused and a lot came flooding back. I thought I had dealt with everything and was in control, but trauma is trauma and is a sneaky bastard. My nurse, Marika, and the Dr were extremely kind. My friend, Marsha, who was working the desk offered to get a social worker for me, and followed up later with a text to see if I was ok, when I refused. I just wanted out of the environment immediately.
I came home and started sorting a new puzzle so that I would focus on going to Vegas in less than two weeks. My innards were not happy but eventually calmed down and I decided to go to the Chamber after Hours due that I had registered for. I was there for an hour or so, had a few horsd’ouvres and made chatter the best I could before coming home to put my rear seat covers mostly in. A truck drove by and I heard a little girls voice say, “Mom, look at the Barbie car”. It made my day. Now I am exhausted physically and emotionally and shall puzzle a bit before going to bed early. So much to do in the next week and a half so that I can get away!
triumphgal 