12-24-23 Merry Christmas Eve breakdown
I dawdled and got some no honey to do list items taken care of before packing up the car and heading over to the kids house. It was lovely to meet Yumi, Jake’s girlfriend. She is easy to talk to and seems to fit in well, which is a bonus. I am so glad they were able to make it. We all pitched in to get a wonderful dinner made before we packed into three cars and headed to Bill and Deanne’s church for the carol service. I had a lovely hug and moment with Trudy. I didn’t know she and Peter went there and he did a great job playing guitar and leading the singing. He has a great voice. There were others there who did not make it comfortable for me and I did not find joy in the singing and peace filled atmosphere that there usually is. I was surprised to find myself in a bad space mentally and couldn’t wait to leave. I had Judy, Bill and Deanne in my car and we followed the kids to find Santa on his rounds and then popped by to look at a few places with lights. I walked and live streamed Candy Cane Lane which is always so beautiful. We also stopped in the parking lot below Mom’s window and wished her a merry Christmas. Once back at the house, I asked if we could decide on our days to book and buy tickets for Disneyland. I have been obsessing about it and need to get it done and compartmentalize it away so I can get work done and organized to go. I caused a big todo by asking on Christmas Eve and while I was putting things in stockings, Ashlée took me to task over it. I lost my shit and decided to go home. Rae stopped me upstairs and we had a good long talk and I came off the ledge. I don’t understand the dynamics with my middle child. Often I just am able to walk away or ignore, but tonight, her attitude was the straw and I hate that I made a scene. I am calmer now although part of me still wishes I was home in my own bed. I probably should book a session to talk out the things that have been building up.
triumphgal 