07-13-24 Day 2 Rollercoaster
I was up and at it early and thank goodness. Hit the ground running.
This will be short as it is already 1:30 am so, technically, Sunday, but this a brief rundown of Saturday. There is much to unpack.
Showered, coffee, radio on, let’s go!
I had a joyous peaceful moment when all stages were up and running, and then, as I was watching Marianne for a few minutes, things changed. I glanced sideways to see my LAST husband, Lee sitting there smiling at me. I was caught like a deer in headlights, but pulled an Oscar winning performance as a person of importance doing an important job rather than let him see how little I wanted to engage. I casually beelined for the backstage of the Barn, found a bench out of sight and proceeded to have a full on panic attack. My throat tried to close and I was struggling. Our marriage ended when he left fingerprints around my neck so I shouldn’t be surprised that that was the reaction I had. I was sitting there struggling when I realized that the monitor guy, Clay, whom I have worked here with for many years, has seen me and come from his board to give me deep breathing exercises before he had to run back to his board. Such kindness. I pulled myself together and headed for backstage but now I felt discombobulated in my happy place. i stopped to take a video on my way backstage and while my cart was surrounded by people he proceeded to walk up and make small talk. I was a trapped animal. I finally made some excuse to leave and then I autopilot drove my cart to production trailer hoping for a hug from Cresslynn or Jean, but as I pulled up it was Ilana, a challenging crew member who was there and I just let her hold me while I sobbed. I think our differences have been resolved. It was what has been dubbed Marnée Magic. The perfect timing, even in a bad situation.
I tried to pull myself together as best as I could but my brain went into fright or flight. I couldn’t multitask, was even having trouble remembering stage names to communicate so I took time to process. I was still on my game at an average level, just not the one that I wanted to be at.
I did share what had occurred with my Fest family and the overwhelming support helped me to claim back that this is my happy place. I was also relieved that Ashlée was so supportive and even confronted him when she ran into him. She was also able to see what I could not, that he did not have backstage access. I could trust the security and relax there.
I finally got on with the day, slowly regaining my thoughts and doing what I do best.
It is now 2am and I need to be back at it soon so I shall say goodnight or perhaps, good morning
triumphgal 