03-03-25 sinking sinking sinking
OK, so as long as I am talking about it, I’m still on the right side of this darkness just so you know. My Jackie isn’t here anymore to read all the signs and put me in the right directions and the closer I come to her birthday in two days when I was hoping to have seen her the more I am falling into the abyss. But the thing is it’svnot really about her. It’s about pain and the trauma of my fall and pushing through it and doing all the work and praying I didn’t make mistakes and still making little mistakes because I’m so tired and burned out because I’m good at what I do and people need me to help them and I have trouble saying not right now And when I do it, it’s in the wrong tone and I have to turn around and apologize and I feel like I’m in a strange cosmic monologue of yes, oh I’m sorry. No, oh I’m sorry. Oh, can I help you…… Next? and I have a fucking cold on top of it. Merde!
Oh, and did I mention I came out of work late and then that snowed Yep first time I’ve had to shovel for myself since December at least it wasn’t a lot
triumphgal 