I heard my alarm at 7 and rolled over to say Hey google, good morning to hear Good Morning Marnée, it’s 8:53 am! I don’t know where the in between time went but I was so tired and I just got to the office at the same time as my lovely client, Matt. He is such a great guy and I really have come to love he and his wife, Cass and their two girls. We had a good long chat before we each tackled our work days. In the afternoon a newish client came by whom I had trained to do her books for her sole-prop and we got a lot done. It was nice to see the bountiful fruit of my training. The rest of the day really was a mélange of projects and I feel the list getting shorter with little stress. After work I knew I wanted to call my friend Paulette. We go back to our teen days together where we met working at and out of school care. Over all these years it has seemed effortless to be friends, keeping connected with cards and occasional visits. It was important to me that she not hear any news via Facebook. There are many I feel that should not but I can only do what I can do. We had such a great chat and as usual, just hearing her voice cheered me up. After dinner I FaceTimed with Mark and learned that he is planning to come see me next weekend which overwhelmed me as I know I am one of the few people on the planet he would do that for. He and I hold a special place in each other’s lives. I honour and respect that connection. To have a platonic opposite sex great friend is truly a blessing
That song, those words, have never meant more to me. I treasure deeply the relationships I feel I have cultivated and am broken when they end. A person never knows how much they meant to another. Each of us have a completely different take on the connection we have. All that matters is the love that remains, the feelings when you think of someone. I have been blessed to establish relationships all over this planet and some were in the moment, some for a long period of time, some toxic in the end but all brought joy when they were deep and needed and heartfelt. I can only hope that people remember me kindly, whether I leave this planet sooner or later, I wish that they will know that I loved them.
Today was hard as it started with a dentist appointment for a cleaning that kicked in a full panic attack. There are many details but know that I am okay and tomorrow is another day.
Missy uses her cat door now! That is a super amazing part of this day.
Ok, so I didn’t make much money today but I had many special moments. It started with getting up and on the treadmill, steeling myself for a good day. First good thing was a call from the anesthesiologist to check in, ask and answer questions. He was so amazing, I only wish I had written down his name when he told me. He explained what would happen from his end, told me which pills to take and when and removed my fear of the hard time they usually have putting an IV in me by saying that if they had to put it in the crook of my arm, they would move it while I was under. He has also written that I am to be given Ativan when I get there to take away the stress as my throat and vocal chords inflame when under stress. I will be having a tube down my throat put in and removed while under but may have a sore throat after. It is good to know that will be why. I am allowed to have my clear nail polish as well. I am definitely a need to know person and all that information really calmed me.
I made it to work finally and got some email answered before I received a text from my cousin Donna who was in town from Kimberley getting groceries and she stopped at the office for a good visit. I then managed to get a bunch more done before heading to meet Shannon and Teri for lunch. It was a lovely time, learning about each other’s overview of life and talking about good times to come. It is nice to make new friends at this age! The meal at Cancun was delicious and didn’t upset my innards.
I worked on VIMF and CCT stuff for most of the rest of the afternoon. It is important that I support the new person we have asked to take on the Tech Director job and I was able to set him up for training with Pepijn and let him know he needs to become a member. I am grateful to have a great working relationship with him and an ease of communication. I steered him to the office to be sure he confirms everything with our administrator. The other thing I did was write a blog for the April 1st post and sent it off to Ash for review. She liked it and suggested I read it over again tomorrow in case I want to tweak anything before sending it for posting. Good advice, that.
The evening involved showing up at Key City Theatre to bar tend for the Fisher Peak Winter Ale series. It was a lobby show again and I really enjoyed it. I had seen Dave McCann on a program but couldn’t believe my good fortune to see him live. He was accompanied by Ethan Askey and what a show! I bought the CD and had a great chat with him afterwards. I highly recommend this singer-songwriter if you ever get a chance to see him. I hope we can have him at MusicFest some day.
Now it is nearly midnight and as I look back I am so grateful for this lovely day. My hands are a bit tender from using so much hand sanitizer as I had to handle so much cash, the bar was hopping!
I am working hard at making sure no one is afraid of losing their bookkeeper or tax preparer. I know I will overcome this and I just need to maintain my obligations. So far everyone has been very understanding and supportive. I have a laptop set up to work from home, alternative dates have been arranged for payments and I am quickly ticking off the list of must do before the end of April. It has been a couple years of getting everyone paperless and that is a great relief.
Today I woke up to a text from one of the ladies I met at the workshop last Friday and I am having lunch tomorrow with Shannon and Teri. It is honestly so nice to have something fun to look forward to and she suggested Cancun which is a restaurant I drive by often and want to go to!
When I got home and checked my mail there was a most beautiful card from my cousin Debbi with a gorgeous dragonfly which is the tattoo I was going to get on the 31st in memory of her sister, my cousin Kelly. She saw it and thought of me right away. So lovely.
The Board meeting tonight was very productive and I feel useful in advising and assisting whomever takes on the roll as Tech Director. It is a lot off my plate right now and I am grateful to the Boards understanding and support in this transition.
It’s true that the year 2021 was even a day longer than usual. Leap Years are often fun as you get to celebrate your friends who only get a birthday every 4 years. I imagine skipping one along the way was especially sad. Today marks two full years that I have been blogging every day since coming home from the Firm and eventually changing my work life completely. I have more work/life balance than I have had in as long as I can remember. I have never done anything this long, been this committed to an activity. If I keep at it for not much longer it will have outlasted two of my three marriages. I plan to go back and read the blog. So far I have let the spelling mistakes and poor grammar stand. I am afraid if I go read through it I will be too hard on myself. What I will likely actually find is a lot less to judge and much more to love. I will see how much I love and am loved. I have already asked if I can bring my iPad to the hospital and that may b the best time for a review, it will also give me opportunity to process and share while the news is fresh. I am going to try to do a blog in the morning before the surgery and then at the next available time. I don’t think I will miss a day. I suppose this is just a fine reason if I do.
Today was steady and I even was able to take a break with the crew as it was Nikki’s birthday celebration due to her not being here tomorrow on the actual day. The crazy odds of her beer being the one that blew up and made a mess were… Sean created? She doesn’t like cake, seriously, who doesn’t, so we had cheese, crackers and meat. It was a perfect afternoon treat. I ended up working until nearly 7 to get a file done so I can do the related company tomorrow and get ready to send in the year ends. Had a nice call from Jeanne, Rosie’s sister. I haven’t talked to her since her Mom, my Auntie Ollie died so we had a nice catch up and as always she and her sister Donna just want to know what they can do for me. They are gifted with servant hearts and boy do they. I love them and hope to just have a good visit soon. That is all I need.
I came home and made my last Hello Fresh for this period, which was something I found delicious and will be easy to recreate. Then I sat and worked on my puzzle, it is progressing but soon I will have to clear the table and spread out the full width of 45 inches.
Missy waited until I got home and then I showed her how her door worked again. I am determined to only let her in and out that way until she gets the hang of it. We only have just over a week. She’s smart though, we’ll get it.
My phone was buzzing me around 9 and I just had to see who it was. The first text I read was from the lovely Teri who I shared the table with on Friday. She was just checking in how I was feeling. How kind! I will have to make a point to connect with her in the not too distant future. The next was from Rae-Anne asking if I wanted to join her and Sawyer for breakfast at DQ. I nearly said no, because, well, calories. I am so glad I went. She was there with the two youngest and I ordered the Waffles with Strawberries and Soft Serve Ice Cream. I didn’t eat the whole order, but it was so good and only $6 with a coffee! It may be my new treat spot. There is something about breakfast out that gets the day rolling. I stopped at work and messaged Addison to see if he could come help me put the cat door in. I have had it since late last summer after selling the Air Conditioner out of the wall, leaving a big hole. After 1.5 hours of work I met Roger and the boys and Addison with his daughter Chevelle at the house. Rae showed up and after me describing exactly what I want, we did a beer run. The next 3 hours or so accomplished so much! The yard got raked and loaded on a tarp in Roger’s truck, my new BBQ was built by Gene and their student, Aymo, the kayak hanger was properly installed and the cat door is complete from the outside. I do need to properly finish off the inside but for now, it is usable. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all these things being taken off my list. It had started to snow as they all got going but quickly passed. The sun came out and the kids had fun playing in the park and at the school playground. Some of the lawn furniture even came out and I sat and had a beer with my neighbour before dinner. I do love this time of year. I put Missy’s collar on her with the signal that unlocks the door only for her and got her to go in the door once, she sniffed it and watched it for a while but hasn’t gone out it yet. Fortunately I have 11 days to get her accustomed and no longer have to worry about her if she gets out while someone is here to feed her.
I will paint the perch and ramp when I do the trim on the trailer later in the year. For now I am happy with the end of my counter top we used. Now I am tired from all the fresh air and am enjoying working on my huge puzzle. All in all a great start to Spring. I do love my family and am grateful that I just asked.
Didn’t sleep as long as I hoped after staying up too late last night. Relaxed on the couch catching up on some shows, made a delicious lunch that turned out to be hard on my system. I suspected there was paprika in the spices but it really was soooooo good. After lunch I had a nice long talk with my friend Mary Lynn whom I miss. Salt Spring Island is just too darn far away. I got myself to the office and took care of some more tax returns and data entry on a big file before coming home to change and head to the last Buck’s game of the regular season that I can go to. There is a rescheduled one next Saturday with the Wenatchee team that couldn’t travel back in January. I had already committed to volunteering at Key City Theatre that night so I transferred my ticket to Ashlée. As I suspected, Rob Niedermayer and his family were there again tonight and two of the Grandsons went and asked him for his autograph. He was smiley and nice and personalized them which made this Nana happy. Gene kept offering to go and tell him that his Nana was a big fan but I wouldn’t let him. I already have his and Scott’s autographs on my first jersey and it was enough to have a laugh and quick chat as we were filing out. The Penticton Vees solidly beat us tonight just as we had done to them last night. There were a lot of hard hits, injuries and fighting, including several game misconducts. As we were walking I told him this is how I felt when the Ducks would win in Vancouver, like I was the only one excited. He gave me a huge smile and a laugh. I’ll take that.
Called my mom when I got home to check in and she told me she is coming up. I honestly hadn’t really wanted her to come as she is nearly 81 now and I don’t want to worry about her driving, nor will I have time or energy to care for her. She did say she will stay in Kimberley with her brother and I know she is fretting and needs to be here, so I am putting all thoughts in the box and letting it ride for now. Had a great download with my cousin Rosie and that was good as she just understands.
I feel good and healthy in spite of much although I have a headache tonight which is unusual. I guess i will take a pill and get some rest, lots to do in this next week and a half.
I was up early, working the treadmill and readying to go to the Women’s Wellness Workshop put on by the Cranbrook Chamber of Commerce. I am grateful I said yes when offered a ticket by a client. The nervous energy was there until I arrived and found myself assigned to a table and found a seat beside a young lady who had done the makeup for Ash’s wedding. Emily and I got to chatting right away and I was able to suggest she rent the Studio for an event she is tasked to put on for a non-profit she works for and she is going to look into sponsoring a show for our next season for the major company she works for! Great networking and awesome to catch up with her. Also at our table were Shannon, Teri and one of the keynote speakers, Karen McAllister. It was lovely to meet them all and the day was full of great speakers, approaching our entrepreneurial enterprises in the same way we would approach our own wellness. The lunch was delicious, I really enjoyed the salmon. As the final hour was well under way, I received a call and felt I should take it so I stepped out. I am glad I did as it was a nurse doing the medical history for my surgery. We had a good long talk and she filled me in on more expectations and got my consent for the surgery and blood products. It was hard to go back in to the event as it really triggered all the fear again, made it real. The ladies were amazing and supportive. I shared my story and there was much love and some hugs. I really was glad I went. From there I headed to the now quiet office and filed and prepped some more tax returns before heading to the hockey game. For the first while I was alone as the family was all at a birthday party but Deanne and Bill showed up to make my night. The games for the next two days are against the Penticton Vees who are first in the league and have Josh Niedermayer playing for them. As Scott and Rob were two of my favourite Anaheim Ducks, it was a game to really enjoy. We kicked their butts! And in the third period I glance over the aisle to see the whole family sitting there, what a perfect end to the evening. I only wish I’d been wearing some duck gear… tomorrow… 🙂
I had another productive day, began filing tax returns to get the list down to manageable and made lists to power through. After I left the office I stopped at the theatre to take pictures of the two camera options for viewing the stage from the monitors, sending them to Keon to source what we still need to connect one. As I left there I saw news that my friend of 30 years or so has died… from Cancer. I saw her when last I was in Vancouver, Dec of 2019 and have been following closely. She was always such a vivacious human being and the beast beat her down. I am grateful she got to meet her Grandson and that her three kids have each other. It doesn’t matter that they are adults, you always need your Mom. The weird thing is I am not having an emotional response to the news. I suspect my remain calm at all costs mentality right now is protecting me. I will go for a walk along the water some day and remember how much she loved the ocean and downtown Vancouver and Vegas and England and everyone she called friend or family. There is a hole shaped like her in the energy tonight. I honour our friendship and am grateful for having known her. There was a time in the 90s and early 2000’s when we would just think of the other and one of us would call. It used to spook us. Life and distance got in the way but I still hold her dear. RIP my Deb
Today was another productive and focused day. I cut out at 2:30 when I got a message that my new glasses were in and I was to pick Emmy up at 3. Unfortunately the left lens has the focal point in the wrong spot and I see double so they have to figure out what to do. From there I stopped at the new Cranbrook Urgent and Primary Care clinic and had a wonderful reception culminating in them taking me on for follow up care and telling me how to have my records transferred to them from the storage company where they have been since December. I will follow up tomorrow with the specialist to have all reports sent to them. It is such a relief!!! All the timing is perfect.
Next I picked up Emmy and we went to Cranbrook Photo to get the Stitch and Grogu Diamond print framed for her and Gwen to hang in their game room. It isn’t cheap but I am happy Danika liked it enough to have. We went to Walmart next where she was told she could pick things for her birthday and I had a $30 amount in my head which is what I had done for Sawyer. We started in the clothes section, through the snacks and ended in toys. When all was rung in she got a shirt, pants, birthday cake Oreos, rainbow goldfish crackers, a Barbie dress, two wee Barbie lego characters and a Ryan mystery toy all for 30.81. When we got to her grandmas to drop her off she opened the toy and it was Locomotive Ryan which was so cool as we had seen a train going by and I was explaining why I loved trains so much and that I used to work on them (in case you don’t know, I was the first female Trainman/Yardman in the Kootenays, back in the late ‘80s). She was so excited she ran in the house to share her excitement.
I did find a great deal for myself. I wanted a new winter coat but was too fat for an extra large so I didn’t bother getting one. There was a clearance rack and the last red one left was an XL and it was the one I wanted marked down to $29!! Even if it is too big next year I can just wear layers easily under it. I am so thrilled by that deal. And am over 26 pounds down now.
When I got home I went for a good walk with my Neighbour and then made one of my Hello Fresh meals of chicken and Dijon sauce. It was so good and low calorie, win-win. The rest of the evening was spent watching my shows and puzzling. This puzzle is really big.
Today was the first really good day I have had since I heard the news. It seems my brain takes a week to process right through something. I used the tool Monica gave me. Every time I got obsessive or anxious I would simple think or even say out loud ‘BOX’ and that was it, I carried on. I met with a client who has Cancer and we had a great talk, he was the first person that I knew first hand understood what that first talk with the Dr meant. He encouraged me to stay positive and talk things out any time I needed to. I got a lot done and stayed in a good mood. After work I met Keon at the theatre and we got the monitors and lobby sound working. The only thing left to leave it all as it was and better is to hook up the camera that projects what is going on on stage to the monitors back stage and in the green room and lobby. We need a proper hub so he is going to investigate and get back to me. The universe really did provide me the perfect person to assist in the completion of the booth and transition out of the position. I am now home relaxing and watching my shows while I play POGO. All in all the best day, given the circumstances!
My day blew up with happy no matter how tired I was when Emmy called out around 6 and I told her to come snuggle with me. She tucked in and then Missy surprised us both by coming for a cuddle and attention. She usually avoids everyone but me. Emmy was so pleased and gentle with her. Emmy finally decided she was hungry and since she was grounded from TV and other tech, up we got. I admit, normally I would put on Netflix to keep her happy for a little more sleep. We got up and had breakfast and then she put on a fairy fashion show for me and that I had to video it in spite of the sound of my Roomba interrupting. After that we played Wii games until it was time for her mom to pick her up and once again she mostly beat me 😉 I think that mostly happened because she was in front of the sensor, but it made her so happy, I don’t care. Danika picked her up just before 9 for her gymnastics camp and I got myself ready for work. The funniest moment was when she pointed out I must have collected my glasses travelling when I was young because old people don’t travel like that.
Little part Ukrainian princess
I got a fair amount done, although a lot of it was volunteer again. At least it is getting things off my plate. Much of the middle of my day was a big dip in my mood and higher in stress than I would have liked. I was very grateful when my friend Monika, a trained therapist stopped in with 15 free minutes to give me a skill to deal with the obsessive thinking. She taught me about visualizing a box to put thoughts away in until I had a moment to take them out and deal with them, not to suppress, but to delay for the moment. I am so thankful for her. I worked a lot on getting my volunteer commitments out of the way so I can blast through personal tax returns and not feel burdened or that I am letting anyone down in April.
After work I came home to find Gene had been here raking my yard and forgot a lunch on my step when he had to run for the bus. At first I was… WTF?
I started to work on my puzzle and realized I did not have the mindset for it and Rae had recommended The Adam Project. I poured a bath and dumped in a bunch of lavender, melatonin Epsom Salts that Rae gave me for Christmas. It is weird that I was able to rest in a bath for 3 hours this past weekend but after half an hour I was ready to get out. Only 35 minutes into the show, I was not totally invested but once I got dressed and set up in the living room and found out Mark was also watching it and Rae had watched it for the second time, I gave in and just enjoyed it. I really did enjoy it, Mark Ruffalo is one of my favourite, never mind, Ryan Reynolds and Jennifer Garner. The young Adam is also an actor to watch for. I did figure out that my jam for escape and relaxation is those kinds of sci-if non-horror movies. Pure escapism with a dose of hotness 😉
I received the results of my Ultrasound tonight and it has grown a centimeter although there is no talk of the big C. I am going to take this as erring on the side of caution. I will take my fear out of the box and revisit it, give it a pet and set it aside temporarily.
It was funny when we signed into Wii to see the original family that Jake and I signed in with back in the 20 zeros on Salt Spring Island
You all would probably laugh at me right now dancing my way to bed singing put it away in the box box put it away in the box
I got outside and pulled my Triumph Speedmaster out of it’s cover for the winter. She started on the first spin and purred. I only rode it out to the front so that I didn’t get it in my head to go for a ride. Today is the day she goes to her new home. I traded her for the restoration mechanical work on my 1946 Willys CJ2A. I shall not spend any time second guessing that decision. At least I know she is well appreciated. It took me a while to find all the bits and pieces that go with her and will likely find more. I had Danika and the girls over for dinner and made pasta sauce from scratch. While I was cooking, Sawyer showed up with Rae and a lovely rose plant and whole food to get by. He knows I have something that grew in me that wasn’t supposed to and have to go get it out. When they arrived, Emmy picked the pasta we would use and it was good on the no yolk noodles. After a nice visit with interruptions for picking up the bike, Danika left Emmy overnight and will pick her up before gymnastics camp in the morning. It is nice that she is allowed to stay up later now and we had a fabulous time. She had a bath while I tidied up dinner and then happily sat in the ‘salon chair’ without a whimper as I French braided her hair and then she did mine. We then played a little Wii Mario Olympic 2012 soccer and were both horrible at it. The computer kept beating us hands down. Next we switched to Wii Fit Boxing and she literally kicked my butt. I think I knocked her down once and she got several TKOs on me. We built her her own Mii as well and just laughed so much. It was exactly what I needed. I plan to take her birthday shopping for a little something on Wednesday as her real present is I am framing the diamond point picture of Stitch and Grogu now that I know she likes it and Danika said it will be perfect in their games room. I won’t be able to celebrate her on April 5th possibly so want to now. Gene called after Emmy was down for the night and offered to come rake my yard tomorrow which is a huge chore that I appreciate he does for me. I do have amazing grandchildren, just 5 blessings
I woke up just after 6 this morning and began sobbing as I had been trying to decide in my near waking who should be with me to find out the results. I think my eldest has a lot on her plate and I don’t want to tip her over the edge, my middle is so much like me and she would be the best for remembering everything said but also I would worry about the emotional toll. I was left feeling like I should just be alone, ask if I can record the conversation and process it. After all the sobbing I reached out to my besties in England and they were so full of love and support that I was able to let it go for now. I took the advice of my friend Mark to watch happy shows. I poured a bath and tossed in the cannabis and lavender bath bomb I was gifted. I soaked in luxury and watched 5.5 episodes of The Book of Boba Fett which I had forgotten existed. I loved it and it made me happy to soak and enjoy it. I showered and readied to go to my spa appointment and then watched the last episode and a half while I ate. I really really enjoyed it and was in a calm and good spirit when I went for my appointment with Ireland to have my brows waxed and a manicure. We chatted just the right amount and that young lady helped me make a plan. I got deep blue nails that I love and will go back on the Saturday before the surgery to have them changed out to a special clear polish with nutrients to help them be healthy and which can be seen though by the doctors. She will do the same to my toes then as well and I will be good to go for a while. When I went to leave she had a bouquet of flowers, a beautiful note and a roller of stress relieving oil. Such a touching and generous gift from a gal in her 20s, she shall be mine forever. I stopped in at the office after to take care of some MusicFest business and then came home to start my biggest puzzle project ever. It is 32×45 and has all my Marvel Heroes in it. I figure now is the time if ever to do it. Joyful and time consuming. These next 19 days are going to continue to be a rollercoaster of emotions, this I know. Rae called me after work and I ran it past her about my asking someone to be there. She said I was doing the usual, trying to care for the one who will have to hear if it is bad news instead of just focusing on me and said she will be there if I want her to be. I am going to let it go now and just make the decision when the time comes. I am currently flipping hourly between wanting to hide under a rock and feeling alone. This medium is good for me though, I get to express it and let it go before heading to bed.
I am currently watching West Side Story, recent version and I can only say that the dancing is amazing but I am not sure I am the biggest fan. My favourite musical will always be Come From Away. I was blessed to see it, with three of my favourite people, in London having just arrived from Newfoundland. There is no way to top that!!
I have now started making lists in my head of the things I need to accomplish. First is to build my cat entrance so Missy can come and go while I am not here. I would like to have help. I am hoping Roger will have some time to assist. It will make me feel better about Missy being left alone while I am in hospital. Even if she is afraid to come near when someone is here to feed her and gets out, she will have a way to safely get back in. She will be stressed when I am not here.
It was windy! Hasn’t blown off all winterI love this pic hanging in the Prestige Hotel
After a long, only somewhat fitful sleep I began to feel human again today. I was supported with all love from many and managed to get a lot of work done in spite of my inability to multitask. I am afraid I was a bit stern with my Mom. I know she is sitting home alone, too many miles away worrying but she calls during the day and brings it all up, giving examples of people who had things removed that weren’t Cancer. It reminded me of being pregnant and everyone wanting to tell their horror stories. I admit to wanting to just put my head in the sand and not talk about it anymore. On the other hand, being able to talk about it makes the headaches go away. I had spoken with my client who owns two Cannabis stores yesterday and today with my permission she had her most knowledgeable employee call me to ask some questions and make a suggestion as to a product that would help me sleep. I paid with a card and then another employee came from Kimberley and dropped off the capsules at my work. How wonderful they all are. I have taken one now and will see if it helps tonight. I just got back from the hockey game which we won 6-3 and I am glad I made myself go. It was weird to see so many faces again but there were still quite a few of us wearing masks and as we passed each other there was eye contact and a nod. I have to stay well so I will wear one for the rest of the month.
My better mood disappeared and I was overwhelmed when I got home from work and I finally took the time to read the paperwork from the Surgeon about what the proposed treatment would be. Laparoscopic Bilateral Salpingo-oophorectomies + omentectomy. The latter was the part that put fear into me. It is a procedure necessary for Ovarian Cancer because of the possible rapid spread. Those were real and hard words to read. The last line of his treatment plan says ‘If cancer is diagnosed you may need further surgery in Vancouver and/or need chemo/radiation’. I am a person who does need to know everything so I can prepare myself, but.. that is a lot to take in when you see it in print. I am fully aware that this will also be hard to read for those who know and love me but there is no point holding back now. When I picked up my mail tonight there was a lovely uplifting card from a client who does not know this is happening. She just wanted to make my day and all over the back of the envelope were encouraging sayings and funny thoughts. I called her to thank her about the Serendipity of it all. She said it gave her goosebumps and made her day to know she made mine.
I will keep holding on to the thought that this is NOT how my story ends.
Today was like walking through mud. I didn’t sleep well, and I was up earlier than usual to be at the lab for when it opened at 7:30 to wait for my necessary ASAP bloodwork. I came away just short of an hour later with a wristband to wear until the surgery as my blood was typed and it will be brought in from the Calgary blood bank as far as I know. i have a C-antigen from a blood transfusion in the ‘80s and it has to be the same for surgery. I received a call to book the a anesthesiologist to call me a week before and the date is set for the 31st. I had some serious conversations with a few people who need to know, to ensure they will have coverage for payroll before the date and I have one more to talk to tomorrow. I made a strong man cry and my heart was filled with love from all directions. I had to notify the Board at the theatre that I am stepping away from the Tech Director position and that was hard. It is the best choice for all involved at this point. I was so tired all day and got what I had to done, coming home early hoping for a nap. That is not something my body would give in to so I just rested until Rae -Anne picked me up to go for dinner at The Firehall. I had way too many calories of a delicious dinner, a shared dessert and an expensive glass of wine. Hopefully it didn’t undo the good news that I am down 25.5 pounds as of today. I enjoyed our talk but am done in. It is only 8:49 and I am ready for bed so I will take the lead of my body and go. It was all too much to process and this is only the beginning. Once this shock has completely worn off I shall begin the positive affirmation journey I deserve. Stand by for more shmaltz in the future. For tonight, adieu.
Today was so productive, the sun was shining, most things were right with the world…
At 2:30 I got a call from the Surgeon/Gynecologist who I was referred to for the ‘simple cyst’ found in my abdomen when I was in the hospital over the New year of 2020-21. I had seen him in September of 2021 and he reviewed the most recent ultrasound to assure me that he was adamantly sure it was not Cancer (the only time he mentioned that word and the markers he would look for) but to reassure me, we should do another ultrasound in January and see if I would like to have it removed or just have a test once a year to monitor it. I put it out of my head at that time. January and February were very busy for me and I didn’t even note that I hadn’t received a call from Radiology. Last Thursday I left a message and on Monday had the Ultrasound. Today at 2:38pm I received a call from Dr. Rode telling me it had to come out and I would be booked on March 28th or 31st. I lost track of how many times he said the word Cancer. It was surreal. He gave me the run down of what will happen, best case scenario, and all the worst ones. That story ends with me going to Vancouver. I was in shock, went to his office to sign all the paperwork and pick up the requisition for blood work as I have a C-antibody that makes me have to give my own blood or have it specifically brought from the blood bank and he was concerned about it getting done n time. I will go tomorrow morning to the lab and wait until I get in. I drove around, pulled over and called my son and my Mom, then stopped in at Ashlée’s where she recorded the conversation to share with Rae-Anne as she was still at work. I then went for a drive, calling a friend whom I had promised to keep apprised and showed up for my volunteer stint at Key City Theatre. The volunteer manager was so kind and after a night of bar tending and making happy chit chat, she let me leave before all the clean up as the shock had worn off and I needed to get home. I stopped at the liquor store and bought an expensive bottle of Scotch, pouring only two fingers when I got home. I talked to a few other people, sent messages that needed to be sent and then FaceTimed my dear friend who constantly reminded me to breathe and made me laugh. Tonight I am exhausted from the shock, angry at the casual attitude over a year ago to a simple cyst and am trying not to be terrified. I need positive energy, this stowaway needs to go. Or maybe I should call it my Dark Passenger (I do love Dexter). For now I will be grateful it was found and try to relieve stress in my life to focus on all things healing and wonderful. All thoughts and prayers gratefully accepted.
It was so peaceful today. I finished a couple year ends and more. Part way through the morning I got a call from the people I got my CPAP machine from saying the call later would be later than they thought. It was not on my radar at all so it wasn’t a problem. Later in the afternoon when the tech called he said that he had instructions from my sleep clinic night in July to adjust my machine!!! Good thing it wasn’t life or death but he had to log in and fix my pressure levels and I was given instructions to adjust the temperature and humidity when I got home. It is supposed to help with the nasal drip in the mornings. Seriously, over 7 months to deal with it.. sigh. He did second what the Dr said, that my apnea is very severe and not to go without the machine. He also said the ozone cleaning machine I have hooked up could damage the interior of my machine and I should not use it. They don’t even sell them at their business. Dang you, William Shatner, I believed you and bought one.
I cooked a couple Beyond Meat burgers last night and had one for lunch in a Romaine lettuce leaf. It was delicious!!! Too bad there are so many chemicals in them.
Once again I woke up to a fair amount of snow that was gone by the time I got home. I took the evening to finish off my Diamond Point picture that Rae had given me. I really like it. Next I will start my big Marvel puzzle. I will have to clear the whole table.
Happy International Women’s Day to all the women, everywhere, especially those in all the war torn areas and refugee camps. I am sending my love, it’s all I have.
I did a few chores and headed to the office. It’s another beautiful day. Took care of a few payroll, and was scheduled for a client in office at 3 when I got a call from the hospital to say they had an ultrasound appointment available at 3:30. There was no way I was going to miss it so I rescheduled the client and made sure I was there. It is a most uncomfortable experience having an internal and external ultrasound. The tech wouldn’t tell me anything, so now I wait to see if the mass in my abdomen has grown since it was discovered in January 2021. I intend to have it out. The only difference will be if it has to happen right away or can be scheduled later. It has to be soon enough to heal before MusicFest in July or not until after that. I had compartmentalized my worry over it and now it has moved to the forefront again. I stopped at the market instead of the liquor store and picked up a calorie free non-alcoholic gin and calorie free tonic. Sometimes the mind just needs the idea of having a drink after stress. It turns out it is just as delicious as the rum by the same company.
triumphgal 