I enjoyed my casual morning. I tried on the boots I had bought on sale at Winners. They are perfect. Sadly they are also winter lined so warm at the office. I do feel like Mr Peanut or The Penguin in them
Today was actually relaxing as I got focussed and got quite a few things off my plate
I made it to Key City just after six and welcomed all the guests to the winter ale night. It was so nice to have so many people excited that I was walking.
Opening act was Tyrel Hawke whom I love. A masters in nursing, sporting a hero cape by day and a killer singer/songwriter vibe by night, spilling his emotions into his songs. My favourite moment was when he explained that he grew up in a very religious family and they don’t do gay. He wrote a song about his sister’s support.
I also loved his opening song. He is one of the bravest humans I know 
Next was Over the Moon, a married couple Suzanne Levesque, and Craig Bignell.
Their story is beautiful and I think you should go to overthemoon.com and re be ad more about them and I also was thrilled to find out that they are lovely lovely lovely human beings, as well as ridiculously good musicians. Craig is a real storyteller and Suzanne just smiles and responds in a beautiful way to stories she’s probably heard 1 billion times. and seriously they covered Nazareth on their opening song!
And Ian Tyson who they knew personally
And if the Beatles grew up in Longview Alberta
I think my favourite picture of the entire evening though was this one because the weather has been melting enough that everywhere I walk as long as I am watching for twisty bits there is no ice and the snow is melting away, and I am grateful to Mother Nature. And I love my friend Monica, and that I got to sit with her tonight. 
I did not want to get up with my alarm this morning apparently the month has been enough. I’m sure it’s also more tiring because I walked outside and did the Rotary thing and home again in real boots for the first time in two months. Today I actually put on a pair of jeans for the first time since my accent they were the same jeans. I think I was wearing that day and sadly they are much tighter now. I did drive myself to work and was there at my desk by 9:30 and back home again at 8:30. It’s terrible to have to make up for last time in the last few days of the month because I will push myself to complete exhaustion. It was actually hard to bring a smile to my lips let alone to my eyes today. It’s weird when my entire physical emotional and mental state are so tired and overdone that I can’t even put on a mask in time. I feel bad for the people that I interact with and it’s best for me just to stay locked in and get the work done. It was nice to not be relying on anyone else for rides today though. 
I did decide this morning that this was my one life and who said I had to set an alarm. if I need to sleep, I need to sleep. so, starting tonight I will only set an alarm for 9 AM or some time that I wasn’t likely going to sleep past Because I do know my system and I will keep waking up to check what time it is.
I had to take this picture of my clients receipt that I was entering today because I had to actually change the supplier name from Queen’s printer to King’s printer. I had a little moment, remembering HerMajesty
I got myself together this morning put on the matching boot to the one I’ve been wearing for two months and headed out to get my car started. Having two boots the same on was so comfortable for my back, so comfortable for my foot, just so great. I was super cautious still as my driveway and more so my sidewalk are very very heaved this year, more than ever since I’ve lived here, I know that Cranbrook is built on a bog , but this is ridiculous. I googled how to get into my car had a little struggle with it, but finally did and laughed when I set off all the alarms and finally a message came on the dash telling me to hold my fob up to the start button before I pushed it and now it starts and tomorrow I plan to drive it to work in the morning
For the second time, my HelloFresh box had arrived frozen so when I went to make my bacon and corn chowder today which involved a potato being cut up, it was black and gross so I used one of the cartons of hashbrowns that I get from Costco and added it to the chowder And it was so thick and good and delicious that I would want to do that all the time 
I was picked up just before three to go help the Rotary ladies make decorations for the gala towards the end of April. It feels really early to me, but I was really happy to be there. MaryAnn is arranging it., Lallah, Cindy, Nadine, Nancy, Judy, Maureen and I all worked on getting the creative energy flowing and we made a huge mess as it seemed like everything we did involve dropping glitter everywhere. The theme for the gala is the big easy so we were working on classy New Orleans decor. I think we did a good job and it was interesting for me to listen. Try to read the room but also see the big picture of how things would look in the space and bring my artistic flare to it. I think this centrepieces that Cindy and I worked on turned out very nice.
I am super emotional tonight and I think that a lot of that might be just the anticipation of driving tomorrow. I hope it all goes well and that I can last the day with two boots on because I have actually taken the step to even put my crutches and air cast in the back of my closet where they belong. One small step for Marnée, one giant leap for Marnée-kind
Lallah picked me up and we went to The Brick, Bridge Interiors, and Hush Home Furnishings to try out electric recliners. I found one at each store that I liked. They were quite different and when it came down to it, I went with the best price point and longest warranty, a Lay-Z Boy. It is small and fits me well. I took Lallah for lunch at the Heidout before she came and helped move things around in anticipation of her husband and son bringing my chair for me. Such a great family, very giving hearts. Unfortunately there was a mixup and the wrong power cord was supplied. Kevin, from Hush dropped off and installed the correct one on his way home from work. Missy loves having ‘my’ chair as hers now.
Steph picked me up to go to poker night at Landon’s. It was nice to catch up and have a fun night. My ankle is a bit sore from being on it so much today but it does like being reclined.
A Lay-Z Boy and poker night… I am officially one of the guys
I had a lovely breakfast with cousin Donna at Denny’s this morning. It was nice to catch up. The family on that side is struggling with a member with rapid decline dementia. It is so hard on them especially as this is their first experience. I get it, now imagine that I was 18 when I nursed my step-grandad on their side to his death. He had silicosis and dementia and who knows what else. All I know was I loved him and I lived through that gentle man becoming violent and scary. I still can see him sitting on his bed shredding his long johns with a butcher knife. I can remember him holding my hands above my head and yelling at me that the mine was going to cave in. It is a terrible disease and I am glad I have more memories of wonderful times with him
I finished all but two T4 filings this week and am very grateful. I am tired and sore. I have done well walking but my lower back and knee ache from two months of disuse. I look forward to soaking in CBD baths this weekend and hope to shop for a new recliner.
I came home and ate and did a little Deadpool Diamond Art. Never thought you’d see those words together, did you?!
Sawyer’S birthday present arrived although I wasn’t able to get it to him yet.
Rotary was a great presentation by our members who went on an exchange to New Orleans. I admit to being judgy about how poorly they were able to pronounce words that were very clearly French. I expect more from my fellow Canadiens!!
It is one of the places I would like to go sometime. I’ve travelled so much of the US, but haven’t made it to that one little section of Louisiana and Tennessee. Maybe that’s my next road trip
Back at the office, I got so many T4’s done that my brain is spinning . My HelloFresh arrived day late and frozen again. Ashley gave me a ride home. I ended up making one of the meals and working on my diamond dot that Rae gave me for Christmas, which cracks me up. whoever thought they would have a Deadpool diamond painting?!
Ups and downs of today were that I actually was walking without any help and at home I got to put on two slippers and walk around the house without any difficulty. I am being careful to take my time and not twist with any weight on it but really the worst part is that my knees and upper back hurt because I’ve been stooped over and kneeling for the last two months so my body is not used to being standing up and moving again.
I had several serious discussions with people over the course of the day about the future of FPPAS now that Elva, Steve and I have all left the board. two of our very generous donors have reached out and I don’t even really know what to say at this point as I don’t want the society to fail, but I can’t also totally back it until I see where it’s going moving forward 
I didn’t need to use my crutch except as a just in case today. My leg doesn’t hurt but my back does a little as it adjusts to standing tall again. Two months of slouching has taken its toll.
Got a bunch more T4s done and came home to order sushi via door dash as my hello fresh didn’t arrive again. Finished Rae’s wood puzzle and watched SNL 50 years of music. What a soundtrack of my life! I especially loved all the John Belushi clips. He is who I named Jake in tribute of.
Ashlée picked me up and brought me for my postop appointment where I got an x-ray to prove that I was good to start bearing weight again. Dr. Vaile said over the next six weeks. I should try to bear half my weight with crutches using the air cast, and then when I was able to use the air cast and walk, no problem, without crutches, I could take the air cast off and Put on a good ankle supporting boot and begin walking and once I could walk comfortably, I would be able to drive
I was brought back to work where I got a lot done and was terribly shocked by, but not so shocked by the resignation of Steve our president of Fisher Peak performing Artists.
I know he was under a lot of stress and under a lot more stress once both Elva and I did not accept another term. The hard part will be for both of us to just walk away with no regrets. We are both put five or six years into this society, blood sweat and tears, and it will be hard to watch it fail. One would like to think they are not indispensable, but I do know that Steve and I have been the backbone of the organization as far as picking up all the little things that are dropped by others. it will be painful if we don’t see it succeed in spite of our absence.
I was brought home and decided to switch to my crutches, but it became obvious in short order that I could walk in my air cast, and would just carry along the crutch in case. The hard part is wearing the air cast in the house all the time. I’m so used to taking it off when I get indoors and now I really can only take it off when I go to bed or shower.
The time now will be building up my calf muscles again so that I can move to just footwear. and of course it’s still complicated that I need to arrange rides because I can’t drive yet. At least now we only have to worry about fitting in a crutch, not my scooter. 
I was grateful that Bill and Lukas came to get me and shovelled the way in. We made it to Encore for Sawyer’s birthday party. Tomorrow he is 10. The last of the Guedes brothers to hit double digits. It was Disney Music Bingo and we all had fun. It was nice to see Deanne out of hospital and on the mend.
Once home I played a couple games of Outsmarted with Mark. He kicked my butt.
I was so tired but it was only 5 so I had a glass of wine and some popcorn as I watched SNL 50. I have seen many many years of the 50 and thoroughly enjoy the walk down memory lane. I am keeping the recording to watch again.
Gene and Lukas picked me up on their way from church to drop me at the office where I got a good amount of payroll and T4s done. Dave and Deb picked me up there and brought me to there place for a lovely visit and good food. There was a doorbell and two youngsters said,”we want to make some money, can we shovel your driveway?” What a treat to see ambitious kids out who did a great job.
It was really great to visit and I’m enjoying getting to know more and more about my old friend and the missing years. I very much enjoyed watching Beast Games and finished it when I got home although when I look it up online, it’s hard to see how they didn’t treat people very well 
I went to work for the afternoon and got a great deal done. In the morning and afterward I watched the Hip documentary on Prime. it’s very well done. My ankle feels better today.
Oh yeah and I guess it’s Valentine’s Day too but big whoop. I was awake at 3:15 then again at 5:20 and then finally just got up to find it had snowed quite a bit. Missy was as impressed as I was 
Rae drove me to work. I worked my butt off all day. I got pretty cranky towards the end. Rae and Roger came and picked me up after getting my prescription and they also ran in and got more cat food for me. I made a good soup and watched my shows.
My ankle is sore. It’s red around the centre of the scar. I’m hoping having the aircast off for a couple days will let it heal.
Yesterday Today
I just remembered that my day had an actual beautiful start once I got to the office because a man that I met through Rotary who moved here with his wife from Australia, but he’s originally from Ireland reached out to me to mention that he noticed how very down I was yesterday compared to normal and wanted to offer me support as I’ve gone through this traumatic injury, quit smoking, lost my friend, and he just sensed that I was struggling and that if I ever needed to talk to please reach out to him. now that is truly a beautiful human and he actually did make me feel better helped me to remember a happy place to focus on a place where I have felt peace and calm in the past. His place is a trough in the middle of the farm. He grew up on in Ireland. Mine is in our beauty tree over the ocean in Montague Harbour on Galliano Island. I need to remember to transport my self there when I need to escape what’s going on in my head. I thank Kevin O’Driscoll for his kindness 
Winter has wreaked havoc this year on my pathway and gate. It will be interesting to see if it all settles flat again
My leg is bothered, not sure why… Dr says watch to see if it spreads or if I get a fever. I suspect it was just my cast rubbing, but it is still a little bit annoyed tonight.
The speaker at Rotary today was Dr. Andreas about end of life and it was an incredible talk He said the most important thing is for us to ask what matters to you.
Today was extraordinarily stressful as always. I was up at 5:15 this morning worried about work. I got as much as I could done right on through until the board meeting which was my last one and as much as I had things that I wanted to let loose about things stayed calm because the guys are dicks by email not in person Except for a little eye rolling, so I let it ride and then afterwards Steve and I went out for a beverage at Fenwick and Baker before he dropped me off back at home .
I am glad to be done with it. One of the things I did encourage Steve to do was realize that although he wants to completely trust everybody, it is his responsibility to oversee that no one is taking advantage. 
My Ash picked me up today. Work was arduous. Rotary Board meeting was long. The ride up and down on the Heidout freight lift was a lot of fun. Heidi rode with me on the way down and we had fun pretending we were on a ride at Disneyland. Lunch was delicious
Heidi!
I worked right through until 630 when Paul and Laura picked me up to go enjoy wing night at Fenwick and Baker. I had such a good visit with them learning more about them and deepening our friend relationship. I was completely surprised when Robbie the bartender handed me a gift card for 50 bucks to Canadian Tire as a gift from Dave and Kim. What a nice surprise. 
I learned today that Reid‘s girlfriend’s name is Candice and they would like to potentially get together in Vancouver in the near future. I also got a phone call from Jake just checking in and he would love to get together with them if we make a plan as well. all in all it was work stressful and social lovely today. 
OK, so today the manager at the Groundfloor came and picked me up, which was wonderful, with my pot of chilli which unfortunately there was so much food at the potluck that there was a ton left over so I got Ashlée to come and pick it up at the end of the day and take it home to her and her dad and freeze the rest. I probably should’ve kept some for myself. it was a day of a lot of stuff. I am under an extreme amount of pressure to get things done, but I’m also really holding my boundaries which is good.
I got a message from Reid, Jackie‘s son, that she is to be cremated on Thursday or Friday. I was able to ask him the questions that I wished I had when I first talked to him, and it turns out that her COPD and lung cancer took her out in the end. The amazing thing was when I asked him what time she died and I told him how at nine thirtyish his time I started to worry about the women in my life and calling them and messaging them to see if they were OK. It turns out that at a similar time he and his girlfriend started worrying about his mom so they called the care centre and they said no she was fine and then all of a sudden he was given the message to come quickly and he arrived at 12:45 and she passed at 1:10. What an incredible blessing that he was able to be there and she was not alone when she died, which was one of my worries that I was afraid to ask about, but also how incredible is it that the people that she loved the most and loved her the most were so connected at that moment
I want to express all the feels, but what is happening is I just need to get down to business and make up for the time I have lost and try to multitask at the same time. My example is Jackie but also she is not the best example because I learned from her that all things are pushed aside and work comes first and that is not true. I would want to have taught her that that is not true. I had this amazing moment today where a client, Chance, upon finding out what is going on asked if I would like a hug and he gave the best long don’t let go until someone else let’s go hug. it was only the second hug since all of this happened and I was so grateful to communicate with him later how much it meant to me.
I came home and made a double batch of chilli from the recipe that I had when I ran my restaurant back in the day on Salt Spring as tomorrow is our potluck at the Groundfloor. I had hit up my neighbour to come and move the pot from the stove to the fridge though, because that would be a horrible tragedy if I was not able to make that happen.
I worked on a puzzle that I had been midstream of at Ashlée‘s and I am blown away how she was able to lay out the things in the box so that I could continue from the point I left off 
Today I binged Apple TV shows like Shrinking, and Silo while I honoured Jackie by building my Lego Nightmare Before Christmas. The Light my Bricks kit had awesome add as you build instructions online. Jackie’s deceased daughter, Lena, and I had a shared love of all things Jack. I wish Jackie has seen the completed kit.
Tonight I light a candle, something J & I did, often.
I gently applied weight, standing on both feet when I got out of the shower. I will not push it but it was comforting to know I could.
It was ABC zoom morning and for the first time in a very long time we were all there. It was nice to catch up and so good to see Lynda doing so well after her brain surgery. I listened and worked on adding the lights to my Jaws Lego. It turned out really well!
Rae brought me to my pedicure appointment with Melissa who did an amazing job. It was so good to have my feet and legs pampered
I had ordered ingredients for chili through the Viola app at Safeway and Rae picked them up for me. It is a potluck on Tuesday at the office and that is what I shall bring.
This morning I messaged with Mike, the woman who introduced me to Jackie. She’s in Mexico and it was a tough conversation but good to connect. I had more happy memories than deep grief today.
I started working on my Nightmare Before Christmas Lego and the details are amazing in this one too, even if you can’t see it
I don’t sleep well. I woke crying and then made calls to those I knew needed to hear from me.
I was very grateful for the safety stool loaned by the Magees and the handle installed by Gene so that I could have a very much needed shower. It swept away a lot of tears.
Rae picked me up and we went to Desirable nails where she had a pedicure as thanks for driving me so much while I got my nails redone. We had booked it before I heard the news. I chose a colour I knew Jackie would love.
Mine took longer and Rae had a meeting so I wandered Winners and picked up a few things on sale while I waited. It was nice to see Ashlée’s work across the way
Very disturbing Great deal!
I came home and focussed on finishing my Lego.
I am tired and not tired, the day has drained me. Tomorrow will be slightly better
triumphgal 