Winter has wreaked havoc this year on my pathway and gate. It will be interesting to see if it all settles flat again
My leg is bothered, not sure why… Dr says watch to see if it spreads or if I get a fever. I suspect it was just my cast rubbing, but it is still a little bit annoyed tonight.
The speaker at Rotary today was Dr. Andreas about end of life and it was an incredible talk He said the most important thing is for us to ask what matters to you.
Today was extraordinarily stressful as always. I was up at 5:15 this morning worried about work. I got as much as I could done right on through until the board meeting which was my last one and as much as I had things that I wanted to let loose about things stayed calm because the guys are dicks by email not in person Except for a little eye rolling, so I let it ride and then afterwards Steve and I went out for a beverage at Fenwick and Baker before he dropped me off back at home .
I am glad to be done with it. One of the things I did encourage Steve to do was realize that although he wants to completely trust everybody, it is his responsibility to oversee that no one is taking advantage. 
My Ash picked me up today. Work was arduous. Rotary Board meeting was long. The ride up and down on the Heidout freight lift was a lot of fun. Heidi rode with me on the way down and we had fun pretending we were on a ride at Disneyland. Lunch was delicious
Heidi!
I worked right through until 630 when Paul and Laura picked me up to go enjoy wing night at Fenwick and Baker. I had such a good visit with them learning more about them and deepening our friend relationship. I was completely surprised when Robbie the bartender handed me a gift card for 50 bucks to Canadian Tire as a gift from Dave and Kim. What a nice surprise. 
I learned today that Reid‘s girlfriend’s name is Candice and they would like to potentially get together in Vancouver in the near future. I also got a phone call from Jake just checking in and he would love to get together with them if we make a plan as well. all in all it was work stressful and social lovely today. 
OK, so today the manager at the Groundfloor came and picked me up, which was wonderful, with my pot of chilli which unfortunately there was so much food at the potluck that there was a ton left over so I got Ashlée to come and pick it up at the end of the day and take it home to her and her dad and freeze the rest. I probably should’ve kept some for myself. it was a day of a lot of stuff. I am under an extreme amount of pressure to get things done, but I’m also really holding my boundaries which is good.
I got a message from Reid, Jackie‘s son, that she is to be cremated on Thursday or Friday. I was able to ask him the questions that I wished I had when I first talked to him, and it turns out that her COPD and lung cancer took her out in the end. The amazing thing was when I asked him what time she died and I told him how at nine thirtyish his time I started to worry about the women in my life and calling them and messaging them to see if they were OK. It turns out that at a similar time he and his girlfriend started worrying about his mom so they called the care centre and they said no she was fine and then all of a sudden he was given the message to come quickly and he arrived at 12:45 and she passed at 1:10. What an incredible blessing that he was able to be there and she was not alone when she died, which was one of my worries that I was afraid to ask about, but also how incredible is it that the people that she loved the most and loved her the most were so connected at that moment
I want to express all the feels, but what is happening is I just need to get down to business and make up for the time I have lost and try to multitask at the same time. My example is Jackie but also she is not the best example because I learned from her that all things are pushed aside and work comes first and that is not true. I would want to have taught her that that is not true. I had this amazing moment today where a client, Chance, upon finding out what is going on asked if I would like a hug and he gave the best long don’t let go until someone else let’s go hug. it was only the second hug since all of this happened and I was so grateful to communicate with him later how much it meant to me.
I came home and made a double batch of chilli from the recipe that I had when I ran my restaurant back in the day on Salt Spring as tomorrow is our potluck at the Groundfloor. I had hit up my neighbour to come and move the pot from the stove to the fridge though, because that would be a horrible tragedy if I was not able to make that happen.
I worked on a puzzle that I had been midstream of at Ashlée‘s and I am blown away how she was able to lay out the things in the box so that I could continue from the point I left off 
Today I binged Apple TV shows like Shrinking, and Silo while I honoured Jackie by building my Lego Nightmare Before Christmas. The Light my Bricks kit had awesome add as you build instructions online. Jackie’s deceased daughter, Lena, and I had a shared love of all things Jack. I wish Jackie has seen the completed kit.
Tonight I light a candle, something J & I did, often.
I gently applied weight, standing on both feet when I got out of the shower. I will not push it but it was comforting to know I could.
It was ABC zoom morning and for the first time in a very long time we were all there. It was nice to catch up and so good to see Lynda doing so well after her brain surgery. I listened and worked on adding the lights to my Jaws Lego. It turned out really well!
Rae brought me to my pedicure appointment with Melissa who did an amazing job. It was so good to have my feet and legs pampered
I had ordered ingredients for chili through the Viola app at Safeway and Rae picked them up for me. It is a potluck on Tuesday at the office and that is what I shall bring.
This morning I messaged with Mike, the woman who introduced me to Jackie. She’s in Mexico and it was a tough conversation but good to connect. I had more happy memories than deep grief today.
I started working on my Nightmare Before Christmas Lego and the details are amazing in this one too, even if you can’t see it
I don’t sleep well. I woke crying and then made calls to those I knew needed to hear from me.
I was very grateful for the safety stool loaned by the Magees and the handle installed by Gene so that I could have a very much needed shower. It swept away a lot of tears.
Rae picked me up and we went to Desirable nails where she had a pedicure as thanks for driving me so much while I got my nails redone. We had booked it before I heard the news. I chose a colour I knew Jackie would love.
Mine took longer and Rae had a meeting so I wandered Winners and picked up a few things on sale while I waited. It was nice to see Ashlée’s work across the way
Very disturbing Great deal!
I came home and focussed on finishing my Lego.
I am tired and not tired, the day has drained me. Tomorrow will be slightly better
I saw the name when I picked up my phone to answer it. I struggled to answer as I knew in my gut why he was calling. My best friend’s son, Reid, was calling to let me know that his Mom had died today.
I am in an emotional coma, the sobs come in waves. She was the person who knew me best, and loved me even more in spite of, or because of, that. I have so many tales of laughter and tears. The memories are running like a slideshow in my brain at the moment.
I last saw her in July.
I planned to go see her for her 70th in March, but had to wait to see my surgeon before locking down the plan. I was waiting to FaceTime her until I knew. I wish I hadn’t waited.
She set me on the path that led to who I am and what I do today.
Today was complicated and I am glad to get past it. It is late, but I haven’t unwound yet. Gene came this morning and installed my grab bar so I can safely shower. It’s a nice one that matches my towel bars. He then drove me to work.
I was emcee for the first of the Winter Ale series in the Key City lobby and what a blessing
The opener was Oliver McQuaid from Kimberley and he is a very talented singer/songwriter with a touch of comedian.
The main act was The Charms, two ridiculously talented humans, Denis & Meg Dufresne. Also just really nice people!
I accidentally videoed but the sound is so good and the story leads perfectly into the next video so I am keeping it
Have to love a band that so dislikes streaming services that they played through the intermission
Rae picked me up and brought me to my waxing appointment with Ireland and then to Home Depot to buy a safety grab bar for my shower. I also grabbed a plant for my office
I got a fair amount of things done today, but was very frustrated again by my volunteer experience and I am looking forward to being off the board this month. I do not work well with the newest board member and have been refraining for a week and a half from responding to his emails with a firm F off today was so close.
Ashlée bought most of my stuff from her place and pick me up from work which was great. She just missed the things in the bathroom, which I’m sure Rae-Anne can bring in the morning. I am now officially moved home.
I put away most of my stuff and then sat at my table, watching my shows and did two more bags of my Lego Jaws before my foot had had enough and needed to be resting up. 
I saw an interesting thing on one of the shows that I watch and had to look it up online. now I want to go there. 
Rae picked me up this snowy morning I got a great deal done on many things today. I am again stressed and frustrated by the demands on me by a board member with no consideration for my time. I bit my tongue struggling not to reply to his myriad of email with a capitalized fuck off. Near the end of the day the president finally clarified that he was meeting with me on Wednesday to discuss parameters and bought me some time. Keratin kindly drive me home and helped me get my scooter up on my porch. I use a kneel squat combo to get myself up. I made a nice meal. It is most challenging at home to take things out of the oven and the dishwasher
I settled in to do a little Lego and finish watching the Grammys. There were some lovely moments. Chappell Roan especially had a good message. It was impressive how much money was raised to help victims of the wild fires. I finished three bags and put my leg up for a rest.
Today was actually quite lovely. I got some more chores done. I sold a dresser. I made some good food. I rested as needed in between. I decided that I will continue to stay at home as long as I can continue to get rides to and from work as necessary.
I did one death defying thing which was to take a shower in my very deep standalone bathtub. I did text Rae-Anne to let her know that I would text her within 15 minutes and if not to call me and if I didn’t answer come check on me. I was extremely cautious and have decided that I will put a grab bar across the back wall that can double as a bathmat holder so that I am safe for years to come.
I was grateful to Gene who came and shovelled and ice melted my walkway and out to the road as we had a bit of snow today and he also moved my coffee table for me so that now I have a nice turnaround area more convenient then previous
I am going to sleep without my air cast on tonight as I don’t believe I can actually break or do any damage and honestly, I am so looking forward to not having it on for that length of time
It was so nice to awake in my own bed this morning. The night was only interrupted by Missy meowing in a way that made it clear she was pissed off that I was gone for so long.
Over the course of the day she has gotten comfortable enough for me to pet her again although she is still skittish about my scooter
I had a nice day, doing laundry, cooking for myself and moving what I could to make navigation easier in the house.
I have been catching up on my PVR shows in between chores. It is good to be home but I also find myself wondering what the family is up to
I am concerned for Deanne as she couldn’t move today so asked to go to the hospital. I am glad she will get sorted as it has been hard to watch her ability go downhill of late.
Lunch made me think. Why are the servings 4 pieces when there are 9 in the package. Is the 9th one to feed the birds with?
I was so grateful to sign off and head home. I had woken up thinking that I wanted to stay at my place this weekend. Ashley brought me home and helped me gather all the things that I wanted to bring with me. My Ashlée packed up my food and some bevies from the fridge and off I went. Ashley helped me get into my place and grabbed my mail. We had a good chuckle over the fact that there was a yellow pages in my mail box
Next it was off to Western Financial Place where we both were volunteering doing 50/50. I set a chair inside my podium to rest my bad leg on but quickly learned that I was not a flamingo in a previous life. My left leg was aching and kept spasm shooting into my back. I pressed on and had lovely interactions with many people. I was super amazed how many younger children stopped to tell me they hoped my leg got better soon. I even made a little buddy when we finally got opportunity to sit and watch the last period. I was curious as to how this injury usually happens…
It’s melt conditions at the moment t which is good for me. We got me in the house and I was so happy to settle in my chair. Missy is very cautious of me, won’t let me touch her but is curious. I suspect it won’t take long to win her over
Nancy Reid (Emmy’s other grandma) was the speaker today about all the things gas Community Connections does. She did really well. Lunch was cold pasta. We are voting on where to move our meetings to.
After finishing and filing everything possible today, I asked Ashley to drop me at Encore. I read my book as I enjoyed Blueberry Vodka in Hop Water and then Sailor Jerry’s in the same. It was refreshing and tasty. I also hat a Tot-Dog which was very tasty and I think it is the best value on the menu.
Gene and Sawyer picked me up at 7:20 to go get our haircuts from Karissa. I love mine
I am watching Monsters the Lyle and Eric Menendez Story. Shall head to bed soon. Need my rest to heal.
This was the first reason that I didn’t want to get up this morning
I put in 8.5 billable hours, a small break for lunch and the loo, and did some volunteer work on top of that. I became very emotional from the strain of it all and finally texted for a ride just after 7. I was grateful for the pea soup awaiting my return. I was more grateful that when I connected my keyboard that Gene and I picked up this morning to my non functioning laptop, I was able to login in etc. it is effectively now a desktop but at least I don’t have to spend money that I do t have right now.
The best part of the day was when I relaxed into the chair in my jams and removed my aircast and sock. It is hard to explain the grinding down it causes. I am not always in pain, there are merely moments, but I am always aware and uncomfortable. I know that the longer I sit at my desk the worse it gets and yet I am too tired to fully function and move around much. I have to be even more careful. This is the time of year when I am normally so tired that I lose my personal bubble of protection, this multiplies the lack of awareness for my safety.
I also shouldn’t have looked up the usual healing progress and timeline of a syndesmosis Injury combined with a fracture…. Sigh. I am a sad sack tonight. So, I watched ‘A Real Pain’. It was worth it.
I had a lot to do today and did get a chunk of work done. I also got a lot of volunteer and personal things done. Ashlée came and got me at 4 and we started off at CIBC where I had to go in person to pay off a loan before it renewed. They sent me across to RBC to take out cash as I couldn’t use my debit at the counter. Made it back and paid it off which feels good. One less payment a month. Next it was across the street the other way to see Nolan at the Pharmasave Medical supply. He gave me a very good deal on two new socks for in my aircast, and a bulb to inflate and deflate mine so I could give Bills back. He also through in a sample of mattress gel pad to use under my poor knee. What a blessing!
Once home I made my Hello Fresh charred corn and shrimp salad and settled to watch Skeleton Crew and rest my leg.
The rest of the week will prove to be long days and heavy concentration.
I pretty much relaxed and puzzled and binged a show on Netflix today, “Safe”. I also joined the family welcoming their new student, Paul, as Niko left yesterday.
We all headed to Encore to see Maddisun open for Alex MacNeil and the Revenants from Dawson City, Yukon. The sound had terrible issues but the band was fun and kind and also talented
The worst part of the day was trying to boot up my laptop to do some work for Fisher Peak only to find that it has been dropped, and the keyboard does not work. I’m going to try to get my keyboard from home and see if an external keyboard will work with it and begin to treat it like a desktop. Otherwise I’m going to have to go get another one.
I felt very sick to my stomach and no one seems to know anything, but I have to move on. It’s just a thing, right?
triumphgal 