Sawyer’S birthday present arrived although I wasn’t able to get it to him yet.
Rotary was a great presentation by our members who went on an exchange to New Orleans. I admit to being judgy about how poorly they were able to pronounce words that were very clearly French. I expect more from my fellow Canadiens!!
It is one of the places I would like to go sometime. I’ve travelled so much of the US, but haven’t made it to that one little section of Louisiana and Tennessee. Maybe that’s my next road trip
Back at the office, I got so many T4’s done that my brain is spinning . My HelloFresh arrived day late and frozen again. Ashley gave me a ride home. I ended up making one of the meals and working on my diamond dot that Rae gave me for Christmas, which cracks me up. whoever thought they would have a Deadpool diamond painting?!
Ups and downs of today were that I actually was walking without any help and at home I got to put on two slippers and walk around the house without any difficulty. I am being careful to take my time and not twist with any weight on it but really the worst part is that my knees and upper back hurt because I’ve been stooped over and kneeling for the last two months so my body is not used to being standing up and moving again.
I had several serious discussions with people over the course of the day about the future of FPPAS now that Elva, Steve and I have all left the board. two of our very generous donors have reached out and I don’t even really know what to say at this point as I don’t want the society to fail, but I can’t also totally back it until I see where it’s going moving forward 
I didn’t need to use my crutch except as a just in case today. My leg doesn’t hurt but my back does a little as it adjusts to standing tall again. Two months of slouching has taken its toll.
Got a bunch more T4s done and came home to order sushi via door dash as my hello fresh didn’t arrive again. Finished Rae’s wood puzzle and watched SNL 50 years of music. What a soundtrack of my life! I especially loved all the John Belushi clips. He is who I named Jake in tribute of.
Ashlée picked me up and brought me for my postop appointment where I got an x-ray to prove that I was good to start bearing weight again. Dr. Vaile said over the next six weeks. I should try to bear half my weight with crutches using the air cast, and then when I was able to use the air cast and walk, no problem, without crutches, I could take the air cast off and Put on a good ankle supporting boot and begin walking and once I could walk comfortably, I would be able to drive
I was brought back to work where I got a lot done and was terribly shocked by, but not so shocked by the resignation of Steve our president of Fisher Peak performing Artists.
I know he was under a lot of stress and under a lot more stress once both Elva and I did not accept another term. The hard part will be for both of us to just walk away with no regrets. We are both put five or six years into this society, blood sweat and tears, and it will be hard to watch it fail. One would like to think they are not indispensable, but I do know that Steve and I have been the backbone of the organization as far as picking up all the little things that are dropped by others. it will be painful if we don’t see it succeed in spite of our absence.
I was brought home and decided to switch to my crutches, but it became obvious in short order that I could walk in my air cast, and would just carry along the crutch in case. The hard part is wearing the air cast in the house all the time. I’m so used to taking it off when I get indoors and now I really can only take it off when I go to bed or shower.
The time now will be building up my calf muscles again so that I can move to just footwear. and of course it’s still complicated that I need to arrange rides because I can’t drive yet. At least now we only have to worry about fitting in a crutch, not my scooter. 
I was grateful that Bill and Lukas came to get me and shovelled the way in. We made it to Encore for Sawyer’s birthday party. Tomorrow he is 10. The last of the Guedes brothers to hit double digits. It was Disney Music Bingo and we all had fun. It was nice to see Deanne out of hospital and on the mend.
Once home I played a couple games of Outsmarted with Mark. He kicked my butt.
I was so tired but it was only 5 so I had a glass of wine and some popcorn as I watched SNL 50. I have seen many many years of the 50 and thoroughly enjoy the walk down memory lane. I am keeping the recording to watch again.
Gene and Lukas picked me up on their way from church to drop me at the office where I got a good amount of payroll and T4s done. Dave and Deb picked me up there and brought me to there place for a lovely visit and good food. There was a doorbell and two youngsters said,”we want to make some money, can we shovel your driveway?” What a treat to see ambitious kids out who did a great job.
It was really great to visit and I’m enjoying getting to know more and more about my old friend and the missing years. I very much enjoyed watching Beast Games and finished it when I got home although when I look it up online, it’s hard to see how they didn’t treat people very well 
I went to work for the afternoon and got a great deal done. In the morning and afterward I watched the Hip documentary on Prime. it’s very well done. My ankle feels better today.
Oh yeah and I guess it’s Valentine’s Day too but big whoop. I was awake at 3:15 then again at 5:20 and then finally just got up to find it had snowed quite a bit. Missy was as impressed as I was 
Rae drove me to work. I worked my butt off all day. I got pretty cranky towards the end. Rae and Roger came and picked me up after getting my prescription and they also ran in and got more cat food for me. I made a good soup and watched my shows.
My ankle is sore. It’s red around the centre of the scar. I’m hoping having the aircast off for a couple days will let it heal.
Yesterday Today
I just remembered that my day had an actual beautiful start once I got to the office because a man that I met through Rotary who moved here with his wife from Australia, but he’s originally from Ireland reached out to me to mention that he noticed how very down I was yesterday compared to normal and wanted to offer me support as I’ve gone through this traumatic injury, quit smoking, lost my friend, and he just sensed that I was struggling and that if I ever needed to talk to please reach out to him. now that is truly a beautiful human and he actually did make me feel better helped me to remember a happy place to focus on a place where I have felt peace and calm in the past. His place is a trough in the middle of the farm. He grew up on in Ireland. Mine is in our beauty tree over the ocean in Montague Harbour on Galliano Island. I need to remember to transport my self there when I need to escape what’s going on in my head. I thank Kevin O’Driscoll for his kindness 
Winter has wreaked havoc this year on my pathway and gate. It will be interesting to see if it all settles flat again
My leg is bothered, not sure why… Dr says watch to see if it spreads or if I get a fever. I suspect it was just my cast rubbing, but it is still a little bit annoyed tonight.
The speaker at Rotary today was Dr. Andreas about end of life and it was an incredible talk He said the most important thing is for us to ask what matters to you.
Today was extraordinarily stressful as always. I was up at 5:15 this morning worried about work. I got as much as I could done right on through until the board meeting which was my last one and as much as I had things that I wanted to let loose about things stayed calm because the guys are dicks by email not in person Except for a little eye rolling, so I let it ride and then afterwards Steve and I went out for a beverage at Fenwick and Baker before he dropped me off back at home .
I am glad to be done with it. One of the things I did encourage Steve to do was realize that although he wants to completely trust everybody, it is his responsibility to oversee that no one is taking advantage. 
My Ash picked me up today. Work was arduous. Rotary Board meeting was long. The ride up and down on the Heidout freight lift was a lot of fun. Heidi rode with me on the way down and we had fun pretending we were on a ride at Disneyland. Lunch was delicious
Heidi!
I worked right through until 630 when Paul and Laura picked me up to go enjoy wing night at Fenwick and Baker. I had such a good visit with them learning more about them and deepening our friend relationship. I was completely surprised when Robbie the bartender handed me a gift card for 50 bucks to Canadian Tire as a gift from Dave and Kim. What a nice surprise. 
I learned today that Reid‘s girlfriend’s name is Candice and they would like to potentially get together in Vancouver in the near future. I also got a phone call from Jake just checking in and he would love to get together with them if we make a plan as well. all in all it was work stressful and social lovely today. 
OK, so today the manager at the Groundfloor came and picked me up, which was wonderful, with my pot of chilli which unfortunately there was so much food at the potluck that there was a ton left over so I got Ashlée to come and pick it up at the end of the day and take it home to her and her dad and freeze the rest. I probably should’ve kept some for myself. it was a day of a lot of stuff. I am under an extreme amount of pressure to get things done, but I’m also really holding my boundaries which is good.
I got a message from Reid, Jackie‘s son, that she is to be cremated on Thursday or Friday. I was able to ask him the questions that I wished I had when I first talked to him, and it turns out that her COPD and lung cancer took her out in the end. The amazing thing was when I asked him what time she died and I told him how at nine thirtyish his time I started to worry about the women in my life and calling them and messaging them to see if they were OK. It turns out that at a similar time he and his girlfriend started worrying about his mom so they called the care centre and they said no she was fine and then all of a sudden he was given the message to come quickly and he arrived at 12:45 and she passed at 1:10. What an incredible blessing that he was able to be there and she was not alone when she died, which was one of my worries that I was afraid to ask about, but also how incredible is it that the people that she loved the most and loved her the most were so connected at that moment
I want to express all the feels, but what is happening is I just need to get down to business and make up for the time I have lost and try to multitask at the same time. My example is Jackie but also she is not the best example because I learned from her that all things are pushed aside and work comes first and that is not true. I would want to have taught her that that is not true. I had this amazing moment today where a client, Chance, upon finding out what is going on asked if I would like a hug and he gave the best long don’t let go until someone else let’s go hug. it was only the second hug since all of this happened and I was so grateful to communicate with him later how much it meant to me.
I came home and made a double batch of chilli from the recipe that I had when I ran my restaurant back in the day on Salt Spring as tomorrow is our potluck at the Groundfloor. I had hit up my neighbour to come and move the pot from the stove to the fridge though, because that would be a horrible tragedy if I was not able to make that happen.
I worked on a puzzle that I had been midstream of at Ashlée‘s and I am blown away how she was able to lay out the things in the box so that I could continue from the point I left off 
Today I binged Apple TV shows like Shrinking, and Silo while I honoured Jackie by building my Lego Nightmare Before Christmas. The Light my Bricks kit had awesome add as you build instructions online. Jackie’s deceased daughter, Lena, and I had a shared love of all things Jack. I wish Jackie has seen the completed kit.
Tonight I light a candle, something J & I did, often.
I gently applied weight, standing on both feet when I got out of the shower. I will not push it but it was comforting to know I could.
It was ABC zoom morning and for the first time in a very long time we were all there. It was nice to catch up and so good to see Lynda doing so well after her brain surgery. I listened and worked on adding the lights to my Jaws Lego. It turned out really well!
Rae brought me to my pedicure appointment with Melissa who did an amazing job. It was so good to have my feet and legs pampered
I had ordered ingredients for chili through the Viola app at Safeway and Rae picked them up for me. It is a potluck on Tuesday at the office and that is what I shall bring.
This morning I messaged with Mike, the woman who introduced me to Jackie. She’s in Mexico and it was a tough conversation but good to connect. I had more happy memories than deep grief today.
I started working on my Nightmare Before Christmas Lego and the details are amazing in this one too, even if you can’t see it
I don’t sleep well. I woke crying and then made calls to those I knew needed to hear from me.
I was very grateful for the safety stool loaned by the Magees and the handle installed by Gene so that I could have a very much needed shower. It swept away a lot of tears.
Rae picked me up and we went to Desirable nails where she had a pedicure as thanks for driving me so much while I got my nails redone. We had booked it before I heard the news. I chose a colour I knew Jackie would love.
Mine took longer and Rae had a meeting so I wandered Winners and picked up a few things on sale while I waited. It was nice to see Ashlée’s work across the way
Very disturbing Great deal!
I came home and focussed on finishing my Lego.
I am tired and not tired, the day has drained me. Tomorrow will be slightly better
I saw the name when I picked up my phone to answer it. I struggled to answer as I knew in my gut why he was calling. My best friend’s son, Reid, was calling to let me know that his Mom had died today.
I am in an emotional coma, the sobs come in waves. She was the person who knew me best, and loved me even more in spite of, or because of, that. I have so many tales of laughter and tears. The memories are running like a slideshow in my brain at the moment.
I last saw her in July.
I planned to go see her for her 70th in March, but had to wait to see my surgeon before locking down the plan. I was waiting to FaceTime her until I knew. I wish I hadn’t waited.
She set me on the path that led to who I am and what I do today.
Today was complicated and I am glad to get past it. It is late, but I haven’t unwound yet. Gene came this morning and installed my grab bar so I can safely shower. It’s a nice one that matches my towel bars. He then drove me to work.
I was emcee for the first of the Winter Ale series in the Key City lobby and what a blessing
The opener was Oliver McQuaid from Kimberley and he is a very talented singer/songwriter with a touch of comedian.
The main act was The Charms, two ridiculously talented humans, Denis & Meg Dufresne. Also just really nice people!
I accidentally videoed but the sound is so good and the story leads perfectly into the next video so I am keeping it
Have to love a band that so dislikes streaming services that they played through the intermission
Rae picked me up and brought me to my waxing appointment with Ireland and then to Home Depot to buy a safety grab bar for my shower. I also grabbed a plant for my office
I got a fair amount of things done today, but was very frustrated again by my volunteer experience and I am looking forward to being off the board this month. I do not work well with the newest board member and have been refraining for a week and a half from responding to his emails with a firm F off today was so close.
Ashlée bought most of my stuff from her place and pick me up from work which was great. She just missed the things in the bathroom, which I’m sure Rae-Anne can bring in the morning. I am now officially moved home.
I put away most of my stuff and then sat at my table, watching my shows and did two more bags of my Lego Jaws before my foot had had enough and needed to be resting up. 
I saw an interesting thing on one of the shows that I watch and had to look it up online. now I want to go there. 
Rae picked me up this snowy morning I got a great deal done on many things today. I am again stressed and frustrated by the demands on me by a board member with no consideration for my time. I bit my tongue struggling not to reply to his myriad of email with a capitalized fuck off. Near the end of the day the president finally clarified that he was meeting with me on Wednesday to discuss parameters and bought me some time. Keratin kindly drive me home and helped me get my scooter up on my porch. I use a kneel squat combo to get myself up. I made a nice meal. It is most challenging at home to take things out of the oven and the dishwasher
I settled in to do a little Lego and finish watching the Grammys. There were some lovely moments. Chappell Roan especially had a good message. It was impressive how much money was raised to help victims of the wild fires. I finished three bags and put my leg up for a rest.
Today was actually quite lovely. I got some more chores done. I sold a dresser. I made some good food. I rested as needed in between. I decided that I will continue to stay at home as long as I can continue to get rides to and from work as necessary.
I did one death defying thing which was to take a shower in my very deep standalone bathtub. I did text Rae-Anne to let her know that I would text her within 15 minutes and if not to call me and if I didn’t answer come check on me. I was extremely cautious and have decided that I will put a grab bar across the back wall that can double as a bathmat holder so that I am safe for years to come.
I was grateful to Gene who came and shovelled and ice melted my walkway and out to the road as we had a bit of snow today and he also moved my coffee table for me so that now I have a nice turnaround area more convenient then previous
I am going to sleep without my air cast on tonight as I don’t believe I can actually break or do any damage and honestly, I am so looking forward to not having it on for that length of time
triumphgal 