I told Google I was sad and with clarity that I may want to contact professional help I was told these things would help:
Go for a short walk
Smile and watch a funny show
Call a friend
Listen to music
Be in nature
Cry for release
Make your bed in the morning
Write down your thoughts
Mission accomplished!
It was a decent day. I enjoyed the talk at Rotary from the president of the Friends of Fort Steele society. It took me down memory lane to when I was paid as an actor in the living history shows. 20 characters a day in crazy hot costumes of the late 1800s. They are bringing back the program this year and asked me if I was interested, lol. If I wasn’t committed to MusicFest, I would be all over that! I did a bunch of work for all my volunteer things today and got a good jump on two files. That was satisfying.
I am now baking Angel Food cake as I am craving. I won’t beat myself up about it, just enjoy it, tomorrow is another day to watch the calories more closely. …. Life is too fricken short to not eat your favourite cake, and it is the cake my mom used to make me for my birthday. AND it is my birthday month, so there.
I am just sad. I can’t shake it. I am productive in life and dejected in soul. It will pass. I have no dark thoughts to worry about. I am just tired, and sad.
I apparently am still carrying stress as I woke up super early again. It is a remembery day as it would have been my cousin Kelly’s 62nd birthday had she not been murdered. That is one that you really can’t shed entirely. Disease is one thing, absolute senseless is another.
I finished my bunny, took a bath, finished Season 1 of Loudermilk and headed to take my recycling before stopping at Encore for a bite and to watch the kids have fun. I ordered the adult juice box, added soda and cranberry, to make my own Mimosa.
Jake took me for a drive to Walmart in his Tesla and tested the self-driving (and parking!) mode.
I do love my gift from Kimberly, it makes me smile
I stopped at Mom’s and had a quick nap in her chair before bringing her to the Easter Family and Friends gathering at Bill & Deanne’s . The search was fun and we did our usual pictures after a delicious BBQ. I gave Rae and Ash their matching to mine necklaces and Jake a Lovebullies album as well as things for the others.
I dropped Mom back at home and started another puzzle as I watch Season 2 of Loudermilk.
I woke up far too early stewing over an email I received yesterday from a seasonal client. I decided to get up and respond, and once againI set a boundary and moved someone along. There is a great deal of freedom that comes in owning your own life and letting the negative go. I finished my puzzle finally and showered and dressed in time for our ABC Zoom. It was nice to hear from the couples who travelled to the Galapagos since our last chat. They each had very different experiences and mine will be a hybrid of the two.
I picked up Jake for a late lunch after we got the meat for tomorrows BBQ with the whole dang bunch of friends and family. We went to FireHall and I filled my burger of the month card. The burger was delicious and we had a nice catch up. He loved the gift I got him from his favorite artist. His birthday isn’t until July but I couldn’t wait and won’t be here when he comes up as I will be at VIMF. I do believe he was truly surprised.
Once I got home again, I did a few outside chores and then came in and watched the first season of The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin while I did Lego. It’s pretty funny in a Monty Python kind of way. After that I watched CODA which I thought I had already seen but still enjoyed it very much. Now I have finished another puzzle and am watching Loudermilk.
I can’t let go of a comment to me earlier tonight.
I showed a new friend a picture of my kids as she knew who my oldest was and when she saw Jake she said, ‘Oh’
A few questions were asked that lead me to tell his origin story and her first question was… “ was the rape violent?”
I found myself floundering for a response. In 30 years, that was a first. I managed to stammer out, “well, I wasn’t hospitalized” And then her next question was, “ wasn’t ending the pregnancy an option?” I truthfully responded “not for me” and then I honestly just wanted to get out of the conversation entirely.
I had not felt so judged since the time I told my closest male friend after it happened and he asked me what I was wearing.
I wish other people did not have such control over my emotions.
I slept in, puzzled and did chores. Headed to Encore for Rotary on the Rocks. A whole group of us ate and bowled and had a great time before heading up to Nancy’s for a nightcap. It’s a fun group. I stopped to give Jake a hug on the way home as he had arrived from the coast. I look forward to seeing him and Emmy tomorrow.
I saw the most Canadian thing tonight
This morning I ran errands including picking up an amazing gift of a night in the train car at the Prestige which is 375.00 a night for our Rotary Fundraiser. The lunch was early today as it was together with The Chamber and the guest speaker was Mayor Wayne Price. he gave a very informative, albeit long talk. I
picked up a gift card from the restaurant in the hotel and arranged to get a tour of our History Centre rail display to complete the package. Once back at the office I struck another few things off my list before my friend Kimberly came to have her taxes done. We had a good visit and then it was time to pick up Tracey and head to Key City to watch the Sunrise Rotary presentation of One Life. Anthony Hopkins was excellent in this true story of an amazing man. That man rescued 669 children refugees from Prague with Hitler making his way there. For perspective, of the 1000s of children from Czechoslovakia sent to concentration camps, only 200 survived. It is a beautiful and touching story.
I got a lot of work done, even filed 3 tax returns! I then took out a Burger of the Month from ABC and headed to volunteer at our Winter Ale Series at Key City. Fraser and Gabrielle opened. They were very enjoyable. The Lovebullies blew the roof off with their vintage style pop rock. I thoroughly enjoyed them and the great chats over the course of the evening. I would see them again for sure!
My new Lego arrived complete with an Easter gift
I am now at the creepy part of my puzzle.
And I completely forgot that I won two tickets to the Bellamy brothers concert in April for volunteering at Key City Theatre!
Tuesday, an ode to Tuesday… you are not Monday, nor are you humpday, but you hold all the hours to get much done. Thank you
I worked and then stopped at Encore for food and a quick visit with Rae before coming home to puzzle.
Breaking happy news today was that The Milk Carton Kids are coming to VIMF this year! Even Jake remembered how much we loved them when we saw them oh so many years ago.
Today was a lot. I got a lot done and them went to The Heidout for a beverage while I waited for the FPPAS AGM at 7. Had a nice short visit with Trevor before he headed off to his rehearsal. It was nice to catch up. The meeting was good and there was a decent turn out of new and old people. No one stepped up to replace our two retiring board members but the rest of us were voted back in. The Heidout put out a beautiful spread of charcuterie and desserts which they donated. They are always more than generous to the organizations in town and I really appreciate them. Afterwards, 4 of us board members and a husband met at Boston Pizza for a beverage. The conversation was interesting and overwhelming in the same breath. I was walking a fine line of listening and steering in the direction of what could work. It wasn’t always taken well, there was wine involved and I was nursing a beer.
I am trying to calm down now before sleep.
I had a decent sleep, worked on Jake’s boss’s face. This is the owner of Linus Media Group. it is slightly odd to see his pores in bigger than life mode. I also crocheted. I did go to the office for a couple hours to work on FPPAS stuff. Came home and watched The Junos. Nelly Furtado did a great job. Anne Murray looks fantastic.
Yep I woke up feeling rough, but improved with hydration. Tracey took me to get my car and I stopped at Safeway to get makings for dairy and non-dairy cheesy cauliflower.
I cooked and prepped and then settled down to finish my puzzle. Once done I started working on my Star Wars Lego. It was a very enjoyable set which I finished later.
I went for dinner but the turkey was running late so I had some ham and cauliflower which was delicious and a sliver of pumpkin pie. It was nice to see everyone even for a short visit.
Tonight I worked as usher for the James and Jamesy Easy as Pie show. It was quite a brilliant clown show about PTSD. I know that sounds odd but it was a good balance of funny and interaction and pathos. I enjoyed them last time they were here in March 2020 and did again.
Now I am starting a new puzzle of Jake’s bosses face.
Today was productive. I geeked out buying a new project
It was poker night. Had fun, got a ride home due to embibiing
How is it possible that lockdown was four years ago already? I have been blogging since the day I went home from the office to ride out the pandemic. It is almost unimaginable that it has been that long already, especially since the first period of time seemed to stretch into oblivion. I have learned a lot about myself.
I joined Rotary and learn so much each week, this week about the stage 4 drought we are already in with the reduced snow pack. I found the joy of cooking again and being healthy. I let some things, groups and friends go. I struggled to set boundaries, but found great relief when enough time passed to allow me to let the guilt go. I lost too many people; friends and family. I felt the pain because they loved me and I loved them.
More importantly, tonight I thank you for hanging in. I thank you for reading along, for judging silently, for supporting loudly and for being you. Whatever reason there is that you read this silly blurt of my life, it makes me happy to know you are here and I hope you find something in it. Maybe some joy, maybe some encouragement, maybe some empathy… in any case, you make my life fuller by knowing you are there.. and here is to many more years together.
I shall press on (and I am sorry for the poor grammar and punctuation. I don’t want to edit too much or I lose the flow)
I woke up out of a vivid dream at 5:39am. I was unnerved by spending time with my three lost friends and stressed that I would lose the 4th, telling him to not die. I posted on FaceBook and several friends from various places in the world said they had similar ominous feelings. I wonder what happened in the world that we all felt the pain of it.
My Easter treats arrived today. I came home and put them in the eggs that came with them and labeled them for the hunt. I think people will like them. There are 14 adults and 12 kids so we are drawing names between adults and just getting things for each of the kids. I spent a bit for fun toys and am glad for the name I drew.
I am watching The Program: Cons, Cults and Kidnapping on Netflix. It is a well done yet horrifying Documentary. Those poor children.
It was a productive work day, I took the moments to be calm and think of my friend and the memories. It felt good. The phrase, They’re All Dead, Dave kept running through my head as it was the sticker Gordon gave me on my last visit with him. I may rewatch Red Dwarf this weekend… in honour.
I was grateful for a Rotary meeting to discuss the August Chili Cookoff which is co-presented with Fisher Peak. I was happy to bring good points to the table and Lallah was an amazing host who made us a pulled pork dinner.
I came home and watched shows while I puzzled. It is satisfying to be doing a Star Wars galaxy puzzle while I learn to let go.
Today had work. Today had a good burger and a delicious drink. Today had joy.
Today had loss. At 420 this afternoon our dear Gordon moved on. He is out of pain after an 18 month battle with Cancer. His wife and son will have to find their new norm.
Today is sad and happy at the same time. I began a puzzle to try to distract myself, to sit in the feels at an appropriate depth
Emmy was so cute when I went to tuck in last night. I had to mover her so i could get into bed. I left the tiny flamingo lights on in the bathroom and she thanked me in the morning as apparently she got up ‘like 5 times’ last night. We had a cuddle in for a bit and then got up to get on with the day.
We got dressed and headed across to the swings. Good giggles were had and then we played pretend basketball with pinecones. She is smart and creative and fun and it was the first real day that felt like spring. We laughed at how small the slide seems now when I used to fear her going on it as a wee thing. We popped back home to have a little breakfast before her Mom picked her up. I look forward to seeing her again at Easter when Jake will pick her up and bring her down.
She made a video promise that she will still want to spend time with me a decade from now, lol.
After she left I did a few more chores and then built my small lego before crocheting and watching the last three episodes of Masters of the Air. It was really incredible and even more so as it is based on real guys. I watched The Bloody 100th, a documentary about the guys after and it was worthy of a few tears. The Street Fighter Ken was off brand and wee little blocks. It was more challenging and I actually had a nail peel back while I was doing it. I will have to go get that fixed soon.
I made cottage pie which is delicious and then settled down to watch Zone of Interest, the last of the Oscar nominated movies to watch. It was horrifying.
It was so hot today that I actually had to turn on the AC as I was melty.
Today was the day to do my Family Tree that I bought at the Lego Store in Downtown Disney. I honestly thought it would take longer, but I did enjoy it. It wasn’t that hard as I was able to do it while watching the movie with subtitles.
My puzzle sorters were handy once again. I loved that there is a wee heart deep in the core of the trunk right where the branches spread out. Such a cool touch. I do love it, will just have to get some wee pics made.
