triumphgal

I got the pleasure of hearing the voice of a dear friend today. I had a PST question and reached out. She was busy and by the time she called back I had dealt with it through Service BC but I was so glad to hear my dear Cresslynn’s voice. She is the Production Manager, the backbone of Vancouver Island Music Fest and I haven’t seen her since mid-July 2019. This is the longest apart in as long as I can remember. Neither of us had time to talk long but we will make a plan soon. I have such great relationships with my Comox Valley friends but worry that if life doesn’t bring me there again, I will lose touch and we will be just another round of Facebook memories. They make me so happy and fulfilled to be around them, be part of the joy that creating a festival together brings. Cresslynn just sold her the land and building her business has been operating in forever. The Cumberland Pub or Cumbie has been a cornerstone of the community for years. She has tried to sell it as a pub and restaurant for years but a developer now will bring a different flavour to that corner of town. I am sure it was a hard decision for her to come to and it is just another thing that will never be the same.

Covid-19 has taken it’s toll on my trust sensors. I want to continue to develop close relationships but then I find out that a client who has become more of a friend really doesn’t believe in the necessity of a bubble and even went for a tattoo today. I was surprised they are allowed. Another thing I have been stressing about is that two weeks ago I let the tech guy at work take my laptop to swap out the hard drive so it run faster but it had a bios error and won’t reboot. Apparently Asus wants him to send it to them. I am so stressed over not having it but don’t want to get angry at something that he clearly did not do on purpose. I am however getting angry at The Brick as I bought my appliances on Oct 2 and still haven’t received them nor an actual date of delivery. I went there to check on it today and was offered that they will find similar but available as Samsung has had a production glitch. I still haven’t received my doors that I ordered and paid for on August 16th, my countertops were picked up in Delta 9 days and no word where in the delivery line they are here yet. I message my plumber about my need for a new furnace and plumbing for the softener system and hear a chorus of crickets. I am trying to be kind but I am on eternal hold for everything while in the meantime I am bombarded with requests for assistance that all seems immediately important. I do not have the ability to push pause. That isn’t my style though so I will continue to get er done.

I had a delivery notice in my door last night from Purolator and was excited to go see what someone had sent me. It was one Tupperware item in a box! All this time they have been dropping on my porch and now I have to go to the depot? So odd. Had to show ID and everything..

I opened my advents tonight and it was Sally! And lotion, really lovely lotion and I want to just keep putting it on.

It was very crisp today. My home is warm. Life is good.

I went in early this morning to record a story for the Christmas series that is being co-sponsored by Cranbrook Dodge and Cranbrook Community Theatre. Every night at 6pm mountain time from the 1st to the 24th someone will read a story for kids. I read one of my pop-up books today and it ended up being aired tonight which was cool.

My brain is still not back to normal. During and for a while after a depressed cycle I find myself stressed I will make a mistake or forget something. My favourite thing is to catch my own mistakes quickly and solve them. That has happened twice in as many days. I had to call CRA today about a file and was thrilled to catch some things that were not mine but could have been troublesome. I had such good help from two levels of agents that I gave them kudos. I remember what it was like working on the phone lines for what was then Revenue Canada and it is nice to be recognized.

We will be moving to the new office spaces next week it looks like. I am looking forward to it. It is noisier than ever in my space currently.

This morning’s Christmas countdown fun was a Zero decoration and a cool highlighter. I am an office supply nerd so it was appreciated.

I finally received the physical part of my Timeular App. I have been using the time tracker app for weeks on my desktop and the cool gadget was stuck in customs as they didn’t have my number to let me know I owed 16 in duty. I didn’t get to use it today but it is seriously cool and I will let you now how it works when I do.

I met at the TD bank to sign on as Treasurer for CCT and am really enjoying getting to know Peter and Sheila, the Pres and VP. As we work through setting up policies around the practices over the years things are streamlining. The only problem is we are really busy with everything all at once. Keeping theatre alive is very important but also a full time job! We are doing a membership drive in honour of Bud Abbott who would have been 100, letters and zoom with Santa, streaming It’s A Wonderful Life and the Christmas Story and that is just December!

An extremely satisfying day. I Dressed for December best and spouted platitudes about “if you can’t sparkle inside, be sparkling outside”. I met with a few people in masked opposition and got things in order. It was a big payroll day and huge launches for Community Theatre. We are doing bedtime stories for kids starting tonight and announced visits virtually with Santa with donations to food bank. Pretty exciting stuff. A client whom I served at the firm dropped in to my office today with work to do completely unaware I haven’t worked there in over a month. I felt bad for him and he was sad I am not doing his books anymore. Odd they didn’t let him know but I don’t think they fully appreciated the relationships I built with their clients. There is a new section in the Co-working space I have an office in that I will be moving to. My office will be more secluded and has a window to the outside which will be nice for concentrating and growing plants! They had the post construction cleaners in today and the cleaning chemicals gave me a reaction. I am sure there will be chemicals off-gassing from the glued down carpets so I am bringing my scentsy collection to counteract. Not sure exactly when the move will be but the desks are currently being built.

After work Diane met me at Grapes and Suds Brew. It was a lot of work to load up the 93 bottles. We had fun bottling 3 batches of fruit wine: Green Apple, White Sangria, and Pomegranate Wild Berry. There was lots of laughter and chat with Bill the owner as well.

I was blessed that Sean and Diane will store for me until I get organized with the Reno and all. We enjoyed pizza and crib before I got tired of the whole long day and headed home. I arrived home and opened the parcel that arrived today. It was my new tap set that I ordered on Black Friday! I started ordering items to complete my renovations on August 16th. I am still waiting for the appliances, counter tops, sink and doors but I have the tap of my dreams. Ever since I ran a restaurant back in the early 2000s I have wanted a restaurant style tap. I finally got one and it is a beauty, matte black and stainless. It came boxed and bagged like a pair of Fluevogs which is pretty impressive. I shall pet it once in a while until I manage to get it installed.

I received my first Christmas card today as well, all the way from Bracknell UK from dear cousin Bea. She is so talented and organized, lol. I poured a sip of delicious and opened the first of both my advents. First Jack Decoration and nail polish from Rae. This is going to be a fun month!

I spent time before work wiping down the outside of the bottles, using Goo Gone to get the rest of the label stickiness off. Got to the office around 9 and organized the to do list for the day. Immediately it was thrown off by a call from the Culligan Man. James wanted to come and test my water to help me decide what system to get for my place. They have some good offers on currently and it is time to take care of conditioning and softening the water before it damages my new appliances. My hair really needs the help as well! It took a bit to figure out where it could fit and where the lines could run. That is the main problem with a mobile home.. no access from underneath. Fortunately I know where every hiding space is and we came up with a good plan. The current date to install is Dec. 30th but possibly the 21st. I have to get Justin the plumber in before that to take care of running the lines. It was interesting to find out that there were new pump stations put in in Cranbrook. It explains why I didn’t have such a bad hard water problem at my home across town. Apparently the pump house is only a block away and that puts me at the beginning of all things; chlorine, dirt, iron, etc. I am getting all things the way I want here and I’ll continue to do so bit by bit.

My throat was sore this morning and I was reminded that on Friday night Sean choked on his martini and coughed it on me. Although I suspect my soreness is due to using the cleaning product for so long yesterday, it instills the small voice that says, what if it is Covid? You aren’t supposed to be visiting in someone else’s home, even if they are your extended family. This would be all your own fault.

Maureen came and gave me some clarity on the CCT books. I feel caught up now, just need to reconcile the GST for as far back as I can claim it. That is a big plus!

I was told the countertops were in Cranbrook and it was going to cost me extra to get them delivered and it wouldn’t be until Wednesday so I called Outlander and they said it is so busy right now that there are trucks in a holding pattern awaiting opportunity to get unloaded at the warehouse. My shipment is still in one of those trucks. The lady was very nice and said she will call and let me know as soon as I can come and get them. I can’t shoot the messenger, everything is taking FOREVER to arrive. All will be in it’s perfect time. I had to contact FedEx about a parcel held up in Calgary as well. Patience….

I rescued a couple rose plants at work. The one on the left has just come into my care. The one on the right started like that and today I noticed a wee bud in the middle!

My day ended with doing my billing for the first time to all the clients who came along with me when I left the firm. Before I had gotten home I had heard from three of them to just go pay myself from their accounts. That is a level of trust that is just … extra. I honour that. My garbage guy, Matt is coming to the rescue again. I sent him a picture of all that I ripped out of the kitchen and he said to leave it on the porch and he would take it away on Wednesday!

Ashlée came by to surprise me with my Christmas present from her and Ken. It is an incredible Pop-up Advent Calendar themed Nightmare Before Christmas. I love it. I collect Pop-up and Jack so win-win!

More stuff off the list today! Ripped off all the faux brick paneling in the kitchen, replaced the white range hood with the stainless one I bought for $10 and washed down the walls ready for the new countertops that are supposed to show up tomorrow. There were several layers of finish through the years. I was glad I recently charged my toque as it made it easy to install the range hood when I had my hands free. My vertigo really acted up when i was trying to look up to do it though.

Rae messaged to go for a walk and since I needed to get my steps in for a Fitbit challenge I was eager to go. We are not sharing cars so I went to her place and we walked down town and window shopped all the streets. She found some very great deals at two difference places for the boys for Christmas. It was lovely weather and great to get out with her. It was essential for me to get some good sunshine time.

I came home and got busy cleaning wine bottles as Tuesday is bottling day. As I have a three different batches down I needed at least 90 bottles ready. I was short 26 so picked some up from Bill and Deanne’s (my first husband), Vanessa (daughter’s close friend and neighbour) and Roger (son-in-law) in order to have enough. Of course none of theirs were even rinsed so there was a lot of cleaning and scrubbing of labels. Once I was done, several hours later, I realized I had created my own Christmas tree so I grabbed my Angel and the decoration I bought yesterday for a quick picture. I love it!

with gratitude to Shawn Mendes:

Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’t
It isn’t in my bloodLaying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I’m overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly
Just have a drink and you’ll feel better
Just take her home and you’ll feel better
Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I’m crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’tIt isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my bloodI’m looking through my phone again, feeling anxious
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this
I’m tryna find a way to chill, can’t breathe, oh
Is there somebody who could help me?It’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I’m crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’tIt isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my bloodI need somebody now
I need somebody now
Someone to help me out
I need somebody nowHelp me, it’s like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can’tIt isn’t in my blood
It isn’t in my blood, oh, oh
It isn’t in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn’t in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn’t in my blood

There were times I jokingly sang this chorus when I didn’t think I would make a deadline but the reality is that it goes for deeper than that. There was a time back in the 90s when I was suicidal for the last time, Lord willing. I was working at a Hardware store and I looked my manager in the eyes and told him I didn’t think I wanted to be here any more. He recognized what I was saying and took me to the hospital. I was given drugs, counseling and suicide watch until they were convinced I could go home. I followed up with counseling and was told I had the strongest will to live they had seen. No matter what my brainstorm was telling me, it wasn’t in my blood to take my life. I rely on the knowledge of that built in safety, maybe too much. I got my first tattoo after that. I was in my mid 30s and got a winking happy face to remind me whenever I looked in the mirror that things would never be allowed to get that bad again. When I heard this song the first time there was a strong resonance that I couldn’t deny, nor could I ignore the fact that I had all the tools to get through anything. This last week or more tried to kick my tail but this time I didn’t keep my pain to myself, I shared and talked and used the tools I have been taught, and I made it through. Thank you to all of you out there who have followed along. There is something comforting in knowing someone is hearing what I have to say. My pain is in being silenced, my joy is in serving and in being appreciated for what I bring to any situation. Seriously, without that, why bother. A life well lived, a grateful heart, good friends and basic creature comforts is really a lot.

Last night when I left the Campbell’s Sean gave me a book. It was quite the surprise. I appreciate it especially as I have been to Hemmingway’s house in Key West. I hung my first decoration on the tree that is in honour of my grandson’s favourite game, Fortnite.

I had great intention to get a lot done at home today. I did but not as much as hoped because I took opportunity to enjoy relationship when offered. I did get my washer and dryer hooked up properly which I will admit was challenging single handed to put in the new vent and hook up the stacking. I did a happy dance after! I also started stripping the faux brick paneling off to get ready for the new countertops which should be here on Monday. The difference already is making my kitchen look huge and I get two more cupboards that are usually above the fridge and I can’t reach them. I found a few layers of changes from over the years. Can’t wait for my new fridge, stove and dishwasher to get here!!!!

I did laundry that included my masks from the week. Good to have an array.

I am grateful that I was able to take opportunity this morning to stay in bed, drink coffee and watch the last two episodes and the last 4 of Disney Gallery about the Mandalorian. It is very good escapism for me and got me off on the right foot to get more things done today. I went to Culligan to set up a water test and quote on a whole house water softener, took a walk with Rae-Anne and Ashlée to a pop-up Christmas shop where I bought a few items from my favourite local artist, Neen. Met over a glass of wine with Maureen about our volunteer stuff and good conversation followed. All in all a very productive day even if it wasn’t exactly as I imagined yesterday.

I had the weirdest feeling today that I am in a strange one sided conversation with the world. If you have recently joined this convo, please read what you can to check in. If you would like to know more, message me. I will answer any questions and address any issues. I try to just share my life as I experience and process it in the mental state I am in each day. Some days are better than others and I don’t always recognize when my demons are winning. I do feel that I am currently rising above.

This morning I struggled a bit as there had been a lot of awake time in the night and then I saw that all my inflatables were struggling. I got ready for work and then went out and pegged them down as best I can. It was super funny when I arrived at work and a while later caught myself in a mirror. the wind had done quite the job!

I had a big list to get through this month and by the time I left work I feel I accomplished most of it. The problem I was fixated on was that I put in nearly 40 hours volunteer during my money earning time. I am ok with that as I committed knowing I would have catch up to do. The obsession is coming with using up billable hours but I need to rest in the Knowledge that my bills are paid for and I can make bucks in December.

Rae-Anne’s advent calendar arrived which was a lovely surprise as I had received and email saying it wouldn’t be until Dec 5th

Layla is always so good to see me but I suspect it is because she wants treats. Her current ones make me laugh.

After completing so much work and being grateful for my first month solo I went to Sean and Diane’s for dinner. We had a lovely evening with good food, crib, and Wii Trivial Pursuit which seemed to go on forever.

I was glad to see the neighbor across the street and lights were on as I needed photos of her furnace for my plumber. Sandy is super nice and her place is lovely and I got the pictures and forwarded them on. I am worried he won’t find the one I need for the rebates. It will be more expensive otherwise.

Good night, my friends and sleep well!

The Covid lock up the common area solution is pretty.

I went and signed papers for access to the Community Theatre’s investments, completed a Mystery Shop for Imperial at a Cardlock which was quite a different experience as I have never even used one before, picked up a bottle drying rack and cleaner at the You Brew and stopped at Canadian Tire where I picked up a tree skirt, batteries for my light up caravan and a new stick vacuum on sale. Before I got away from CT I saw one last box on a shelf and had to add to my collection.

I had a very tough night last night. For the third time in as many months I woke in the night with reflux burning my throat causing me to vomit until there was nothing left. The only way I could get back to sleep was to prop myself on my pillows and take a throat numbing lozenge. I still have a hard time understanding that my hernia is too small to do something about surgically. Dr. Dan’s office called today to set up an appointment to talk to him in December. She said they had forwarded my referral but that I should call in January to see when I might get in to the ENT… next year…. argh.

I mostly worked on volunteer things again today which I am going to have to be careful of. Need to pay the bills and keep up my commitments. The plumber called and he is having trouble finding a furnace that will work in my place. Asked if I could get a picture of my neighbour’s for an example. She worked late and I don’t want to go bother her after 11. Will try tomorrow.

Wished my American friends a Happy Thanksgiving. Got a message from a past love, a person who still holds a place in my soul. We parted because his ex was trying to make him stay single by refusing me to be around his daughters and that just couldn’t be a choice. I walked and have always cared deeply for him. It is odd timing for him to reach out with a joke video and then a voice message. It was so good to hear his voice. There was a time I was depressed and reached out and he didn’t respond in the way I hoped or needed so I decided I wouldn’t do that again. This time it seemed like he knew where my mood was and was being uplifting even though I did not reach out and have tried not to put too much on FaceBook. Maybe that is what he noticed. The absence of conversation sometimes speaks loudly.

Enough rambling, need sleep as I have much to accomplish and I believe my new countertops arrive tomorrow! I ordered a sink and tap from Wayfair on sale today. They are supposed to be here by the end of next week but after finding out from Home Depot that my doors I ordered in August won’t be here for another 3 or more weeks… well, who knows.

It is 9:30 and I can hardly keep my eyes open as I woke at 4:20, tried to go back to sleep and was processing work in my head so ended up at my desk before 7. I got a lot done today, like a great deal. I even was able to go to the theatre and arrange proper internet for the whole building. Maureen had done the footwork, arguing deals and then I met with the installers and made a plan. I was thrilled to find Jared arrive as he is the electrician who helped me when I blew the power the first day in my new place. He has been working for them for a couple years now and was able to see why we have a problem with a buzz in the lines. They are going to get us up to speed, so to speak! And Armando, well he just has the best head of hair I have seen in a long time, I am jealous.

That brings me to the subject I have been avoiding. I have been vainglorious around the head of hair I have been blessed with. No matter what colour or style it has been thick and luscious. And now as I am growing out my shaved side, letting it be long and natural, it is thinning substantially. I have been aware of large amounts coming out in the shower and in my pick. I really noticed I can see my scalp and I have never been able to before. I suspect it is a side-effect of the stress and whatever else is going on with me. I sure hope to hear from the specialist soon.

On another note, I am really happy to see how much Christmas is popping up everywhere. Even the space I work in took my advice to cover the shelves, where the dishes we can’t use are, with wrapping paper. They look so lovely, I will try to remember to take a picture tomorrow. Every one seems to be doing well settling into the rules of our Covid safety plan. Well, most are. Some really odd things happen that make me go hmmm but I think those are moments when someone just forgets.

I feel less reactive today, still pretty exhausted but it all makes sense, so much has gone on. My depression has almost always been anger suppressed and turned inwards. A few things including being yelled at by Fred, being disrespected by others had left me feeling out of control and silenced. It is that invisible hand over my mouth that sucks the life out of me, that drags me down, that convinces me that on some level I deserved to be treated that way. I go into self protection withdrawal mode. I am blessed to be doing this blog as it lets me voice some of it and gives people who care a peek into where I am at. Not everyone can cope with the sharp tongue and abrasive attitude but those who do are key to letting me vocalize and let loose what should not stay in my brain. I am grateful for them.

I told my Google Home that I was depressed and it replied that it wished it had arms so it could hug me and to remember that not everything my brain tells me is true. That is the truth.

I do not feel as though I am spiraling downwards any longer. It is a subtle difference but I feel it. I was mostly able to concentrate on what I needed to do today. I managed to put in over 10 hours of volunteer work. It was easier to do that during the week than add more days to the week. I do have a file I need to get done before Friday for sure but for the moment I need to get the my new Treasurer responsibilities caught up so that it is not hanging over me and we have the reports necessary for our founders and grant applications. I stayed right through at work until after 9 in order to attend the Board meeting comfortably as I still don’t have my laptop back from Brett. He took it on Thursday to replace the hard drive which he convinced me would make a big difference. When I reached out to find out why I don’t have it back yet he said it wouldn’t boot up due to a Bios issue and he was waiting to hear back from ASUS. This stresses me out. I am practicing patience. Keri found me a camera and I hooked it up to my work computer. I then did a test run with Sean on Google meet to make sure it worked. Maureen had come by with Treasurer and board stuff and left me my cards. It is funny as I can’t imagine handing out a card as Treasurer but maybe yes as Tech Director. We had our Board meeting and actually had a lot of positive in spite of having to cancel or postpone a lot of plans. Ideas for Christmas and paying it forward abound.

One of the other joys of my day was enjoying one of the apples Rae-Anne gave me. It is dark and crispy, looks luscious like a cherry and was so delicious. I must find out the type so I can find more.

I do so enjoy how early everyone seems to be turning on the lights this year. I only hope they keep them on through January as well.

Full on self preservation mode. I am trying hard to follow my creed to be a good person. I only have two modes right not though, either bite my tongue or full disclosure. I know I am doing the best I can but also know I am disappointing some people and will not meet all my promises. I will meet deadlines that involve the government. I will not complete all my volunteer obligations in the allotted time. I must learn to live within my limitations. It is hard as I have rarely given in to my brainstorms. This feels strongly as though I should honour the time of hibernation, hunker down and let the storm pass. There are people directly in my daily circle that have children at a private school with confirmed Covid. It feels too close. I set up my coffee station in my office. Although ironically I am supposed to cut out caffeine amount other things.

I heard from the internist today and he does not feel that the hernia is big enough to have caused my issues. He wants to refer me to an ear nose and throat specialist. I broke down and told him i am concerned for my mental health as there is no way to know how long that referral will take. he said he would write a letter along with the referral and check in on me in three weeks. He also told me for the first time in 5 years that the pills I am taking should be on an empty stomach and twice a day. So, mostly I am disappointed and overwhelmed and just want to shut my door and tell the world to Fuck Off. My response to everything right now should be No, just no.

It was Sunday 03-22-20 when I began this page-a-day blog. I went back and read about that day and it feels as though I could copy and paste a good deal of it. I no longer work for someone else’s firm but I am back in the same boat physically and mentally. Time for me to recover, let myself rest, get some more things off my stress list and then STOP MAKING LISTS, real or imagined.

I woke earlier than I wanted to. I tried to just stay in bed and relax. My phone rang and it was Maureen. She had read and reached out. It is clear she has previously dealt with other’s depression. Her words were uplifting, encouraging and specific to my issues at the moment. I was given opportunity to just let go, and cry. She encouraged me to just do one thing on my list today and that would be enough.

I got ready and headed over to give Will his present as he turns 9 tomorrow. We had a nice moment out in the sun.

Next stop was to get the Willys into my name and get the storage insurance on it. I had to call Ashlée to meet me at the Insurance place as we missed one necessary signature. She paid for the storage insurance which was only 30 dollars and expires on her birthday in April. It feels good to have my baby back.

I decided it was a beautiful day for a drive, which always cheers me up. I had gas station mystery shops to do in Kimberley and Ft Steele so off I went. It was a great choice to take my mind off everything else and I met some sweet employees. Between the two I decided to take the long way and stopped for a safe distanced short visit with my Cousin Jeanne. I have loved her my whole life and she is dealing with her own tough health issues. We commiserated and laughed. It was hard not to hug her but so good to see her face.

I had no idea how great the store was that is attached to the Esso at Ft Steele. It is an RV resort and has a wonderful collection of gifts and antiques. After I was done my job shop I went back and bought a little gift for a friend to stick in her Christmas card. Support local!

It was pretty well dark by the time I got home. It’s funny that I actually like my outdoor decorations in the daytime as much as the night. I put my Candles in the Window. It is a tradition I learned of in Newfoundland and I love it. A lit candle is a symbol to weary travelers that they are welcome in this home.

I decided to make myself a good dinner and dessert to use the food I have and not waste. Main course was a take on bruschetta with tomatoes, bocconcini and fresh sole on multigrain baguette, so delicious. Dessert was apple crisp as I had 6 apples of various types starting to get a bit old. Rae had given me some fresh ones today for snacks. It turned out so good and the place smells awesome.

I do feel a lot better and will get the book work done tomorrow that I was going to do today. My mental health break was much more necessary. I hope I have ridden the wave of Covid Fatigue and am on the mend.

Started my day with The Monthly ABC Zoom. Lots of good chat and catching up. Found out one of us has Covid-19 which was shocking especially as she looks so fine. I understood that she had a headache and no sense of smell, other than that, just fine. All of the talk bust have just tripped a wire for me as I got super emotional. They are all so kind and loving and I was grateful to be able to melt down a little. I guess my Covid fatigue is real and I just want to check out for a while. Seems my .iPad knows I should reach out and suggested I contact my cousin Debbi.

I decided to go get groceries and painting supplies, etc. so i can hunker down for a while. Stopped at Home Depot to check on the doors I ordered August 16th to have them say they were last supposed to have been shipped n the 6th from Quebec. They will follow up and let me know. As it happens, my appliances I ordered on the 2nd of October through The Brick still aren’t here either but the new countertops are arriving Thursday or Friday. Yay, small business! Came out of the store to see my car has nasty scratches. Argh….

Picked up the last grandkid Christmas present today so there’s that. Wrapped Will’s birthday lego for Monday and put away the groceries that had to go in the fridge or freezer. And then I finished watching THe Long Way Up. I am sad it is over as I did enjoy spending time on that journey. Part of it made me even sadder that travel is so out of the question for who knows how long and part of it brought tears of joy. The moment the clouds lifted and Ewan saw Machu Picchu for the first time I knew exactly what he was feeling. He had wanted to go there since he was a child, just as I had and I won’t ever forget how it felt to be there. The part where we learn about his adoption of the young child from his 2004 trip was just lovely. There were so many great moments, odd choices around renovating a bus and times of fear for them on the trails they were riding. It really did take me out of the dark place I was in for an evening and now I shall go to sleep, perchance to dream.

I had a pretty peoply day. Jumping from one thing to another, working hard to concentrate and prioritize. Assisting with new ways to connect for the two board meetings I have Monday and Tuesday, being highly aware of the crack down necessary at the space I work in. I really worked hard to not snap at anyone who felt the need to say, but the kids are still in school, or the restaurants are still open. I just want us to be sheep for a little bit. Let it pass and then celebrate all the freedoms. I was grateful to lock up and go home at 4 to meet my plumber to discuss putting in a new furnace as mine is the original from 1980! It really is a miracle it is still running and there are big rebates on high efficiency ones at the moment so I am going for it. I am pretty sure my furnace is older than my plumber…

While I was waiting for him I finished putting up the decor in my yard.

A little fun for the season. And then I came in and set up my tree. At first I just plunked it together and wondered how it could look great but as the evening progressed I started shaping the branches and it really is beautiful. I am glad I was able to take advantage of the crazy sale on The Bay website.

I really am feeling over stimulated or over called upon, or something approaching, I need a break. I pretty much stopped checking email and Facebook etc and sat in the pretty changing lights of the tree with a glass of red wine and my iPad and started watching The Long Way Up with Ewan MacGregor and Charlie Boorman. It was like catching up with old friends. I watched the 2004 Long Way Round and 2007 Long Way Down. I own the books as well and was so happy when Ashlée asked me if I knew about the recent one. She gave me access on her Apple TV and I am so enjoying it. They are riding from Patagonia, the southern tip of South America all the way to Los Angeles, California, The real twist this time round is they are using prototype electric bikes and trucks. Very futuristic machines. Short range though for what mileage they have to cover. It is interesting to see them getting older and how deep their friendship is. I have enjoyed my down time but after 4 of 10 episodes i had better stop for the night. It is really windy again..

I really struggled with inflammation this morning, coughing up a lot of phlegm. I always need to get it under control before going out in public, especially in these ‘Rona Days. It is exhausting when it is bad, I want to laze around, not try to concentrate. I did, however, go in to work and actually got so much done. I found a mistake I made and fixed it, gave council to a young man about his business, did a little volunteer work and debated what the answer to 8/2(2+2) equals. It is apparently creating arguments on the internet. I know it to be 16 but using different order it could be 1. I also competed a file and filed his GST. A

nd then I listened to Dr Bonnie’s briefing and learned that what has been mandated for the lower mainland has now become Province wide and more restrictions are back.

New Public Health Orders as of today, B.C. WIDE

• Masks are now mandatory at all indoor public spaces.
• Weddings and Funerals are a MAX of 10 people.
• No traveling outside of our own communities.
  (Unless for work or essential travel only)
• NO visitors at our homes, UNLESS you live ALONE
  (1-2 [max] visitors if living alone, but they must be the same 1-2 people throughout)
• Keep to our own households.
• No gatherings what so ever.
• No church services or events – the previous max of 50 is suspended.
  (See virtual alternatives)
• No high-physical indoor group activities – eg. No hot yoga, no spin class
  These are all for the next 2 weeks, when they will reevaluate.

I already had plans to go to Sean and Diane’s for dinner. When I arrived I confirmed they would be my people throughout. We will see how it goes. Dinner was delicious although it contained peppers in the seasoning and my guts are not happy. We played crib and discussed how the new rules would look to our work and play times. Already there had to be changes to the two board meetings I am involved in next week. It was interesting to find out one of the members does not have a cell phone nor a computer that will work for Zoom.

We watched the episode of SNL with Dave Chappell. I was seeing it for the second time and still marveled at how edgy and uncomfortable it was, exactly as SNL used to be. Comedians are often the ones to shed light on what needs to be seen.

I am trying to be calm and kind, and safe. It’s the best I can do.

Los Texmaniacs, that is what I am listening to and I was blessed today to be asked to share that on a live stream for Key City Theatre. They do a regular item on Wednesdays and not long before today’s I was asked to fill in for the time slot. That was exciting and I said yes because a special band of men was on my mind. I will let it speak for itself. https://www.facebook.com/621672395/posts/10157190367002396/

I watch it back and am pleased to share my love for these fine musicians but it is so hard not to judge myself, I see all the pounds gained, the fact that I am growing out a shaved half of my head and allowing the grey to ‘shine’, owning the crone. I am me and as a woman in the building said today: “this is a compliment, no one can ever say you are boring.” All that and yet I cringe, I think those who love me don’t see me negatively, or they may be shocked if they haven’t seen me in a while. All I know is that growing older, expanding the world with loving relationships around the globe, worshiping the gifts of my friends and acquaintances, and loving the life I am creating in this Pandemic World trumps all negative feelings I have about my current appearance. (I used to love the word trump…)

I love that after the interview I go online to realize it is Noel, the Bass player’s birthday. A great day to pay tribute to the band.

Do you ever meet people, effectively in passing, and think you would be great friends in another universe? Sometimes I just know I would happily hang out with people I meet and wish we didn’t live so many states and provinces and oceans and countries apart.

I did a little Christmas shopping for the grands today. It is time to get the orders in if they are going to get here in time. My Christmas tree I ordered through The Bay arrived today. I was going to set it up tonight but it turns out I just needed to relax and watch The Good Doctor. I did get in the mood earlier today by going in early and decorating my office. I know I border on tacky but it brings people to the door to chat and enjoy it and that is the ultimate goal, connection.

I worried that both my and Diane’s new jobs would interfere with out time together as friends. She did contact me tonight to come over for dinner and crib (ok that was my insistence). I suspect Sean may have had something to do with that as I mentioned my concerns that we were all drifting apart. I don’t care how it came to be I look forward to getting together while we still can. The world is experiencing a full on second wave and things are tightening down again. I support this, I just want to see friends while I can. I gave the IT guy, Brett, my laptop to update today so I will be ready to work from home again should it become necessary.

At the end of the day, my other friend Diane messaged to ask if I wanted a lovely tea set. I did want it and more importantly I wanted to see her. She came to the GroundFloor and we had a lovely masked visit. It as been too long. It is hard to stay connected when everything needs to be planned in advance and you need to trust the other’s concept of The Bubble. She is worried about going back to work at BC Assessment and I don’t blame her as it is an open concept office. Not much set up for spacing.

I had fun at the end of the night going through my photo album from just before I left Cranbrook at the end of the 80’s and finding pictures of the guys who were my support and friend posse when I went through my divorce. We all met and hung out at Stringers Racquet Club. I have only the best of memories from that time.

It really is people that get you through the moments, people that share moments and people that leave you with the negative moments. Those guys were the first and my cousins Kelly and Debbi were the second. The third type don’t bare mentioning. Debbi pointed out it has been 8 years since the three of us went to Scarsdale Arizona together. That was one of the best bonding trips I have experienced. me and my two cousins like three sisters on the road.. oh and there was our GPS whom we named as she kept telling us where to go.

The other fun thing I did today was go to the theatre to sell some gear. We have all the old Incandescent theatre lights and I am slowly selling it all off for a good price to people who are working in the arts and need a deal. Any takers??? Lol

Started the day rescuing the blow up decor from the unusually heavy and wet snow. I also needed to knock it off my Maple where I could reach as two years ago a huge branch broke off from a dump of early snow. Shoveled the whole parking area as I don’t like when it freezes in tire ruts and is danger out to walk on. I learned a long time ago to stay ahead of it even with only a small amount so it always gets down to pavement for safety.

Work was very satisfying. My new timer software is working very well. It allowed me to easily jump from file to file as necessary and even take breaks without worrying I would lose time which equals money. I got a lot of big file work done. Found out my garbage man who saved me from the Lion client had another girl. Nice to see their lovely family growing. I started decorating bit by bit at the office. I don’t have lots of room so have to figure out what goes up and what doesn’t. I am working us gently into the season. I talked to Sean to see if there was an option for me to move into the new section of the building with CFEK. I then spoke to Chance about putting a pin into the idea of moving into the station until after the dust settles on his purchase of the business and until the new roof is put on the building. I think it will be too loud to work there while it is being done. I will let Valerie know and ask for us to have first option should someone else be interested as we do really like the space.

I forgot to mention that I had a talk with Lukas over scrambled eggs yesterday morning and he clarified that he could see she was trying to use makeup to hide her age. It had nothing to do with what she was wearing but more that she looked like she was trying to hide something. We had a good talk about image.

After work I picked up Rae-Anne and we had a great date night. Like, really, it may have been the most relaxed fun night out on the town in as long as I can remember. We started at Boston Pizza for a great meal and ridiculously good Peach Long Island Fishbowl. A best friend from the ‘80s in Cranbrook was there with his wife and we got into a crazy conversation about Covid. Tony is a good guy but he has always been a little bit stereotypically Cranbrook. Back in the day when I started my Mechanics Apprenticeship he commented that he was happy for me but he wouldn’t let a woman work on his car! And now I guessed correctly that he is an anti-masker. We let him talk about all the people he knows that were exposed and didn’t get it but he didn’t want to hear about the people I know personally that have it. It was very amiable though. I didn’t get close with him and wore my mask in the restaurant except when we were at our table eating.

After BP we walked across the parking lot to Shopper’s and checked out the deals.

I needed cords and multi plugs for the rest of my decorations so we headed to Home Depot before it closed. From there we had to check out Walmart and the Superstore. I picked up Corn Syrup for baking as I heard there will be a shortage.. good grief what next?

Honestly, we had so much fun and I picked up some Christmas presents for two of the boys which I paid for with PC points and 2.57! Gosh we giggled, it was just so easy. On the way home we stopped at the liquor store and bought a box of wine each and Rae got Roger a beer Advent calendar to complete our Big Box night. She gave me my advent gift calendar as well. It is going to be hard to wait!

I got home and hung my wreath on the door

I reached for a Kleenex and heard a rattle in the box. I moved the tissues into an empty box I kept that my grandson had given me last year to find an earring I had lost three years ago. I had gone to a costume fitting at the Stage Door and when I got out of my truck realized an earring was missing. I had only gotten them a few weeks before and it was a splurge at the time. I was so disappointed. I tore apart my truck and then went back to the theatre and retraced my steps but no luck. I hung the single on the flamingo light I have in my bathroom and there it stayed. Two years or so ago I traded in my truck and brought in all the stuff that was in it. I admit I haven’t gone through it all but I grabbed the box of Kleenex out of the bag a while back. Seems my seat belt probably hooked it off and it landed in the box!! I am soooooo happy to have it back. Another Box!!

All in all a very grand day full of fun boxes!!

I wonder if everyone in the States isn’t in mourning by now. Surely with the death rate from Covid-19 and everything else everyone must know someone who has died. 245789 have died in the US as of today compared to 11027 in Canada. Population comparison is 328 million to 37 million so the numbers are still very skewed towards horror in the States. The numbers in our province are going up in a very disturbing way but no absolutes as far as lockdown yet. I am getting worried that Jake and Mom won’t be able to come up for Christmas. Jake and I considered the possibility of driving up with his Granny and flying home. At least he would be safe to be around when he gets here.

Chance, Viola and I met Valerie at the Elko Station this afternoon to see if it would be a good fit for our office. I think it would be. As expected the parking seemed to be an issue but I don’t think it is something we couldn’t overcome. I would love to make it work but don’t want to pressure him into anything he isn’t ready for. Taking over a company on his own was already a big commitment. I would like to move in for January 1st as Val said we could move in between Christmas and New Years and go from there. Chance came back later in the evening after talking to his parents and had some good questions. We will have to make a decision by the end of the month in order to give notice where we are. I feel I have everything I need to set up and get rolling and the rest can follow.

Elko Station, the last of its kind

Oh I am tired. Was woken up by a text at 6:15 because I forgot to turn my phone to silent. Yet, that was good because Danika introduced me to my new best work tool, an app called Timeular for tracking my billable time! So far so great!

I started my day making a coffee, grabbing some mandarin oranges and climbing back in to bed to watch the last couple episodes of the Mandalorian and a few episodes of the documentary about the directors etc. Had to make myself stop so I could get out in the sun and get things done. I had asked Rae if one of the older boys would like to to come help me put up Christmas Decorations and stay overnight but Gene had homework and she thought Lukas wouldn’t really enjoy that. I decided I had best finish off my fence to at least close the gaps to keep out the deer. My yard is covered in poop and I want to keep them out of my garden and not have them get tangled in my decor. The only real problem was that each of the front corners was dripping as the sun was melting all the snow off my metal roof.

I was nearly done the one side when Ashlée and Obi arrived to drop off Lukas. That was a lovely surprise. He helped me finish the rest which made it go much faster as he was the tool holder and hander.

The other thing Ashlée was here to do was to sign The 46 Willys back over to me. I had inherited it from my Dad when he died in 2004 and then when I left Salt Spring to live in Vancouver in 2010 I gifted it to Ash and we put it on a trailer that her Dad towed to Cranbrook. It is strong arm steering, strong leg brakes and easy to steal so this was the place for it. For the last year it has been in my yard and I will admit it has been hard not to have it be mine so I could get what it needs done and have it on the road. I brought the subject up recently and was stunned when she arrived with transfer and gift paperwork to complete. She even offered to pay the storage insurance. I am so happy. I wanted to keep hugging her over and over. Short of my selling it, it will be hers again some day anyway.

had a good talk with the Neighbour across the street who’s stepfather ended up being the new President and was happy to fill her in on the rest of the story. She said the other two don’t think unkindly of me and it was time someone told it like it is. That was reassuring that I had made the right choices. She also told me she got a new furnace and there were $1600 of rebates right now if you replace a working old one. I am going to call tomorrow as mine is the original 1980 one I am pretty sure. I want to be sure there is room for a new one. If I have to take any of the bathroom space I need to know before I renovate.

The rest of the afternoon we brought out all the inflatables and set them up as well as decorated the front for now. Seems I do need more multi plugs or a good outdoor power bar. Still have more to do but no power. I put up the multi-lights on the one tree for now as they are end to end. The other one will be done soon.

We came in to the delicious smell of the lasagna I had put in the oven. It was outrageously good for a free boxed PC one that came with my groceries last time. The top four ingredients are cheese I think so it is definitely not Weight Watchers friendly but we sure enjoyed it. We watched Space Jam while we ate. I have always loved the soundtrack but completely don’t remember watching the movie in the first place. I can’t imagine how that pitch session went nor how much they must have had to pay all those basketball stars. It truly was odd as hell but I loved it. Part way through we paused it to get in jammies and Lukas helped me change my bed including the cover on my weighted blanket. I really love the winter cover and I think Chewie does as well. Lukas picked the sheets to go with it.

After the movie there was time for an episode of I Can See Your Voice. We like watching The Masked Singer together as well. Lukas is extraordinarily observant but I was stunned when he said “the lady in the silver dress should not try to look young anymore. It would look nicer if she dressed more like her age”. I will revisit that conversation. I want to know more about what made him say that and also reinforce that people can wear whatever they want but I didn’t want to get so deep right before bed. It was pretty interesting coming from a 10 year old though. I set up the machine from the play for him to have the aurora over his bed and he took next to no time to fall asleep.

All in all a lovely, very productive day. I am trying to find a healthy balance to get all the lists crossed off. I speak to the Internist next Monday and I want to be available to get the surgery without worry that there are too many things undone.