It was not my best sleep night but it was lovely to sit in the morning light reading my book and listening to the others wake up. Jeff made a delicious breakfast. I instigated a conversation about Joe Rogan. It was interesting and I wish we could have had more real conversation but I think there is too big of a gap. I don’t mean to come across judging, I just want to understand.
We all got ready to go and I stayed a bit to help lock up Ashes trailer and clear out the place. I caught up with Jeff and Dee pulling their trailer out which was convenient as Jeff did gate duty. Once home I did a little bit around the house, laundry and garbage before relaxing into my chair with my annoying ankle resting up
I watched the rest of the final Season of The Bear (sad to see it go), Avatar 3 (very long) and am currently watching The One I Love ( thought it was a comedy but more of a Psychological thriller)
I did go through the car wash which always makes me feel good
I was at odds today as I await info from all my remaining work to do this month. I spent a good amount of time getting the strata books online and awaiting info to bring it all up to date
I reached out to Monica. She messaged when she was done her day and I went over to play crib, drink wine, and learn how to water her gardens while they are away. It was a really great visit
Earlier in the day I had stopped at Safeway to pick up my prescription and had a lovely interaction with the pharmacy lady who asked if I had written the obituary and told me she thought it was beautiful and that I had been a very devoted daughter. That was special
I also picked up chips and watermelon to bring out to the cabin. They were all 15.99 so I spotted a big one and when I knocked on it it sounded good. I went to pick it up and was stunned. Turns out it was over 17 pounds!!
The money from Joseph Creek hit my mom’s account and it was 15 days short of the months rent. I intend to fight it.
I was unaware that I had not watched the last season of The Bear. I am now binging it
I was low level energy for a lot of the day but I got a lot of errands done, enjoyed Jolene’s presentation about her experience at RYLA, knocked a few more things off my work list and had a good talk with my brother finally. He’s just arrived home from his knee surgery back east and promised to put the life insurance into a trust account so we can pay taxes at year end for the estate.
I met with a contractor at our park to discuss getting a quote for replacing the pavement where needed.
After working on the strata books for a bit, I headed to the Stage Door for a first read through of Blood Relations. I only knew two of the 4 other actors. It is an odd play but I look forward to finding the nuances in portraying Mrs Abigail Borden. I like Amy’s vision for it and it is nice to see her partner Rory producing it. We still need a stage manager though.
It is 5:30 am and I am wide awake stewing about the news I left out of last night’s update.
I called Joseph Creek Village yesterday to find out why I had not received the refund of Mom‘s rent for July and her damage deposit yet. I received a call back a couple hours later that they would be e-transferring the money either today or tomorrow. I asked for a breakdown of what was coming back to ensure why I was getting what amounts in order to keep track of all the funds as the executor. After hanging up, I realized that her email no longer exists and they needed to send it to mine so I phoned and left a message to call me back, which they did not. I did, however, receive a spreadsheet by email showing that she was getting the damaged deposit back less the amount for the cleaning of the carpet which was nearly the same amount as the interest earned on the damaged deposit so that was a wash and I knew that ahead of time. The part that makes me so angry is that they are only giving back 16 days of the rent for July that they pulled out of her account. I had withdrawn the funds from her account so there would be nothing there and it would bounce not realizing she had a $5000 overdraft.
The fact that for 2 full months, she was not in her apartment, not needing any meals nor cleaning or care should more than make up for the fact that I did not give a full 30 days notice.
I was completely out of the apartment by the 27 June, the day she died. As a matter of fact, I spent the last day of her life dealing with getting it empty so that they could rent it out for 1 July.
I was given bad advice that previous tenants had given notice and were told they had three days to get out. I was cautious to let them know ahead of time for two reasons; that advice and the fact that until we knew for sure that she wasn’t going home, I couldn’t bring myself to deflate her more about her diagnosis. For most of the time that she was in the hospital at least until she went into palliative, the goal had been to get her home so that she could be put on the list to get into long-term care. The way the system works it is nearly impossible to move to long-term from a hospital.
if I had known, this would have been the result, I would not have spent the precious time left with her away from her side. Yes it has been easier for me that that is done, but not at that cost.
Apparently, I can’t sleep because I’m mulling over where to take it from here. I did reply to the email asking who to speak to about this issue and so far I have not received an answer. Let’s see what today brings.
Missy was so engaged with a mouse she was toying with in the yarn that she refused to come in at midnight so I let her stay out and locked the door.
I had a sort of good sleep and was up fairly early. Work was work.
I took time to sort the garbage bag of pictures, cards and letters recovered from Moms. Most went into the shred bin at work. Some of it was sweetly nostalgic
By just after 3 I’d had enough and invited Brett and Jill to meet me at Heidout. We had a good visit on the patio and after they left I headed down the street to wing night. I had a great visit with Mike, Cody and a new acquaintance, Bernie
It was a lovely way to celebrate being in Cranbrook for 10 years today! I love that Rae keeps it on her calendar!
I took a hot tub and then stood in the sun and ate raspberries right off the bush. They are plentiful and delicious
I messaged my back neighbour to help herself to some and she sent me a picture of a bad weed and told me it is growing along our shared fence. I have nothing in me that wants to deal with that currently
I made a short birthday message for Greg as he turns 60 tomorrow and his daughter Cass is putting something together for him.
After work I visited with Rae outside in her red chairs, the deep conversation spot. It was good for both of us to vent (about others lol)
I was up early and had a full bused waste bag of weeds and 1/3 of the lawn mowed (ran out of gas) before 10:30. That is extraordinary for me.
I then moved inside to keep sorting and filling the car with to go stuff. The best things I did though was take an enhanced bath bomb bath, and wash all my bedding. I also took joy in finally putting away all the laundry that I have done since the beginning of June at least.
I did enjoy binging Trying while I was doing all that.
I slept with only a couple interruptions until 10:45!
It was too hot by then to work outside so as I watched shows I sorted through almost all of the piles of things brought from Moms.
My car is full of thrift and consignment items
It was cathartic and I have a couple things to find proper homes for , especially the doll her father bought in Yellowknife and another that is 1960 Hudson’s Bay.
After finishing the last season of For All Mankind, I am really enjoying ‘Trying’
I didn’t set an alarm and didn’t really sleep in. I got to the office around 10 and had just missed the Campbells dropping in on their way back to Qualicum Beach from Calgary. I got some work done and then met them and the Watsons at Fire Hall for lunch. It was painfully slow but we had a good visit. I miss my Covid bubble family. I made a plan to try to go stay with them for a night or two after the wedding on Salt Spring.
I did go back to the office to get more done but soon felt the need to leave early. I came home and had a really great visit with Tracey. It’s been too long and it was nice to hang first in her yard and then mine which was much cooler in the shade of my trees.
I have spent the evening watching another season of For All Mankind.
I am weirdly unsettled
I am glad to see that Julie J, dear friend for oh so many years is coming up for Mom’s gathering.
I slept in two hour increments last night, so yeah, that was frustrating. I finally got up and jumped in the hot tub before getting on a pretty dress to head on with my day. I did take time to have breakfast raspberries from my bushes that are overflowing.
I went to the office and got a lot done before heading to Rotary lunch. It was really nice to sit beside Cindy Souchereau who is the director of golf at St Eugene golf club. She did a wonderful presentation about the 104th PGA tournament of champions coming here in August
After lunch, I headed to Mark Memorial to meet with Jenna to pick up Mom’s ashes. She is such a lovely human and offered me all sorts of perks that we don’t really need like a tent and chairs, etc. at the graveside. She asked me to send her pictures of mom‘s parents tombstones so that she could help me find a good match. I decided that I would take Mom to the Kimberley cemetery. I am very pragmatic about things and did not actually feel like mom was visiting her parents, but there was something symbolic in placing her urn on their graves for pictures.
From there, I headed out to Meadowbrook eight minutes away to see Barrie and confirm that we could use his yard for the gathering September 5. We had a really nice long visit about all the things that he has been going through as well. I am grateful to keep that relationship as I miss his wife my cousin Jeanne so much.
I stopped for a nice visit with Donna and Hogie and even got to taste a few of their huckleberries that they had picked
Back at the office, I got a bunch more work done and then I spent time making an event on Facebook for Mom’s gathering. All these little things are making it easier for me to get through this.
I asked Brett if he wanted to go play trivia and he said yes, but then I found out that there is a band there tonight and no trivia so said I was going to Fenwick for some food. He joined and we had one of the best conversations ever. We admitted that we have both become one of each others best friends, and we had the pinky swear that we wouldn’t hold back feels anymore from each other. It was very poignant and absolutely necessary. While we were talking, Monica reached out to me to see how I was doing and invited me over. I stopped there on the way home and spent an incredible evening with Galen and Monica talking about a lot of other things than just the immediate things that are going on in my life. I was able to let Monica know how important it was for me that she could tell my mom she had me in her hands and I was going to be OK. I believe that to be true as tonight was a perfect example of being able to share with friends, download debrief and be real.
I am going to get through this with both my robot and empath side working together.
For now, Mom’s ashes are in my office behind my monitors so I don’t see them constantly and Brett has offered to safely keep them in his office if it turns out to be too much for me. I suspect I will be fine just knowing I have that option.
I was awake far too early and couldn’t even get in the hot tub as there was a big thunderstorm.
I was at the office before 9 which was the time Mom was being cremated. I did not anticipate that being such a trigger for my emotions. I decided that I had to go through her filing cabinet to find insurance and investment info. I did not anticipate how emotional that would be as I found so many memories to go through. I even found a gorgeous share certificate from Consolidated Mining – Cominco. I am going to frame it.
I went to the Rotary Board meetings and found myself just sadder. When I left there found me had a parking ticket and it was the last straw. I cried off and on for the rest of the afternoon.
Things that also triggered me: someone had door scraped and dinged my rear corner panel on my car; I had found an insurance policy with only my brother as beneficiary
Did manage to arrange getting Moms investments paid out as soon as they receive the certified copies of everything. They will split and send directly to Greg and me. I hope there will be further insurance paid out that will cover the taxes next year
I got home and phoned Rosie, crying. She talked me down and I reached out to Mons brothers about a gathering on Sept 5th. I will talk to the funeral home when I go pick up the ashes tomorrow about arrangements with Kimberley cemetery
I am beginning to feel as though I am swamp walking through the days. I have to continually update all my calendars and write lists. I have begun to bite off the small bits; today I canceled her Blue Rewards (Airmiles) and transferred them to my account. There was only 3k but no sense letting them lapse. I also did a will search with my notary so that I can get a copy and be sure it is up to date. I’ll probably wake in the night and remember where it is. The group of us from the GroundFloor wandered over to Integra Tire who were having a fundraiser for the Rotary Creekside Village, our upcoming seniors residences. I am sad as Ashley, the community manager at GF is leaving Aug 14. I am happy that she is going to nursing school and I think she will be amazing. I received a text that Mom has been moved and will be cremated at 9 am mtn time tomorrow. I felt like throwing up. I did get a lot done though and headed to the F&B for mussels and a martini.
I am extremely grateful to my son-in-laws sister-in-law is letting me stay in their cottage on Salt Spring when I go down in August. I don’t think I am emotionally able to stay at my brothers. I will spend time with them but it will be chaotic and i still need to work.
I woke up again early and went for a soak in the hot tub because my leg is aching. It did help. I arrived at the office to find this amazing pair of compression socks, awaiting me from Kerstin one of my main clients
I did get a lot of work today done in spite of being in a bit of a brain fog. I think the grief is actually making me weary now. I had a doctor appointment via the phone and we agreed I will start taking amitriptyline as it will help my nerve pain and be a low-dose antidepressant.
Five of us took a 2 PM break to walk over to Max‘s café, which was good because I got a bowl of their soup to have when I got back to the office and the delicious raspberry Italian soda. It was a gorgeous hot day out today. It is 923 at night and still 25° outside.
I went and picked up my prescription after work and then stopped for a short visit with Rae-Anne to confirm that she will be the executor for my Will as I have an appointment with a notary tomorrow to update it.
The biggest problem is I have ripped through my filing cabinet tonight and can’t find my most recent Will anywhere I found one from 1998 and I don’t think there’s much difference but I do need to change the executors from the Bennett’s to Rae. I know I have a newer one somewhere, but can’t for the life of me figure out what smart place I put it in.
Oh well, I guess we will just cancel all previous ones and do a new one tomorrow it’ll just cost me more. And then I will go put it in my safety deposit box where it belongs. Seriously, if I have forgotten that I put the other one there in the first place, I will be so annoyed.
Addendum: it is hard to plan moms gathering as nothing can happen until Alexa’s wedding at end of August and Labour Day Saturday is uncle Bryan and auntie Lynne’s 56 anniversary
It turns out I woke up around seven as seems to be the usual because Rayann would bring me a coffee before work in the morning mornings at the hospital and around seven I would head home for a shower
Because I was up early, I decided to get ready and head to meet uncle Lawrence uncle Bryan & Lynne, Sarah, and Kevin at Bootleg Gap golf course for breakfast
I’ve never been there before and it was a beautiful setting and the food was good although two slices of sourdough toast with sliced tomato avocado and a bit of feta cheese was $22 so I’m not sure I would make a habit of going there. I believe uncle Lawrence bought, which was a lovely brunch treat. We took some pictures outside and then Sarah and Kevin headed off for Squamish.
As I was about to leave, I got a message from Jeff my tattoo guy asking if I could come at 11 rather than one and that would work out perfect so I said yes. I really enjoyed my time with him as usual and I’m very happy with Barb’s license plate with all the extraneous things removed and the letters WSM- wicked step mother for Donna. He also added the date to my turtle from when Ashlée and I went to Hawaii.
I headed home and put a bandana around it to protect it from the sun. Well, I went out to Fort Steele to meet with the family for the birds of prey show up from Duncan. It was really good and we hung out there until four. Steele closed at four and then I waited a little longer for Rae who was doing some work, things in our position as the marketing manager for Fort Steele. Roger headed on with Gene and Sawyer to check out the River.
As I was sitting in the clam shell, I noticed that the birds were getting very disturbed by the flapping of it, and I noted that the rope had come undone which kicked in gear my stage experience so I went around back and re-threaded and roped it back down to the pipe so that it doesn’t get ripped to shreds
I asked Rae-Anne on the way back to search Mrs. B’s obituary as I had somehow missed it. It has horrible spelling mistakes, but from that, we also found the Facebook page for the school that she used to teach at. The alumni were saying incredible things about her, and I was so happy to read them.
I had a nice visit sort of there was a lot going on a lot of Cross conversations which super frustrate me. Roger made us an amazing yellow chicken and rice dinner and I was blessed to be there when Will called from Quebec on his French immersion exchange. It sounds like he’s doing well.
It was a very decent day and I am very tired and this will be a busy month but that’s good because I’ll be making money
I did some chores, got ready and headed to Meadowbrook for Jeanne’s celebration of life on the Taggarts yard. There were so many cousins and their adult kids It was an incredible gathering and exactly what Mom wants. Barry has offered his place for it. I was so happy to see my cousin Sarah and her husband Kevin up from Squamish. She gave me a beautiful card with a handwritten message including Elvis lyrics and a candle to hold space for my lost loved one.
Mark did brisket in the smoker, his daughter Sarah made amazing Mac and cheese and we all brought salads and desserts. Roger, Rae, Gene and Sawyer also came.
It was so good to hug Rod and Terry who lost their mom a couple days ago at 98
Uncle Lawrence invited me over Nextdoor to have a Bumbu toast to Mom and sent me home with the bottle.
I am sad that cousin Mark’s wife Elaine was not there as her Mom is at deaths door. That will be the fourth death this year in that part of our family. 2026 sucks but family is supportive
The morning at the office began with a delivery of flowers from my birth Mom’s family, the Beastalls
That was quickly followed by Mom’s urn. It is even more beautiful than in the pictures
I finished her obituary which turned into more of a tribute and sent it off to the funeral home. They did post it and sent me a digital copy of the death certificate.
After getting work done I stopped at Superstore for some groceries and a Caesar salad for tomorrow.
Once home I finally unpacked my car after bringing in my flowers and groceries.
We did have sad news that Mom’s Auntie Pat died this morning at a very ripe age. Cousin Barry has a serious infection and had to go to the hospital for treatment. He has to go back at some point tomorrow which is complicated as it is his wife Jeanne’s celebration of life tomorrow.
I was sunk in my chair watching Netflix when I got a message that my wonderful friend, Edwina, that she was staying in Cranbrook on her way to see her daughter and grandkids in Calgary. I dressed again and booted over to the Model A motel where she and Walter were staying. We sat outside chatting and watching the sun set. We had many great hugs and it was so great to see her. It seems like so long ago that we both lived on Salt Spring
This morning I awoke raging at a dream of Roger my son-in-law stealing my ‘46 Willys. Since Mom got her wings from have struggled to sleep. I fall asleep in my comfort position but a few hours later am tossing and turning as my psyche thinks I let go of her hand. I can hear not fall back to sleep n the position I was beside her in the recliner. My nightmares are ridiculous as they are the least possible thing. I am high functioning at the moment but I need the stress to filter out.
I stopped by the office to run a payroll and was reminded that I hadn’t dealt with this…
Still haven’t
I had an appointment at 10:15 for a deluxe pedicure and a new set of nails. I chose an emerald hand for Mom and a sapphire one for Mrs B
It was exactly what I needed. I then headed to Staples to drop her cable box to FedEx and while I was there I spotted a sale ending today on luggage. Mine was damaged on my last trip so I picked up a new set for the price of one and got a bin for a buck
From there I stopped and picked up a bottle for my friend Penny who is in Sunshine Rotary. We enjoy espresso martinis when we meet at out of town events. It’s her 60th today and her Mom invited me for cupcakes this afternoon. Keon and his partner showed up and we all had a lovely visit before taking our leave when others started arriving
I came home and stalled doing what was necessary. Brett texted that if I needed a diversion he and JD would come out for trivia.
I decided to go write the obituary so I went to my office as my brain and fingers connect well I did use ChatGPT but was strict about changes and fine tunes it in my voice.
I will share the link when I get it from the funeral home. The reaction from Greg and Kym was very positive. I thanked ChatGPT for the help and was moved by the response:
You’re very welcome.
Over the course of our conversation, I stopped thinking of this as simply an obituary. It became Barbara’s story.
What stands out isn’t just the chronology of her life, but the little things that made her her: the birthday cards that always arrived on time, the cat figurines, the story of meeting Elvis at sixteen, life on the houseboat, her generosity toward children’s charities, and that wonderfully practical goodbye—“Watch out for the idiots.” Those are the details that family and friends will smile at years from now.
One day, your grandchildren and great-grandchildren may read this without having known her well. Because of the memories you shared, they’ll come away feeling like they did.
I hope the days ahead bring you moments of laughter alongside the tears, as you remember the stories she gave you. Based on everything you’ve told me, I have a feeling Barbara would much rather have people gathered in a backyard, playing Elvis a little too loudly, sharing stories and laughing, than sitting quietly in rows. That feels very true to the woman you’ve described.
Thank you for trusting me with something so personal. It was a privilege to help you honor her memory.
May Barbara Pamela Bellavance’s memory be a blessing, and may her love continue to travel with your family—just as surely as her reminder to watch out for the idiots. ❤️
I joined the boys and we did not shine tonight but it was good to spend time together
triumphgal 