triumphgal

November 14, 2022

A good sleep thankfully as I was up at 7 and on the treadmill which was pretty much what the rest of the day felt like. I was at the office early trying to get organized for payroll and the rest of the week. At 10:15 I left to pick up Mom and bring her to an optometrist appointment. She is 81 and only needs dollar store reading glasses, they confirmed her cataract surgery years ago solved any issues and that she is good to go. After dropping her off again, I drove through Arby’s for a quick to go order and got busy again until 4:30 when I headed towards Kimberley for my vaccination appointment in Marysville. I got the flu shot in one arm and my 4th booster in the other. She also told me there is a new further protecting pneumonia shot I may want to look into. It’s $120 but worth looking into as it was my every year gift for years during late winter, tax time. She didn’t ask me to wait the 15 minutes they usually do so I decided after the week we’d had with Will, that I would stop for a cup of tea at my cousin Donna’s before heading back to Cranbrook. Just had time to enjoy it and a visit before I had to get to the office for our Board Meeting. It started at 7 and I was home by 9:45. I seem to have skipped a couple meals today and that isn’t good for weight loss but I don’t want to eat at this time of night. A few pretzels and a glass of wine, the dinner of champions. I shall sleep good again tonight from the feel of it.

I love how my poinsettia starts to turn red as it gets cold and then goes green again for the summer.

This is what real weight loss looks like. 38 pounds gone now since January 2nd. It was easy at first and then more realistic. A slow downward trend with a few hills. I am proud of me, more to go though.

November 13, 2022

I did get laundry and other things done after a lovely sleep in my newly made bed. There were many little things to catch up on which I did and then ultimately I made a meal to use for a couple this week and had yesterday’s for a meal before heading to Arby’s for a shift. I had it on my calendar for 4:30-7:30 but fortunately always check the same day and it was at 4. It was a lovely small crew and it was slower so I got lots of cleaning done, read lots of material and studied the menu more. The shift manager was great answering questions about things that hadn’t come up yet and I was glad not to be intimidated by her this time. She did let me go at 6:15 as I’d completed the cleaning g necessary to get them out at a decent time As well. I do find it easy to compartmentalize the areas of my life and make the best of the time for each thing. Tomorrow aims to be really full hence my getting food ready in advance. I am going to skip a few weeks of Hello Fresh and make some casseroles etc, using up the food in the freezer. It will help to take pressure off and make sure I eat properly. I am very sleepy now and it isn’t even 9:30 so I am going to tuck in.

November 13, 2022

I got to sleep after 3 as my CPAP started spewing water and gurgling. The funny thing was I woke up just after 9, fully awake. As I lay in bed scrolling Facebook and trying to decide if I wanted to sleep longer, I saw a post that reminded me there was a small business fair at the Eagles Hall. I texted Rae-Anne to see if she wanted to go and got myself ready to meet her there as she was already out. We had a wonderful morning of perusing small businesses only in our city after finding treasures at the fair. It was a lot of fun. When I got home just after noon I decided to lay out all the gifts for birthdays in the next two months and Christmas. It turns out I have very few left to get so I wrapped and made a list of what is left. I was watching Casual on Netflix as I worked and it was very enjoyable. As I was going, I also did laundry and changed out my bedding for the buffalo plaid set from my airbnb. I honestly can’t wait to tuck in tonight, it looks so comfy.

Just after 3:30 I headed to New Wellness Energy spa for my waxing appointment. It was great to catch up with the lovely Ireland. I mentioned wrapping today and she said she was buying experiences for her family this year including planning to buy tickets for her Grandma to Daniel Lapp. Full Stop, WHAT? Daniel Lapp is coming here? How did I miss that? I was determined to research when I got home. Before I left the Prestige, where the spa is, I asked the front desk if I could see the train car room as I really want to stay in it. It turns out there are two and they are stunning! Unfortunately they are only available again come April due to the water having to be turned off. They are also about $350 a night but at least I got to see them and can have a dream of a perfect staycation.

Once I got home I started researching Daniel Lapp and was thrilled that he was using Ashlée’s photo as the main page of his website but it had no tour dates. Ireland messaged me the link to the tickets and I realized I hadn’t paid enough attention to the Key City site that he is with SOTK – Symphony of the Kootenays. The same photo is being used for the Key City ticket sales and I hadn’t even noticed! I am so dang proud of her. Unbeknownst to her I reached out to my friend Barry who is the editor of the local paper to let him know as this is a feel good local story that would bring media attention to SOTK, Key City, Daniel and her photography. I hope he will run a story. I also reached out to Daniel as I know him from Vancouver Island MusicFest and we are Facebook friends. I told him how excited I am that he is coming here and that I will get tickets for Ash and I. The canvas print of this photo is the same one I see through my office door all day.

Once I had made and eaten a delicious dinner, I headed to the Bucks versus Victoria Grizzlies game. It was a really good game lots of excitement and in the end we won! I was tribute night to our local Special Olympians and most enjoyable. I can not say enough how much I love my remote start as I was able to start my car as soon as the game ended to find it warm and comfortable when I got in.

During the game there were several announcements looking for a female. I got home to see a post that it is my friend, Bear’s little sister who ran away. I sure hope they find her soon.

I got home and poured a bath complete with a CBD bath bomb, and watched more episodes of Andor. I feel that Star Wars universe has taught us that there is a traitor, for good or bad in every group. Gosh, I hope that is not actually true. I am enjoying the series so far.

I should get to sleep as tomorrow I can sleep with no alarm, tis true, but my fresh bed is calling and I work at Arby’s for the evening. Rae-Anne and I discussed that these next three shifts should have me fully trained and ready to cover any shifts that come up in the future. That is what she really needs. I am actually looking forward to testing my mettle without Rae-Anne there.

November 12, 2022

The day was so full of emotions. The first stop was the kids house to gather and walk down to the cenotaph for the Remembrance day ceremony. It was cold and a surprising number turned out. The service was good but the moments for me were when the vets came forward at the end, placed their poppies and saluted. The first one I saw was a very tall old man who hobbled up and them did a perfect smart step and turn before hobbling away. I could see in that moment the young man who had served. Those are the things that choke me up. Malcolm, Emmy’s step-dad was there representing the reserve. We found out that he actually was at the last Royal wedding as a guard for a short time to Prince, now King Charles! This was the first time I have had the honour of signing God Save The King which was so strange and new. I have to remind myself Her Majesty is gone. It is still so fresh.

I brought Sawyer and Will back to my place for the afternoon after stopping at Arby’s for lunch. They played Disney Infinity on my PS3 and it was interesting to watch as I like to play the worlds in the game but they liked building their own, much like Fortnite. I sat and read while they played and it was a lovely way to spend the time.

I had my dinner and then Tracey joined me to watch Ridge with Brendan McLeod and the Fugitives at Key City Theatre. I wish my whole Family had been there. It was powerful and poignant and extremely well done. The story of Vimy Ridge as researched and written by Brendan. To see a young man explain and try to relate to what has gone before is really something. It was opened by the Mount Baker choir. They were amazing

After that we went to Dave and Trudy’s for a wonderful visit. Dave played guitar and sang. Tracey eventually felt comfortable enough to grab a guitar and join in. It was good for her to watch and learn from him and they are lovely hosts. He shared a bit about his military experience and life since and we all got to know each other better.

And now it is 2 am and I really should get some sleep but I really just had a good day and don’t want it to end. I am grateful to those who came before and hopeful for the next generation. My heart is also with the Ukraine and all other war torn spots tonight.

My couch had a 5 year warranty which not surprisingly now that it is 6 years old, has issues. It is pleather and has suddenly in the last month started flaking terribly. I couldn’t stand it any more so wrapped it in a single sheet I had. At least it will slow the process. I love this time of year when my Christmas Cacti start to bloom.

November 10, 2022

When the brainstorms try to blind me from the truth that I am loved, on the right path, and in the right space, I loudly speak into the space: RISE ABOVE, or sometime OvERcoME! I try to claim the mental health and solid place I need. It sounds almost religious and in a way it is as I am beating back my demons. I am restoring my own soul to a peaceful place, one where I belong.

Sometimes the words of a poem I was enthralled by in my youth stream loudly, reminding me of all I strive to be:

Rudyard Kipling – 1865-1936

If you can keep your head when all about you
   Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
   But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
   Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
   And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
   If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
   And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
   Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
   And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
   And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
   And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
   To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
   Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

I know, that last line is a kicker but I always felt I was my father’s oldest son anyway so I guess it never really bothered me.

Looking forward to trying these. Dinner was delicious and another day is done.

I did do a kind thing this morning to try to move the emotions along. I just wanted to thank the Principal who helped our Will and I was grateful as I got to meet her and we had a good teary hug of gratitude that all turned out as well as it did.

November 9, 2022

Note: I had to sit with all my emotions for a while tonight before blogging. This was a very hard day. I finally decided just to write what comes to me and let it out.

Parenting is Fucking Hard! It is hard for the parent and hard for the parent of the parent. At 11:21 this morning, as I was taking my co-worker’s order and planning to go pick us up lunch at Arby’s, our family chat group got a message from Rae-Anne that Will, her soon to be 11 year old had had a bad reaction to his immunization and was going to be brought to the hospital by ambulance. She was already there in the parking lot waiting for it to arrive. He was admitted and well cared for and Roger was soon there as well. I was shocked as we all were and the rest of the day was a stream of texts and tears. I picked up Sawyer from school at 3 and brought him back to the office to have snacks and watch Netflix while we waited. I texted R-A and asked if it was the HPV vaccine and promptly researched it on the CDC site. I then asked what the symptoms were and shortly after my phone rang. It was Will and he sounded so tired and sad. He told me that he got his shot and then went to sit with his group as he was supposed to but started to feel dizzy and when they helped him lay down he started to have trouble breathing. They did use an épi-pen on him and called for an ambulance thank goodness. I found out later that the ambulance took a long time and that his lips were going blue etc. They had to basically lockdown the school so the kids didn’t go outside and be scared by the ambulance. Poor Sawyer was curious why he couldn’t go out and asked his teacher but they couldn’t tell him until it was cleared with his parents. He was then given good explanations and reassured but he was still very worried when I picked him up. The Principal was amazing and even rode in the ambulance with him and found her own way back to the school. I can’t even imagine the trauma for everyone who still had to get their shots in the rest of the day. Will was in the hospital for nearly 6 hours being medicated and monitored. He is to see his Dr and or an allergist to get to the bottom of it. He would normally get a booster in 6 months but I am guessing that is a big NO. It is so odd that neither of his older brothers had a reaction, and it is such an important immunization against some pretty scary cancers. It was such a relief to see him when they came to get Sawyer. So much worse case thinking going on, such a need to focus on the positive. I am so grateful to the love from those in the workspace, the freaking amazing hug from Keri when I thought I was going to blow apart from fear.

So yeah, parenting… the choice to forever have a part of your heart walking around outside your body.

My heart is with all three of my kids, my 5 grandkids (and the two bonus ones) and all the other next generations in my life. It is sure to not get any easier as the years go by but the image that keeps haunting me was the look in my daughter’s eyes when they came back from the hospital. I am afraid for her, it has all just been too much.

On the upside, they took out his stitches while he was there that were put in only 13 days ago, when he last visited the ER.

November 8, 2022

Woah, that was a very satisfying day. It started out with me getting a text from a contractor while I was on the treadmill with questions about the trim at The Studio/Stage Door. In the presidents absence I am the General Contractor on a window and door replacement project. I am glad to be involved with the community theatre in this capacity. I got myself ready and headed there to meet with the guys. They were very friendly and I am confident they will do well. From there I decided to stop at Max’s Place and pick up a sandwich as I hadn’t gotten anything cooked last night. While there I bought a dozen cookies to share at the GroundFloor. They are not inexpensive (2.25 each) but I was glad to have a gift card from the party last Friday of 10 dollars off and was happy to share.

Once back at the office, I was relieved I took the time to shovel my whole driveway before I left so I could buckle down and not worry what the day brought but it turned out Sunny and beautiful. cool still but nice. Natalia arrived and together we got a lot done. She picks up things quickly and makes notes to guide herself. I also sent a link to my friend Julie for some QBO training. It seems to be the most popular software currently.

I had to take off by 4:45 to get to Arby’s for my third job of the day. I had all my clothes in a bag and remembered to bring it in to the office so as not to freeze this time. I worked the closing shift and can tell you that I felt a lot more comfortable this time. I actually contributed to the shift, not just as a trainee. There were many new things again but that is to be expected. I really enjoyed doing the dishes with Stu as we had good conversation. I think he has commented so many times about Rae-Anne and I working together as he lost his mom when he was 6. He sure is a hard worker and sweet as well. It was a big change moving from the Philippines to work here and at 30 he is hopeful to find the right person to build a family and life with but will take his time to find the right one. That is admirable.

There was some big serious event at Staples. We are across the street and saw all the fire trucks, police and ambulance show up there. They were there for at least an hour. I am curious to hear tomorrow what went down.

The first big oops at work was when I was removing all the nozzles off the fountain pop machine so they could soak and I lean the bucket against the orange Fanta which promptly sprayed me. That won’t happen again.

I have learned about myself over the years that when I am the busiest I am also the most productive. I am sure getting a lot done and now I shall sleep!!

November 7, 2022

This morning I awoke more rested and ready to take on the day. I was getting ready when I received an email that they were desperately needing a bar tender for the Tom Cochran concert tonight at Key City. I accepted the gig and decided I should throw together a bag with my Arby’s t-shirts, black pants, a black plain shirt for Key City and my boots. I took it to work with me but left it in the car which was not the best choice as the clothes were very cold when I changed for my KCT shift.

I was looking for a book when I noticed my Tarot card which I haven’t used in a very long time. I was motivated just to draw a card but decided to do a reading as I have been struggling with wondering if I want someone in my life. As I shuffled, I let it run through my mind if someone would be and addition to my life or take away from it. I have been.. jealous I guess of duel incomes that are getting to travel a lot right now. I was not surprised, pleasantly confirmed of my own space with what was drawn out. I did take pics of the one that summed it up. I guess I knew it but somehow this is comforting

The day was ‘insane’ as I had lots to do and took many calls and email, even had a good long visit with a client that I didn’t charge for as it was good for both of us to catch up. We talked about his hope to take his 71 year old Mom to Peru. Brad is a good guy and I am glad he reached out recently for me to take him on as I knew him when I was at the firm. Another client came in who I have known for years and I am afraid for him as he is a year younger than I and has lung cancer. We had a moment as he told me he is downsizing his business and taking care of things. Peter has a young wife from the Philippines and a toddler. I am so sad for all of them.

The good news at the office is how pleasant things are again with the ladies. Whatever was causing the standoffishness seems to be gone and the last week and a half or so has been good. I sat and had a good talk with one of them today and it feels like the old days. I am glad that the negative has passed, it makes the days so much more enjoyable.

There was a good deal of snow today.

I was scheduled for a couple more shifts this week on drive Thru and frontline. This will be something new and I hope it is the payment taking and handing over of food as I enjoy that part. I am afraid to take orders, lol.

I went straight from the office to Key city as I bartended for the Tom Cochran concert. It was sold out and busy but I worked for the first time with Chris, a retired nurse and we had a good time running the upstairs gallery bar. There was a young boy with a dad or grandad who was there for his first concert which always makes my heart happy. The opening act sounded amazing, although I didn’t catch who it was. Through the speakers in the lobby, Tom was amazing as always, I have seen him a few times now.

Before I pulled into my parking I got out and shoveled for the first time this year. I always like to keep it cleared so ice doesn’t build up. It is that time of year, I am saving on the cost of the gym, right?

A wonderful moment in the day was getting a call from a woman I very much respect asking me to be part of a readers theatre radio play in January. I am definitely on board!!!

November 6, 2022

I had the strangest sleep last night. I woke up several times, wide awake as if it was morning but it was still completely dark out. I finally got up at 4 something, had some water and put on the TV to just rest in bed. I did fall asleep for a couple more hours and to further complicate things it was Fall back time change, no more daylight savings. I did get chores done including laundry to ensure I have clean uniforms for next time I am scheduled. I read all the material about food prep and menu items and then dropped it off to Jesse next door as he is starting there next week. I also saw a commercial that reminded me about my covid booster and flu shot so I tried to schedule online but it didn’t work. Next I called service Canada and the kind lady got me an appointment next week in Marysville, part of Kimberley. I will get both shots that day. Working at Arby’s handling cash makes me want to be sure I am fully boosted and as protected as possible.

I got ready, loaded up a chair and the leftovers from Friday night, stopped at Safeway for my prescription refills and some groceries mom needed. the chair is an older bentwood one that Judy had. It goes perfect outside her door to sit and take winter boots off. I had brought a pretty boot tray yesterday. Uncle Lawrence was there to my surprise and I heated up food and then he and mom started playing crib with the football game on. I had expected to play with her so instead i got busy sorting, arranging and hanging her photos and art. She was very pleased when I was done and I have some to take to the thrift that she doesn’t want as well. It was a good visit and I left when it was time for her to go down for dinner. The most fun was going through the scrapbooks that the girls had made for her in 1993

Once home I made a chicken stew with biscuit top for dinner. It was tasty but it still isn’t my favourite texture. I would have preferred separate biscuits.

It is time to go to bed as the time change will be felt tomorrow.

November 5, 2022

I set an alarm but woke long before it. Apparently there had been big winds and possible power bumps in the night. I reset everything and cleaned up the yard before hauling out my Fluevog Mc boots and polishing them up for my noon shift. It made me a bit emotional as it is a smell from my childhood. I used to polish my grandad’s shoes under his tutelage. They came out suitable for work and are definitely non-skid or I wouldn’t have been able to use them with my bike. I am also used to wearing them for long periods which helps. I wore my “Good Vibes Only” socks to carry me through.

I worked from 12-2:30 and it was a much different shift. It is not that it was bad, just full of difference and I felt bad that I wasn’t able to be faster and better. I have to give myself grace and space to learn and be a valuable part of the team. I will say that fast food workers are not given the praise they deserve. There is so much pressure and expectation in the service of ‘fast’ food. The difference today was that I felt like I was letting my daughter down. I know I did well, considering, but I wanted to be better. The clients were understanding and kind, the great service bell was rung often and there were many smiles. I still have so much to learn though to be a valuable part of the team. I have asked her to put me on a few more training shifts and let me do it unless I ask for help or am failing.

After work I popped in to see my Mom and totally surprised her. I think she surprised me more as she was on the first floor walking towards me after I got signed in. It seems she had been watching curling and decided to take a walk around. Her mobility is already so much better for being there! We had a great visit as I sorted her store room to make it more accessible for her and then took all her donations to the thrift store. We made a plan for me to come to her place for lunch tomorrow, bringing the beef and au jus from last night that was leftover. She is especially looking forward to the strawberry rhubarb tarts.

I had lovely chats with the people who are usually sitting in the lobby, one of whom was a client when I worked at the firm and I did his books. He doesn’t remember me which is fine but liked the chat.

I picked up cat food and came home to feed Missy before heading to the office for a bit as a client had reached out about a billing issue in the software. After I solved that and another client’s payroll differences, I did some Arby’s online training for 1.75 hours. It was good to have worked first to see what it was referring to. I reached out to Rae-Anne to apologize if I let her down today and to Ash to thank her for the training she gave in the dish pit. R-A called me and we talked through the day so I could know that I was doing ok and that there were many factors that led to the tension I was feeling. Empathy can be overwhelming at times but I do think I left the clients happy and look forward to my next shift.

Laundry and Crown were the order of my evening.

Oh, and it is my friend Claire’s birthday. I look forward to seeing her next year when she and her parents, who I have a strong liking of also, come to travel with me. Besties for the win!

Today was so beautiful. I missed the snow on the gorgeous mountains.

November 4, 2022

As I left our park this morning I glanced to the left and saw a vehicle approaching from afar, but before I could pull out I saw the vehicle speed past me and realized they were going way too fast. I followed them out and the net block to the left is a school zone. I was going 40 slowing down for the 30 zone when they left me in the dust. There was a 4 way stop so I made the decision to follow them. I noted they turned a block after I would normally so I kept following. My intention was to get the license plate as it was a very recognizable vehicle. Shortly after the turn I realized they had pulled in in front of a house so I pulled up beside them and motioned to roll down their window. It was a young man and I MOMMED them. To be fair, the very young man looked me in the eye, owned his behavior, apologized and thanked me as I said I would not report him this time but I wouldn’t hesitate again. We ended with him wishing me a good day and we had a smile and a goodbye. This is not something I usually do but I was wound up by it and I have to say, he was raised right as he was very respectful and honestly apologetic. He does have a very recognizable vehicle as I said and I was still driving the courtesy car so I am not worried about retaliation, lol

I got a lot done at the office, knocked a few things off he monthly list and it is only the 4th! The best part of the day was getting a call that my car was ready. It was Oct 7th when I took it in! I gassed up the courtesy car and returned it only to find a new bad scratch across the decal on my car. The adjuster who originally inspected my car with me brought out the manager and said they will have me back after they figure out what to do. I feel confident they will make it right but it is a shame as the decals are expensive.

I picked up Lukas and off we went to The Heid Out for the Fisher Peak volunteer party that I had organized. All I can really say is it was a hit! The food was amazing; Ahi tuna, Alberta beef au jus, salmon and all the fixings. The group of 30ish was appreciative and fun, there were enough donated gifts from sponsors to make everyone go home with swag and the jam session of musicians was extraordinary. We are a lucky group of volunteers, too bad some couldn’t be there! Lukas was a big help and I was so happy he asked if he could take some of the tuna home for his dad, what a sweetie.

All in all. It was an amazing day!

November 3, 2022

Seriously, I worked my butt off at the office today and then got to stuff down the anxiety of something new and go to my new job. I started off the day enjoying breakfast with Rae-Anne before hitting the books. I showed up at 4:30 to Arby’s to start my first training shift. There was a lot of thrown into the fire but R-A was by my side for most of it, encouraging and training. I really did have fun, the team there is awesome and I found the time going by easily. The team tonight was amazing and I appreciated that they let me know I was doing great. The customers were mostly thankful and encouraging. The funny part was the people who seemed to look down on me for being old and working fast food. I do not take it personally as they have no idea that I don’t need this near minimum wage job or that I ran my own restaurant. In the big realm of things, their opinion doesn’t matter. What it really speak to is ageism. I didn’t have any complaints about my co-workers, they were super cool, even if they did know I was the boss’ s Mom. Lol

November 2, 2022

Roe v Wade is complicated for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not happy it was overturned. As a young Born-Again Christian I wrote a letter to the government asking them to outlaw abortion. As a 30 year old, I kept the child of a rape, adamant that I did not believe in abortion for myself. As a much older, hopefully wiser person, I fully understand the my body, my choice mentality. There are so many things that change with time; gay marriage, women’s vote, people can’t be owned. What person of any ilk thinks going backwards is a good plan? We need to care about each other more than an ideology. Unless you have experienced something, a tough choice, you do not have a say. Mic drop,

I learned today that Christina Applegate has MS. I am so sad for her, not just because she is a celebrity but because it is robbing her of who she is. It wouldn’t matter if she was my garbage man, I would feel the sadness of this news. That she has to experience it in a public forum is even worse, surely adds to the horror.

I awoke to much snow, shoveled my way to the car and finally made it to the office. I seem almost anxious at the length of the list of work. Today I knocked a bunch off the list but it doesn’t seem to take the feeling away. I have to keep reminding myself that it is only the beginning of the month. And I need to not read tone into email and texts that are coming in and take caution not to answer with implied tone. Somewhere at my core I feel I am letting someone down and I don’t even know which someone that is!!

I unfortunately didn’t even stop to eat today so I made a good dinner when I finally got home.

Ramblings, that’s all I got. Well, there was this good moment this morning when I stopped at Street Angels to drop off socks and toques. It was closed but there was a nice person who struck up a conversation and when she observed I was dropping off and I said yes, socks, she looked down at her wet feet. I offered her the bag and suggested she share the wealth. She lit up and gratefully accepted it which made my day start off promising.

November 1, 2022

There were simply not enough hours in this work day. Because I was to meet at my place to give my dressers, and other items to Natalia at 6 pm, I spent the time getting everything ready this morning. Once at the office I could barely look up from all the things on the list. I ran out at lunch to the Heidout to check on the room for the party and was blessed that Heidi happened to be there and we discussed the perfect set up. There will be a nook by the fire for musicians to sit and jam, the place will easily seat the 36 of us expected, planning for 40 just in case, and I know who the people there will be away as Jordan has won another award for his beer and they will be off to Vancouver. I was super glad to get that part of the plan off my list and I stopped at the Dollar Store to get drink and door prize tickets. Once back at the office I kept at it. This morning I had had a panic attack starting as there were software issues and the one company said it was the other’s problem. Turns out it wasn’t and with only 6 minutes to spare, the second company agent and I figured out the work around and I got the payroll posted in time for them to be paid on Friday. That was a relief. Everything that is on my plate right now is a priority. Times like that call for me to nose down and get them all done as fast as I can. Suddenly my alarm was going off and it was time to get home and meet Natalia. I didn’t start dinner as I needed to focus on it and didn’t want to be interrupted. Unfortunately they didn’t show up until 7:30. She took one dresser, and Jackie’s table as well as a box of bedding and towels and a few other things I was able to throw together. I know Jackie would be happy to know it is being used by a refugee. I spent a great deal of time moving Auntie Ollie’s vanity and dresser set into my room and putting my clothes away. I have a whole bag of socks to drop off at Street Angels tomorrow. The snow is coming down and it is a good time to donate them as they serve the street people. After that I made dinner which was a delicious mushroom soup and ciabatta cheese buns. It was as good as mine and nice and easy with the portions. I look forward to it for lunch tomorrow as well. Now I am tired, I didn’t get to sleep until after 2 in the morning so I will wind down and try again earlier.

October 31, 2022

Depression is weird. It isn’t always wild mood swings. For me it can often be just being stuck in the middle, devoid of any depth of feeling. I feel that is where I am. Don’t get me wrong, moments can still move me but mostly it is a wash, rinse, repeat existence. I should have known this was coming when I was short with Jake and Lukas and didn’t completely love Thanksgiving. I try to protect my heart and mind this time of the year. There are too many losses, too many memories, too much PTSD going on. I forgot to tap into my toolbox to get through and when I realized last night that I hadn’t even done anything at my office for my favourite holiday (well, tied with Christmas), it hit me that I needed to buy in a bit. I got up early enough to get on the treadmill for the first time in a month and then decided to try on the dress Ashlée had got me years ago. She, like most, knows how much I love Nightmare Before Christmas and I was so happy to fit it and threw together a ‘look’ for the office. It didn’t matter one bit if I got comments or compliments as I felt good and fun. I will admit though when one of the ladies told me I have great legs, it felt great. My friend Claire, who is currently in Oslo, was wearing the same mask today! My parcel with my shirt and hoodie arrived today from VIMF! Marcy also sent along my 2019 credentials that had gotten lost in the shuffle and a couple stickers. I will wear them tomorrow, for sure. I got all I needed to today done so that I could get home and get ready for the wee trick or treaters. The first ones were around 5:30 and were adorable. I had set a motion sensor phone that rings and when they answered it it would say spooky things. I did not even think about the fact they wouldn’t know what an old fashioned phone was. It made me laugh. There were 51 guests in all, ending with the three youngest grandsons. It made my heart happy when their Mom called earlier to invite me to go out with them but I was happy to be home handing out candy. It was too cold and a little rainy at the start but cleared up, thankfully. I was grateful they brought the kids by though and it was nice to see Sean bring Zoe by as well. Gene and the students did the best group costume ever. There was even a post on Facebook about them being epic. They wheeled a cart around as one of them hung across it calling out Bring Out Ye Dead. Then the one on the cart would stir and say I’m Not Dead Yet! Very clever.

October 31, 2022

Depression is weird. It isn’t always wild mood swings. For me it can often be just being stuck in the middle, devoid of any depth of feeling. I feel that is where I am. Don’t get me wrong, moments can still move me but mostly it is a wash, rinse, repeat existence. I should have known this was coming when I was short with Jake and Lukas and didn’t completely love Thanksgiving. I try to protect my heart and mind this time of the year. There are too many losses, too many memories, too much PTSD going on. I forgot to tap into my toolbox to get through and when I realized last night that I hadn’t even done anything at my office for my favourite holiday (well, tied with Christmas), it hit me that I needed to buy in a bit. I got up early enough to get on the treadmill for the first time in a month and then decided to try on the dress Ashlée had got me years ago. She, like most, knows how much I love Nightmare Before Christmas and I was so happy to fit it and threw together a ‘look’ for the office. It didn’t matter one bit if I got comments or compliments as I felt good and fun. I will admit though when one of the ladies told me I have great legs, it felt great. My friend Claire, who is currently in Oslo, was wearing the same mask today! My parcel with my shirt and hoodie arrived today from VIMF! Marcy also sent along my 2019 credentials that had gotten lost in the shuffle and a couple stickers. I will wear them tomorrow, for sure. I got all I needed to today done so that I could get home and get ready for the wee trick or treaters. The first ones were around 5:30 and were adorable. I had set a motion sensor phone that rings and when they answered it it would say spooky things. I did not even think about the fact they wouldn’t know what an old fashioned phone was. It made me laugh. There were 51 guess in all, ending with the three youngest grandsons. It made my heart happy when their Mom called to invite me to go out with them but I was happy to be home handing out candy. It was too cold and a little rainy at the start but cleared up, thankfully. I was grateful they brought the kids by though and it was nice to see Sean bring Zoe by as well. Gene and the students did the best group costume ever. There was even a post on Facebook about them being epic. They wheeled a cart around as one of them hung across it calling out Bring Out Ye Dead. Then the one on the cart would stir and say I’m Not Dead Yet! Very clever.

October 30, 2022

I slept well, puttered at chores around the house, made a nummy stew for ‘lupper’ and pretty much use hung out at home today. it was good for me not to do any work, although I did check in with a client who would want me to come to his business. He had not done the ‘homework’ I left him last Sunday so I decided not to go. I was glad for this.

Many things have been running through my mind.

Malcolm and Danika let us know yesterday that they are pregnant again, Emmy seems happy about that. Another bonus grandkid for me.

Diane had called my UK besties and the rest of my ABCs, my angels. She feels they are a grounding caring group in my life and I have to agree. I miss them and look forward to the potential of seeing Eastern Canada together in the near future. I sometimes wish I had a duel income, or had kept a job with a pension so I could truly retire and travel. I am not sure that is in my future but I will continue to have hope and set goals.

It is time to work at getting my home sorted and purged, the first step towards any goals. It will help to offer much to Natalia and her daughter as they are getting their apartment soon.

I need to start reading more, I miss it but don’t make the time for it.

My 3000 piece puzzle is still on my table, unfinished. As the weather is changing, I expect the habit will return.

This is the first Halloween in as long as I can remember that I didn’t even decorate my office. This speaks to my lack of enthusiasm about being there and tells me the decision to work toward only a couple days a week there is a good one. I will need to work on getting an office set up here again to do so though.

Rae-Anne may need me to fill some shifts at Arby’s. This would help me as I would ask that most of my wage goes to tax, bringing down the amount I would owe at the end of the year. Even if it is just cleaning, hosting kind of work, it would help them and accomplish what I need.

I have forgotten how much I do just enjoy my own company and can volunteer on occasion to get social time.

This week will be fun as I put together the volunteer party on Friday night. I will bring Lukas with me early to set up and look forward to the 36 people or so expected to attend.

Tracey let me know today that she will be home from her daughters in time for handing out treats tomorrow night. I am glad but the weather is threatening to be liquid so that is a downer.

I am going to climb into a bath bombed tub now, watch some Disney and tune out the thoughts to wind down for an early bed tonight.

October 30, 2022

I got dressed up and headed to the Guedes house to meet everyone and go to the Downtown Halloween Walk. It was fun to see all the amazing costumes on young and old alike. The kids seemed to have a good time and the weather was perfect. Gene put on his Uncle Travis’s fire gear from when he was on the Salt Spring Fire team. It was something to see him fit them, RIP Trav. I hung out for a bit chatting with R-A before coming home to get ready for my nail appointment I was lucky to get today at 5.

Had a great visit with Minh as usual and he did a lovely job on my nails.

The evening culminated with my going to see Misery on its closing night at The Studio/Stage Door. It was entertaining, not quite the psychological thriller it could have been but the acting was very good and the set was well planned for the small stage. Some things were annoying, including the fact that the bartender didn’t open drinks as she should have so the audience made noise opening them during the show. Also, there were audience members who had clearly not been at live theatre before and got up several times during the first act. Over all it was a very good show though, a solid CCT production. I just don’t think the tension was there that I would have like to have seen. And the feet, oh, the feet, lol. The audience laughed rather than was freaked out by the hobbling as they were very dark coloured and rubbery. The shooting went well though.

It was weird not to stay for the party but I really was only peripheral, working concession, so didn’t think I should stay. Came home to a cozy up cat and a comfy couch.