triumphgal

When I was 2 my dad married Barb. A while later they had Greg. I can’t begin to imagine what it was like for a 24 year old woman to marry a 26 year old grieving  widower with a two year old but I can confirm that she embraced her role as wife and mother with every ounce of her heart and soul. We may not share a gene pool but she is my Mom. 

It hasn’t always been sunshine and lollipops, especially those challenging years  from 10 on. I had found out she wasn’t my birth Mom and that peculiar knowledge that my world did not exist as I comprehended it added to a network  of misfirings in my brain. I had seen behind the curtain, and now I was waiting for the flying monkeys.  If I hadn’t actually known who my core family really was, what else was a lie? 

It isn’t actually fair to bring in a wicked witch analogy because she really wasn’t.  She loved fiercely and tried hard to be fair. No one has a perfect childhood, and mine was pretty cool by most standards; Houseboat, hang gliding, SCUBA diving, skiing and motorcycling…. Divorce, depression and pseudo delinquency. 

My own misfiring brain left me suicidal, and acting out with alcohol, drugs and sex. I won’t go in to all the details here of the crazy ride my life has been to date but I want the world to know, one consistent in my life is Barbs love. I didn’t always want it, acknowledge it or even recognize it but it was there, holding me up, encouraging me or admonishing me when necessary.

Every time I have had a surgery, a child, a divorce, a moment …She has come running, dropping whatever is important in her life to be there for me. 

Two weeks ago she called that her long awaited hip replacement surgery had been scheduled for today, April 16, 2015. I live in Bella Bella now, not near or convenient and I have a job that pays people, a tight schedule. At first my brain started to plan who else may be available to be there for her. And then I listened and I heard that my Mom needed me. 

I flew in two days ago so we could talk and plan. We have laughed so much in the past 36 hours as most sentences have begun with “just in case…” Or “so if you kick it….”

I got in her car at the airport, took her hand and said, “I love you, there, nothing unsaid, you got anything?” We laughed and the ice was broken.  She’s 74 next month and having major surgery having not been in the hospital for her self more than once in her life and that was 43 years ago. So she’s afraid but the way I handle fear is to talk out all possibilities and make them all just items on a check list. And so it went:

1. Will updated 
2. Bills paid
3. Plants watered
4. Car serviced
5. Hair cut
6. Safety deposit key?
7. What jewellery to whom?
8. What else did you promise to anyone
9. Cell number notification list
10. Hockey schedule
11. Cancel pedicure on birthday
12. Pack bag
13. Anything I should burn before anyone sees?

Check, check, check

This morning we were up and out by 7:50 as she was to be at UBC hospital by 9:30. I drove and made her walk from parking lot in the beautiful sunshine so she could wear out that damn right hip once and for all; get her monies worth. Her response, ‘watch it brat, I’ll hit you with my cane’ 

We were both very impressed with her nurse as he filled in all the blanks. It seems this was a last minute fill in as she didn’t get to go to a session about what to do to prepare and what to expect. He calmly explained what he could after I helped get her degermed and gowned up. He started her IV and left us to wait as she was scheduled for 11:35. Good thing she had a comfy chair as it was 1:20 by the time they took her in. I was happy to see the surgeon at 1 when he came in to initial her right hip. Good to be sure it was the correct one.  

I tried not to whine but I was fading as I had fasted in support and was starving! It was getting more difficult to keep her distracted from the whole idea of a spinal and the fear she may hear them. It was described to her as though there were construction going on next door and she would be consciously sedated. I tried to tell her she was finally going to get high so she should just lay back and enjoy it. She napped off and on as we waited.

  

When the time came to walk down to OR we had a big hug and that was that.

I’ve had a bite, a coffee and a walk in the sun. Soon I shall take her walker and bag, meet her in her room and be glad I bought her all the channels on a TV so we can cheer for my Ducks of Anaheim. My Mom loves me that much!

And I love her more.