03-29-22 Scotch takes the pain away
This day was (plug your ears/eyes) fucked up. I am rapid cycling panic attacks and getting things done. I called the booking number from home and left a message. Got a call while I was at work to tell to be at the hospital at 7 am on Thursday, ready to go. Of course that just triggered all the shit. Had a hard time focusing on a lot of client miscommunication today. Filed what I could, did what I was asked and felt like falling in a heap all day. I kept getting out of my chair and wandering to try to blow it off. I just want to lay in a hammock and cry, or take the anti-anxiety meds I have but i need a clear head as I have a board meeting tonight… yes obligation will always trump me.
The Board meeting went smoothly, I feel like I came up with a few clear thoughts in spite of turning off my video to cry on occasion.
I was stressing an hour before the meeting wondering through the list in my brain who I could not bother by reaching out when I got a message from my dear friend Sarah, whom I called and had the perfect thing that I needed. I miss her dearly and hope her world ends up closer to mine in the future as Bella Bella is sooooo far away!!!
I have nothing polite to say at the moment, I honestly want the world to know how afraid I am, how strong I am and…. How weak I am.
triumphgal 
My friend, I am so sad to hear that you are having panic attacks and being so stressed about your surgery. I wish I was closer and I could give you a big hug and let you cry it out! Be strong Marnee. You have been through a lot in your life and you have come out on top. I am keeping you in my thoughts and sending healing vibes your way!
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