I tidied up, built Clippy which I received from Rae at Christmas, made an ill fated attempt to put on false eyelashes and then got ready to go. Will had been skating at Elizabeth Lake and I gave him a red de hone on the way to the office. I spent sone time there reviewing my Viatour excursions and others. I also looked at the trip options Rae and Roger have for May.
I headed to Key City to volunteer for Oliver. I worked Door 6 and sold 50/50. At first I was struggling to be social as I had been mostly alone in my head today. It turns out that it was the best thing for me to do. The show was very long. I am also working the matinee tomorrow. I will be at Door 4 which will give me a better view. There are two girls who take turns as Oliver. Tonight’s was amazing. Tomorrow is Marnie!
I’m trying to be conscious that I am allowed to feel the way I feel. Grief and loss touch me in different ways. I have to be conscious that my resting bitch face is there not as any sign of stress or anger, but just a general sadness or malaise. I reached out to Donna and Rosie today to ask what I could do and they each agreed it would be wonderful if I would start things rolling at the open mic during Jeanne’s celebration of life. of course that got my mind stuttering in the background, running memories like an old movie reel as I continue to work.
I thought going to poker tonight would be fun and it was. It was nice to see a new face and some familiar ones around the table. I had stopped at Finn and Baker to pick up some nachos to bring to find out that three of the people that I usually visit with there won’t be in their usual spots. Michelle was fired and Bob and Bejea have quit drinking. These are all good reasons. I did end up having a nice visit with Chris who is usually on the other side of the bar. It is so sweet to hear him talk about his dog, a 13-year-old lab.
I think I was the third one out at Poker, which is OK because I didn’t spend a lot of money and I had a nice time and I didn’t drink while I was there and now I am cuddled up in my chair to watch a show before heading to bed, a nice Friday night
Ben gave an awesome bio presentation at Rotary today. I love hearing the history of people from their own point of view. It is always interesting too see what is important to them that they want to share. It was ordered in pizza day because the head chef at the Heritage restaurant his wife and their daughter were in a horrific accident all three needing extensive surgeries. A fundraiser was put into place by top crop garden supply and as of this evening it looks like it is already at over $110,000.!
This afternoon Keri and I took down the Christmas tree outside our offices
I received a parcel from gourmet gifts and was very surprised that it was a thank you from Rob and Ajada for helping them to catch up on their personal taxes.
I headed to encore for friends with benefits night and had some nice visits with those who showed up and a delicious bowl of bean and bacon soup
Brett and JD showed up for a trivia night. We were called triple threat, and at the end of the third round we were tied for first place. We did not do well on the music category nor the sports category and ended up in third place. It was fun.
After work I met with the early committee to plan the Rotary Gala in April. Mary Ann, Laura and Nadine came to GroundFloor and Mary Ann cast her Pinterest from her iPad to the big TV. We put a good plan together towards the vision. I like working with them. our theme is Through the Looking Glaas
I am tired likely due to still feeling like my lungs are full. This has been a long stretch of not feeling 100%
I made two appointments this morning when I woke up. First was nails at noon. Minh is my best therapy. He even gave me a sweet token to bring home.
I got a fair amount of work done and then had my second appointment at 5 with Melissa. She gives the best pedicures and foot/leg massages. I was very relaxed when it was done.
I drove through A&W for my go to fast food, a teen burger with diet root beer and onion rings. I don’t do it very often but it is a comfort food.
Once home I looked for a part Sawyer needed for his current Lego build and relaxed.
I laughed when I was asked by Brett if my frame was to scale and once measured, determined that they were. It just struck me as amazing considering that they are in centimetres and I ordered them out of the states. This is the cute ornament Kerstin brought me. Brett and Jill gave me the Lego happy plants that they did not know that I really wanted!
Rae-Anne came to drop off a new shoe calendar and I had a piece of Lego that Sawyer needed and a bag and box of Tassimo pods for Gene as my machine kept spewing grounds. After trying everything to remedy the situation, I finally got rid of it. I asked her if she could get some fruit and bring to her Granny. We ended up having a really deep amazing conversation about the principle of Relationship bullseye. I was very moved to know that she sees herself as number one in my bullseye. I did find this link about the concept. The discussion we were having was about how you can only look for support from someone further out from the centre in a crisis. As an example, if Rae’s best friend is in crisis, I can’t take my sad feelings to Rae, I can just support her through it and reach out in my ring or beyond to share my feelings. I don’t know if I am describing this very well but it makes so much sense
She hadn’t been gone long from my office when I got the text that Jeanne was gone. I didn’t have a rush of feelings. I finally cracked when I was hugged by Keri and then Ashley. I had to quickly compartmentalize as there was payroll to finish. I laughed when Ashley showed up with options to get me through.
After work I did stop at Fenwick and Baker and was relieved to only find Cody sitting at the bar. He, Chris the bartender, and I chatted for a couple hours while I had some dinner and it was good for my soul. Once home I made it through two old albums to find a few pics of Jeanne from back in 1983-84 when we were together most every day. I know I have many more pics but these are just a few. I am still processing that 11 months ago tomorrow my Jackie died from the same horrible disease, COPD. These were two very influential women in my life. I shall now use their memories as a backbone to continue not to smoke. My last one was Oct 15, 2025. I intend to do my best to keep it that way.
While I was going through my album I took the time to send these pics to my friends in them. The first is my friend Sandy (Roe) clipping Rae-Anne’s nails as it used to freak me out to do so. Her son Dustin was born 4 days before Rae and that is how we met, in the Kimberley hospital. We became fast friends. The second is of my school friend Julie very pregnant and dancing in heels at our friend Kris’s wedding. I love the joy in that pic.
Today we are sad for us, but glad her suffering is over. As Uncle Bryan said, now we learn how to live in a world without her. That is what grief is.
Today was spent the sitting in the knowledge that Jeanne please teaching not to have any more treatment but pain meds. Her family is all with her and keeping us apprised. so far, she must be hanging on
I watched a number of shows to keep my mind occupied as I did some chores and sorted more Lego. I’m actually glad to have that project right now it’s mindless, but also occupying.
Of all the things I watched today I think my favourite was the movie ‘Here’ with Tom Hanks. It’s a concept that I loved very much and enjoyed. I also binge the season of the Real Palm Beach or something like that. It was brain candy.
I guess I should go to bed soon as tomorrow will be a busy one at work and likely a hard one emotionally
I just realized that it is 1:10 AM and I have spent most of the day sorting Lego and watching new shows. I did stop to make food a couple of times and tidy up a few things but mostly that is what I have done.
I also followed along with the text from Jeanne’s two sisters Rosie and Donna as today has been a rough day. God bless Donna and I sharing a very similar sense of humour when she remarked that it was Jeanne trying to get revenge on her for Donna getting married on Jeanne’s 21st birthday.
That’s what we do. We laugh through the pain as it’s cathartic and binding.
There’s still a big part of me that wishes someone would just tell her that it’s OK and it’s time to go. This is hard on everyone.
I’m just tired. My energy is low. I am glad that I went into work today and got a substantial amount done and that I just came home and made some food and have been watching The Studio. I see why it won so many awards.
There is a couple of inches of nice light fluffy snow when I got up this morning so it was an easy sweep at least and it freshens everything up.
Kerstin was back from Germany and she brought me a beautiful wooden llama decoration that you pull a string and its legs move as well as a delicious chocolate bar with a delightful wrapper
I was awoken by a phone call at 9:06 which was early considering I didn’t go to bed until after 2. It was the hospital calling to see if I could make my way there for my CT scan instead of at 10:15 pm. Out of a dead sleep and finished by 9:45. Stopped and got gas, picked up my puzzle table from the kids house, and came home to put away most of my Christmas decor.
It felt good to get a bunch of outside things done before coming in to do a few more chores and sort Lego, while watching the rest of Stranger Things. It was very well done.
It has been a stressful day as my cousin Jeanne is now in ICU struggling to breathe and I’m not sure that she’s going to be with us for long. In many ways, I wish that she would accept visitors so that I could go and sit with her and know that she is ready to go and give her permission to do so. I have been feeling strongly all day that everyone is probably telling her to hold on, that she’ll get over this flu and be fine. am I hard. I feel that it’s not the case and I would hope for her the same peaceful passing that my Jackie had just surrounded by her loves. Don’t get me wrong, I love her so very much and feel like she is just far far too young as she is only 10 years older than me but it is so hard to know she is suffering and missing out on so much
triumphgal 