hey Mom, I am making friends! Seriously, today was extraordinary. I have had so many deep and meaningful conversations I can’t even tell you! from clients who appreciate what I am doing to help them show the government how much they contribute to our country so they can stay and thrive (spoiled me with one of their great products), to a heartfelt conversation with a fellow board member who understands that we don’t always agree but we always support and care about each other, to great chats with other organizational members that feel real and not forced, to being brave enough to ‘refriend’ a person who hurt me in the past and both of us realizing we miss our friendship and want to put it all in the past, to a casual friend asking to hang out in the future because we are learning we enjoy each other’s company. These are all things that seemed so impossible not so long ago, I honestly feel that letting go and being open to all is the secret. I am manifesting all positives in my relationships and the universe is providing in abundance. All in the same day… so much love. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I probably should flag this post somehow so I can come back and reread it when I think I am alone in this world. I mean, I know you are out there reading and observing the ups and downs that are the life I lead, you see the cycling. I am aware that I am a study in contradictions but I have to be aware that just because my perception of relationships or lack there of changes, it doesn’t always mean others have left me, in fact, I may have pushed them away, for now. For now I am embracing all the good in this day and looking forward to tomorrow.
Today was super productive at the office and I enjoyed getting invited to join a small group over a beverage for Cinco de Mayo. It was pretty tasty. I worked for a bit more before coming home to make dinner and head to the Theatre where I had promised to tend the concession for this evenings show. It was nice to do that for the first time at our theatre and I liked the chats with patrons and other volunteers. I came to realize that I need to get the tech equipment inventory done as some things are not known to those who need to know. It is raining harder now and it is good for the yard and the cisterns, helping to keep the fire season from starting early. It looks like it will do that for a week though which would be a shame for the Children’s Festival on Saturday. I hope there is a break in the weather for it.
I admit my day was stressed by the fact that my gmail (work) accounts would not download into my outlook so I was only able to read and answer on my phone or on the gmail website. Problem is that all email goes into a folder designated for that client. I don’t want to miss anything. I am still trying to solve it or find an easy work around. I had to send a meeting link to the desktop computer of a client to be able to attend at 10 am.
At 11:20 I went to the sleep clinic for a telehealth appointment to check in as a follow up from my sleep overs last summer. The Dr was lovely and he assured me that I could safely go a night or two without my machine. The negative part would be sleep deprivation which causes lack of energy, loss of mental acuity, etc. As I get very sleep deprived at MusicFest, I doubt I will notice and now I can camp without power safely.
Back to the office to spend the rest of the day on one file. I took small breaks and at one point was able to tell the woman who asked me a question yesterday how much it meant to me. I was wearing my Spring day outfit and she asked if I felt pretty because I should. What a great compliment. It really is a great way to lift someone up and it was still on my mind today so I thanked her. Women need to do more of that.
Sweet me at 2 or 3
Dinner was decent today, not my favourite but will be good for lunch tomorrow. My new ring arrived today and I love it more than I thought I would. My jeep grill with my birthstone headlights!
This morning was cold, even my car warned of ice. The forecast was old though so it was time to break out the sundress and flats. It turned out to be a beautiful day with much accomplished. I had to drop off my car to get the tire sensors fixed so I was at the office early. I was able to get a great deal done and even had time for a piece of cake for a clients birthday. I got my car back and was unhappy to see a big scratch along the passenger side. I can’t prove it happened there but it makes me very sad.
After work I was invited over to the neighbour’s for a beer and a visit before Steph showed up for a couple hours sitting outside enjoying a bottle of Prosecco and talk about the upcoming auditions. She is a very educated theatre person and I was grateful to have the feedback and encouragement. She asked all the right questions and acknowledged the direction I am thinking of for the homework beforehand. We both agreed that I need to go for it with everything and protect myself should I not succeed. I think I have my alternative plan and will be good, regardless. I feel really good being excited about the possibility of being on stage again.
Part of my Noom course today was taking a love language test and I am not surprised that it is a near tie between Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation.
The day was long and productive. I received a text invitation to come to my deceased Great Auntie’s for a glass of wine and visit after dinner. I picked up my cousin Donna and off we went to visit with her sister Jeanne and their and my great uncle Lawrence who lives in the house. They are clearing out things before their brother Dan moves in and wanted to know if I was interested in a few things. My place is small but there was a vintage bedroom set I am interested in, I just have to plot out my space to see if it will fit. We too measurements and I will make a plan tomorrow. Every time I see a vanity set I think of my friend Jackie who sat at hers every morning to do her hair. I think I will work hard to find a spot for it.
The mountains were stunning in the twilight coming back from Kimberley. This is truly a beautiful area of the province. All in all it was a delightful evening and a wonderful end to the first Monday in May.
It’s hard to know when someone moves away if you will see them again. I think in my life I have always said goodbye with the thought in my head that it was just ‘for now’. Too many times life has made it so only looking back was left. Today I did some chores and then got ready and headed to the Firehall. There was supposed to be a BBQ here later but many things changed and spontaneously the plan became lunch with just four of us to say goodbye to Varghese. It was lovely to get to chat with Lynda and Melisa. We all worked together at a Firm a few years back and three of us left for other places. Yesterday was his turn to go and he is off on big adventures. First stop will be home to India to see his family as it has been 3 years. He does have plans to come back to Canada as he has his permanent residency but I would be surprised if it was to Cranbrook. At 30 years old he has so many options and I was interested to hear that he never wants to work in accounting again. I look forward to hearing of his adventures and want to trust I will hear from him and hopefully see him again.
Once I got home I went for a good long walk with Tracy and then we sat in the backyard having a beer and a chat. The temperature was perfect and no wind for a change. She got cold though, and I came in to make dinner. The meal of two huge servings means I will have to enjoy the rest tomorrow. I admit I binge watched the rest of The Flight Attendant that is available so far. Now I must get off to bed as tomorrow is a busy day again.
Started my day with a message to my cousin Debbi for her birthday and the off to get a tattoo to memorialize her sister. Kelly was murdered by her husband and the loss was huge. Debbi has a tattoo of a traditional style dragonfly with Free Spirit and the words Free Spirit with Kelly’s initials. I now have my version! I added splotches of colour as Kelly always wore neon if she had the choice. It was a running laugh in the family. Kimberly of The Tattooed Unicorn did a fantastic job. I love it.
After that I wandered the mall, picked up some frames at Winners and hung the card from Debbi as well as one from the Hearndens.
The evening was a good meal and a long bath watching more episodes of Better Call Saul. I have also started watching The Flight Attendant which is very unusual. I have to see it through to the end now.
I got sad news that a previous beau passed away. We had fun oh so many years ago. RIP dear Tony.
Today was intense as I worked to meet all obligations for the season. I filed my last return to the government at 4:35 and called it a day. It was interesting to see where I had missed a couple things while I was struggling with anxiety last month but they were minor in the big scheme and I easily fixed them. Thank goodness April is done, work wise.
Tonight was opening night of the current Cranbrook Community Theatre show, Tuesdays With Morrie. I love opening nights and it was nice to have the first show back with no mandates and an actual opening celebration after with champagne and cake. To get to hang around and talk about a show after, to schmooz with the cast and crew is always one of the best parts. I loved the show and it was especially timely as Morrie speaks to the idea of living like you are going to die. This is something I have always tried to do but had lost my way. My scare last month brought that back to the forefront and I am grateful for the changes I am making. I had a great talk with a couple of theatre friends about the fact that there is a role coming up for the fall that I really really really want. They 100% encouraged me to audition for it, that they could see me in it. I am going to put myself out there and audition in hope that it is not precast and see what happens. I will let you know when I am allowed to say what it is. As a board member I can’t announce it until the Society makes it public. Something to look forward to for sure.
Last night I cooked a goodfood meal that came as a combo. While I made dinner of rice bowls I also cooked everything to create noodle bowls. I had one rice bowl last night, the other for lunch and then one of the noodle bowls for dinner. It turns out they were both delicious but I preferred the noodle ones. I am glad I have one for lunch tomorrow and likely enough for dinner before the play. That is my kind of cooking, four servings but not four the same. If I make a pot of something I eat if for days as I don’t love thawed out leftovers. I do recommend goodfood. Hit me up if you want a coupon to try it.
One more long day ahead of me to finish and file 3 clients GST. At least I have a play to look forward to at the end of it.
I take one and then make dinner. The bell rings, dinner is served. The couch beckons, Netflix at the ready. Before long I first notice my breathing, the awareness that I have a throat, the stress gone from my body. Next it as if I feel the sea gently bobbing me around. The swells of feeling pass over me. My mind wanders easily. Each thing mentioned on TV triggers a string of thoughts. I know I should go to bed and fall asleep while I can but I am enjoying the ride provided by one legal capsule of oil.
I am blessed to acknowledge that I have contact with three ‘best’ friends who claimed that title in my life over 50 years ago. D’Arcy, Kelly and Deborah came into my life between 3 and 6 years old and at various points have provided me with all the love I needed. To have a bond that needs not talk even annually and to know that in a pinch, they are there for me is beyond measure. I hope that in their souls they know I would do anything for them. It is true that it is Facebook that brought the connection back. When people poo-poo it, I defend the fact that it is the address book, the change of address notice, the Rolodex of our day. Without it, life would just have moved on and we would only have the memories. Now, we have all the joy of watching others children and someday, grandchildren, come to be. I get to share in the celebrations and the pains of life in a moment. They give me support and love when I need it. Today, I received a box in the mail full of puzzles from my Kelly. She and I go back before school days, having met in the neighbourhood of Queensboro, New Westminster, B.C. She and I were so close we even skipped a grade together and share the title of youngest in the class of ‘80 although she is even 4 months younger than I am. The fact that she thought of me and sent me this wonderful hand-me-down gift, just warms my heart. When I went through therapy, every new councilor, psychologist or therapist would ask me if I could count on one hand the people I could reach out to in a crisis. It was always pointed out to me that the network I had formed was the structure to build my life on, to rely on, to know that I had worth if they thought I did, even when I didn’t. These three people are the base of my totem. I love them and know they love me, what more can one wish for.
I believe it is the depths of those relationships that allow me to accept the ‘besties’ I now have in my life that show me regularly that I am worthy of their love and let me be me. I do know that those friends from anon and the ones I hold close these days are all strong, loving, caring people who love their families deeply, no surprise our bonds are strong.
I hope you had a good day. I did! Got lots done, had 2 great client visits and I had the most billable hours in the month. I am still crazy tired but also very satisfied. I hope your day was 1/10th as good as mine was calm and productive. If so, we both did ourselves proud.xo
I got my good food meals this week and the servings are huge. Easy and delicious
I didn’t feel great today but it was nice out, warmer than it has been, so I decided to walk to the office and back. I used my Mapmywalk app for the first time. It really was a lovely stroll, chatting up people along the way, checking out gardens and houses I don’t usually get to see and enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. I got another file completed and headed back. It was near 7 when I got home and still warm and nice. My guts are still unhappy and I was worn out but it was so worth it. This week ahead will be very full.
The captain of my team, Ryan Getzlaf retired and was gifted by my favourite player of all time, Teemu Selanne. The Ducks will not be the same without them both.
It was worth setting an alarm today to spend time with the ABCs, well many of us anyway. There were noticeable absences and we aren’t together again until June, boo. I took the app Dave mentioned and made some fun watercolors as samples. I did a few chores including getting rid of the last of the bouquet I received on the 30th. The last two flowers fit perfect in the swan vase Cindy gave me.
Rae-Anne came by and chose a dress and shoes to wear to a 1920s gala tonight. I do not lend out shoes and they are my Carnaby Street, UK ones so I must prepare for any outcome. They are just a thing, right??
There was a cool thing on the fence when we left. I will take part.
The next long stretch of time was at the office. I got a lot done making next weeks list shorter. When I was nearing the end of my day, I enjoyed a bevie.
Came home and made a good meal before climbing into a tub and watching Bridgerton, Next it was out to the couch to take a gummy and relax. I have been having a time dealing with Survivor Guilt. My friend Deb died of Cancer before I knew for sure I didn’t have it and I am obsessively remembering her now. At the time I had no emotions, they were immediately shoved away. I wanted to reach out to her kids, I have not. I have to be careful and figure out how not to make it about me. I have known them for 30 or more years, I need to reach out, give them all the love and I will, when I process this oddness out of my system.
I love my girl, my middle child, my mini-me. She brings the character to the family. I am so thrilled that Bill and Deanne cooked a turkey and had us all over tonight. Unfortunately Rae-Anne isn’t feeling well so stayed home. Roger brought a bottle of deliciousness to share. Ice cream cake was the best. I was spoiled with a gorgeous weighted throw. All in all a great evening.
The day was busy busy and I was grateful that my friend Colleen had sent me a link to Heygo, a site with free tip funded tours. The one I took was from a woman named Elizabeth who took us through her city of Aqueripa, Peru petting llamas and alpacas. It was such a treat and I was able to data enter while it was on my second screen. It make me want to travel again which is a plus.
I am very exhausted, hoping that I am not coming down with anything. I have a constant mild headache and my eyes feel hazy. Need to get some good sleep this weekend.
I was on my schedule again this morning but really dragging my butt. It was a productive day and at one point I realized I HAD to get my nails done. I called, expecting a long wait but was told I could come right then so I dropped the belt and headed over. It felt so good to get my favourite finish done again. I stopped at Bootlegger on the way out of the mall and hit a great clearance of clothes close to the size I am now. 4 shirts, 2 tanks and a dress for $81 was a great deal. All of that in an hour and back at the books. The janitor was sweet and carried my Good Food order out to my car. I dropped it off at home before heading to Key City to bartend for Bromance. I may have over committed as I was edgy and tired. Sometimes I wish when people say I can handle it they would leave me alone to do that. I can easily be friendly and good as a server but it is hard to not be snippish with a person who is getting in the way more than they are helping. Some of the joy of being in that space is disappearing. I will write it off to healing and keep being there when they need me. I did get to sit in for part of the show and it was entertaining. A group of three guys doing circus, acrobatic type acts. The audience laughed and cheered a great deal.
Up and on the treadmill, getting the steps in was a good start to a very full day. I was at the office at a decent time, got much done from the list and was treated to a lovely chocolate cake by others in the office. No such thing as too late cake!
I had planned to work until I was ahead of things when I was reminded it was 420 and my client in Kimberley was having a celebration and had invited me to attend. I saw on facebook that another friend was supplying the tunes and suddenly just realized it was time to drop the tool belt again. I headed off to Kimberley around 330 and had a lovely visit with the staff and others at the event, picked up a few gummies for the weekend and then decided to head to my cousin Jeanne’s to drop off the soup container she had brought me while I was recovering. It turned out her son Mark was there visiting with his partner Elaine and his daughter Sarah. I haven’t seen him for a real visit in at least 15 years we figured out and it was wonderful. Uncle Lawrence came and we all had a lovely dinner together. Christine showed up with Caillie and Riley (I may have spelt those wrong) and then Brian showed up a while later. It was so good for my soul to visit with them all. Getting to know Sarah was the best. She has been accepted into U of Lethbridge in the fall for their technical theatre program so we connected on that level and I am so excited for her. I finally had to head home and there were so many good hugs that I left with my tank filled. I stopped at cousin Donna’s on the way home to drop off her containers and had a short but lovely visit.
This new lease on life has me really working at balance and connection. We all suffered through the separation of the last two years and it makes these moments even more special.
I did stop and pick up my framed prints and can’t wait to hang them in my office, they turned out so perfect. yes, I am a nerd…
It was funny to hear people worrying about their gardens freezing. Clearly new locals or they would know you don’t plant until the snow is gone off the ski hill!
What a wonderful day of gifts to open and wonderful messages to read. Facebook is amazing for birthdays, especially the memories people share. It’s like a Flash back to all the weights and hairstyles and events over the years. So many great photos with friends, it made me smile all day long as I was able to check in. Rae-Anne picked me up to go to Mr Mike’s for dinner before my Board Meeting. Once again a lot was discussed and accomplished and afterward, thanks to Steve, there was a delicious Coffee Crisp cake. I am feeling like I had a large turkey dinner at the moment though!!
I feel great for this age and stage, there is no limit to what I can still do and how many adventures there still are in this life. After last month’s scare it is even more sweet to embrace this last year of my 50s and do those things that bring joy to myself and to others. I shall sleep peacefully this evening embraced in the knowledge that I am loved by many.
This is the day I traditionally have thought of as my New Years Eve. It is the night I think about all the things I want to hold on to and what I want to let go of. I began by setting my alarm and getting on the treadmill, beginning the habits I had before getting the news on March 9th. I was at the office at a regular time and enjoyed the peacefulness of everyone else in my end of the building being off. I worked my tushka off and came home at a decent time when my brain had had enough. I puzzled a bit, made a nice meal and settled to watch my shows. I had to reschedule my tattoo tomorrow as her kids aren’t feeling well. I was grateful to find she had an opening on my cousin Debbi’s birthday on the 30th as it is a them matching memorial to her sister I am getting. It was first scheduled for her sister’s birthday, and then mine.. now we will try hers, lol. Short story is I will hold on to the things that brought me joy and boot the rest to the far side.
