triumphgal

I have begun to think this blog has become more of a grocery list of my daily steps. I probably should go back and read my own story to know for sure. The fact is there are so many things that run through my mind, so many opinions and moments that I am not sure I should share. Honestly, I have become extremely judgy which is the opposite of what I want to be. Most of my life I dealt with the fact I felt judged and not enough and here I am sitting all questioning. When did I become the queen of everything? I want to have deep relationships but don’t seem capable any more. I am good with surface now, even that was gone for a while. It is easier to stay separate and alone ultimately but life is long if we are lucky and there is much left to experience. It’s that imposter syndrome thing.. I am who I am and am pretty sure it’s enough most days but moments overwhelm. It’s a sense of loss that I can’t always put my finger on and at the moment it is probably exacerbated by the whole Covid thing. I have been single in every way for over 4 years now. That is the longest ever. I have had a couple dates, been offered relationship and sex but taken neither. I set the bar high for the first time in my life and now it is over my head. The fear of disappointing someone or being disappointed cripples me. I see happy people in couples around me, watch their ups and downs and routines and wonder if that is still a possibility for me or if I have had my time. I have been blessed with beautiful men in my life, almost every one of them brought something positive with them no matter how it ended. I wonder if I relied too much on my sparkle. Yep, my energy and childlike self in a get er done woman is attractive to a broken person. I finally stopped allowing broken into my life and now I am coming to realize everyone is broken somehow by my age and I may need to be less picky and more accepting.. sigh. I am self counseling right now, bear with me. I must regularly look in the mirror and acknowledge that I am happy alone but would like to have my person. I throw that into the atmosphere, if there a person that could handle my foibles, come get me!!! and I will try to handle yours, I promise.

My day completely alternated between resting my body on the couch which was still sore from the slip yesterday and working on the kitchen. I finished most of the wall covering and installed the shelf which it seems needed to be for my teapot collection which is odd since I rarely drink tea. The pink ancient one was won by my birth mom when she was in elementary school and the cup and saucer I made in Mexico when I was 13.

As soon as I saw the shelf in place I knew that was the colour I was looking for for the cupboards and the trim. I went to Home Depot and picked up two different sheens for each look. I stopped by Rae’s to pickup leftovers and combined with the mashed potatoes and gravy from Diane had a lovely dinner with a glass of wine and the umpteenth episode of ‘a million little things

took the doors off the cupboards above the stove and got a first coat on the cabinets and then I was done. I don’t have to rush things and have enjoyed some time off. My lists seem to get longer and different but are not going away. Ah well, life is not done until it is, right?

The best part of my day was picking up a tray of goodness from the Guedes household and bringing it to share with Ken and Ashlée. We decorated cookies. Ashlée did the top row, Ken the second and then mine

After a delicious nosh Ken wanted to take a nap and Ash suggested we go walk the Mistletoe Trail in the Community Forest. Unfortunately just as we neared my car in the parking lot of her building I slipped and protected my knees but did like a disco split. Ash had to help me stand up and my right hip which already suffers from my fall down the stairs in 2015 is aching. It was not going to stop me though. The weather is perfect and I am in good company. We had an amazing adventure in Newfoundland in 2014 on Boxing Day which was reminiscent of today.

After falling I really wasn’t sure I wanted to go on a long unstable walk but I am sooooooo grateful I did. I had seen pictures and knew of it but never really understood how great it was. Whatever the number of people who come together to decorate and maintain a long stretch of the community forest trail, I am grateful to every one of them. There were handmade, vintage, store bought, sparkly, reflective and so many more. The weather had wreaked havoc so there were broken trees and hidden in the snow bits but it just added to the treasure hunt. So incredible. Ran into three couples we knew and all but two groups/singles we passed said hello, happy holidays, etc. It was painful for me as my hip really started to ache but I was able to push it aside and enjoy the winter wonderland. An hour of rest air and sunshine as good for the soul.

Thank you to Cranbrook for doing winter so well, including the dual skating rinks at Baker Park

I came home and made hot chocolate with the leftover chocolate from making the reindeer and a shot of Crème de Menthe. Heated up a rice bag in the microwave and tried to curl up on the couch. I have been drinking and watching ‘a million little things’ and just tuning out. We shall see how I move in the morning.

Some people have Druncle. I have stoned Auntie who lives in the states. I love her to death and tonight was very interesting as she mentioned the early days of my life when she hated that my kid (half) brother always came first, even before me getting fed. I wonder about those pieces of the puzzle that might explain my feeling like I don’t deserve o eat until all work is done. We commiserated over being women in a male centric family. I hope to get to see her again soon.

I had lowered expectations of this day and I needn’t have. From the first minute of the day to the last I had beautiful moments. I didn’t even have a coffee before I was making breakfast Bundt cakes to take to Rae’s (2), Campbell’s and Ashlée’s. It took a couple hours but was so enjoyable. It reminded me of when I ran the restaurant on Salt Spring and would go in early to make 3 soups and cornbread. I had a system going and made my first official meals in my new stove. I delivered the Guedes ones while the next ones were baking. Had a quick visit to open gifts with the Campbells and was spoiled with a bag of treats and goodies. I think they were all happy with my choices. I will have to call them Lord & Lady Campbell now that I bought them each a square foot of land in Scotland.

Stopped back at Rae’s to drop off the 4 Litre milk I had and wouldn’t be using and had a good laugh at the spelling on Sawyer’s jammies.

Next stop was Ken and Ash’s where he and I enjoyed the breakfast and FaceTimed with Granny. Then while Ash went to do errands Ken took me for a drive in his new Subaru Legacy and he did donuts on the ice in the Western Financial parking lot. It was fun bringing out my inner Redneck.

Came home and finally opened my stocking and the lovely gifts from the Guedes can, Perreault’s and my cousin Debbi. I was very much spoiled. Puzzles, a book, a tea towel, wine and beer, and much more.

I wasn’t even especially upset that I never finished decorating my tree. There are exactly 4 decorations on it and my train, that’s it. I usually have it laden with memories but it seemed that this year it is more about the lights in the darkness than the trip down memory lane. I only shed a wee tear today when I was driving to make a delivery and saw a white truck coming towards me. I knew it was Bob, who had gotten so angry at me, he’d quit the Strata. Since then he will not even look in my direction. As he neared, I waved and he returned a joyous wave and big smile. It was a Christmas miracle. I choose to believe he knew it was me. I tried to FaceTime Jackie but there was no answer. Jake and I had a bit of a chat and I sent and received so many messages by Facebook, Messenger and text it was lovely. Even from clients. What a time. It seems people are making more of a point to connect than ever before. It’s sort of exhausting to make source you don’t miss anyone, lol.

The Guedes kitchen table broke so I offered them my drop leaf one. It has two leafs so can be as big as they need. I need to get organized and clear spaces so I hope it works for them. While they were here Roger and Gene cleared another parking space for me and released the apron of snow hanging precariously off the edge of the roof. In the meantime I made treats for Aiden and Zoë.

Dinner at the Campbells was lovely, we ate good food, had good laughs, watched the new Pixar movie on Disney channel, Soul and played Go Retro. I really liked the movie, it has these different styles that go from realistic to Picasso like. It fascinated me. Everyone seemed to enjoy the game and I was surprised how well Aiden did. Lord Sean won of course. Once Zoë went to bed we started watching Anchorman but only 33 minutes in I was falling asleep and needed to head home. As I was leaving Aiden gave me a big hug. That’s pretty great from a 16 year old and was the perfect finish to the day.

I got a decent timed start on the day without rushing too much. Headed in to work and was gobsmacked, first by the temperature that said minus 16 but radio announced feels like minus 22 and then by the beauty. I love the clean contrast of everything in the snow. A couple times today I just had to pull over and take a picture.

I am grateful for a roof over my head, a decent car that handles well on the slickery roads and an indoor job. Danika and Emmy came to my office to bring me muffins fresh out of the oven and a gift card to the frozen yogurt place that Emmy was very excited about. I also got some great prints of pictures to put in my frame at work. I enjoyed a muffin and a special coffee and got down to work.

Finished off a file and called it a day around 2:30. I need a new mask for my CPAP machine so headed over to the mall where the place that sells them is right near the entrance so I figured I could just get in and out. Turns out they were closed and so I thought I would treat myself to nails in the future by making an appointment today. I haven’t been there since February and was greeted with joy and told if I could wait 10 minutes they could do them! So I did. And it felt nice to be pampered. I went for the full pretty Holiday nails, even longer than I normally would and love them.

When I was done I picked up a few extras at Winners, including a wine bottle stopper as I seem to have misplaced mine. By that time I knew I had to get my act in gear. I had made three batches of Fruit wines, a White Sangria, Wild berry Pomegranate and Green Apple, bought crates that hold 15 bottles and stored them ready at Campbell’s. By the time I got it all home and in the house I was having trouble breathing. It was just the hernia but it also made me realize I had eaten nothing and it was nearing 5 pm. I threw a pizza in my new oven on a pan, just in case and got to making the reindeer I planned for the kids. I was annoyed that of the 20 I bought only 8 were unbroken. They turned out goofy cute though and while they were setting in the fridge I wrapped presents for family.

After dropping everything off I was to follow Ken and Ashlée to their place as they had the food that was prepared by everyone and parceled out. She pulled over at one point and then turned in the opposite direction. After heading way up the hill I began to get anxious that I was following the wrong car when suddenly I realized we were looking for Santa. I had just blocked it out as I figured I was going to miss it but it is my favourite part of the Christmas tradition here in Cranbrook. Bless her heart for leading us there.

Then it was back to their apartment where Ken had only recently come out of quarantine having come up from Kalispell. That is what allowed me to have them be my bubble for family dinner. It was great food, great company, lovely gifts and fun games. I had got them one called Go Retro and it was a lot of fun for the three of us and then Roger got You Don’t Know Jack going on his Twitch account, we watched the game on his TV on Ashlée’s laptop while playing along on our phones. Isn’t technology grand!?

Stopped at The C’s to have a bevie and grab her Bundt pan for me to make them breakfast and am so tired I wasn’t much as company. Came home and found the snow is slowly sliding off the roof but not letting go. I think it looks cool but could make a loud mess when it lets go. I have paid attention to Mistletoe and climbed into my new jammies looking forward to a good sleep and a fun day tomorrow. It is weird not to be sleeping at Rae and Rogers as I have for the last 5 years at least but it is good Bill and Deanne are so the kids have them. I am looking forward to going for a drive with Ken tomorrow in his new car. I was happy he invited me to do so.

So many moments in this day… got up and got wrapping, my garbage man was coming and i had presents for his girls and a snowman full of snacks as well. I got them all wrapped and ready to leave on the porch for him. I also wanted to bring the Campbell’s gifts to work for Sean to take home and put under their tree. Also realized I hadn’t opened my advents for a couple days! I headed out leaving a note on the garbage to check the porch. First stop was the theatre office to leave Maureen and Malachi’s gift of homemade snacks for her to take home. figured it was also time to just give her the gift certification I had bought for us to enjoy a spa visit together. With all the Provincial Health Orders I figure she should take advantage of it rather than have it go to waste waiting to be able to do it together. It would have been nice though…

On the ways to town at my last usual left the beautiful tree on the corners had been broken by the weight of it all. On my way home tonight the entire tree had been cut down and taken away, so sad

A person in the building who as of today is officially a new client gave me a gift wrapped in paper that matched my shirt, we had a good laugh.

I worked my butt off doing multi-purpose Marnée jobs and finally filed my last deadline filing to CRA for 2020!!! That felt good. I was sad when Sean and Brett and Zoë left though as it was the last official office contact for the year. I am used to having a bevy at that moment with whomever is there. I received a text from Matt, my garbage man that there was something left for me and not to stub my toe. When I returned home there was a stack of parcels from Tupperware and the Carpenters as well as a special bottle from Matt. The gift from my Bella Bella friends was definitely Extra. I am in awe.

I stopped at the pet store to pick up a can of cat food to see if Missy will eat anything other than Fancy Feast. After that I met Ken and Ashley to take their photos for the Christmas collage. It was fun and they are my bubble for Christmas Eve which I am looking forward to. Stopped to get gas and discovered when I went in to but washer fluid that the Safeway gas bar sells milk! I needed some for the Christmas breakfast i am making.I had a coupon from groceries so my gas was under a buck a litre! Another Christmas miracle!

I got home and wished friends a happy Tibbs eve and was suddenly overwhelmingly verklempt. I reached out to Mark. I don’t usually because I know he suffers as I do but tonight I wanted to hear his voice and see his face. HE ANSWERED! Now we are talking a serious Christmas miracle. We texted and the FaceTimed for so long that I am now Tibbs drunk and have spent my time with a dear friend. I miss him so. Our inner children are good friends. It was so good to see his face and I hated having to say goodbye. I promised him I would be Maudlin as I have been enjoying the Crown Royal. I only promise you that I hope to have spelled and parsed well enough for you to understand and that I may read it over tomorrow but likely will not. It is. As it is. I shall take all my emotions and go get some sleep. Tomorrow I may or may not get much work done…. oh, I forgot to mention that Mark and I used to play Little Big Planet. I am Sack Girl and he is Sack Boy.

Awoke to winter having arrived with a vengeance. I could tell by the sounds or lack of as I opened my eyes, confirmation came when a friend commented on Facebook. I leapt up to look out and see a winter wonderland.

Missy so desperately wanted to go out but was clearly not impressed with what she found.

I geared up and went out to begin clearing everything. usually i clear my whole parking area but after an hour of trees, inflatables, tree, camper and walk, one space was all I had in me.

Off to work in my shoveling clothes, no make up but a great hat, hoodie and mask.

Pretty quiet today, especially with only Sean and I in our new wing. Somehow though with Dr appointment for prescription renewal, searching online for a few kitchen items and then a lovely FaceTime with Jackie, the morning was gone. It was so great to see her the same as I last did. I got her laughing with my light up had and then taking her to task for looking for sympathy by getting everything possible. She and I have always had a black sense of humour. I felt better seeing her. Jake picked up some Jaegermeister for her son, Reid for Christmas and will deliver it for me. It was the drink we shared with his mom.

I worked until it was time to run to Safeway and pick up my pills, grabbed all the makings for Christmas morning breakfasts and some takeout Chinese for dinner while I was there.

Headed back to the office to work on a file until it was time for the CCT Board meeting. It went well although I did find it odd that the show approved for May is a one woman show when I was told the show I was interested in directing wasn’t the best choice as it was 5 women, no men. Ah well, not the time. I will eventually direct again.

Good thing the meeting was on as the janitor, Jessica had accidentally locked her self out. I was the last one there to let her in. Came home with great intentions to get things done but basically got gifts organized that need to be given tomorrow. I had fun wrapping.

Also realized I was behind on my advent. Got an extra from Rae

I love the little cord guy!

Today was freaking amazing, until it wasn’t.

The love list:

• It snowed
• My new stove was delivered
• My cat comes when she is called more often
• I managed to get the community theatre books caught up and reports filed before the board meeting tomorrow
• I made some money
• I sold my old stove at half price to someone I think is great because he wanted to help out a family with 5 minions whose oven hasn’t been working for months but landlord wouldn’t fix.
• Sean took me to pick up my bypass doors for the kitchen that I have waited 4 months and 5 days for and even the manager at Home Depot cheered when she saw me.
• I was invited for leftover roast at Campbells which was delicious
• I brought Strawberry Rhubarb pie and it was delicious
• We played Trivia on Wii and it was fun
• I played tennis with Zoë on Wii and it was fun

The SHITE list:

• Spoke with Reid, my best friend Jackie’s son. She has been in a long term care home in Vancouver since stroking out after a brain aneurysm almost two years ago. There was a Covid breakout and she has tested negative for two weeks but was confirmed positive yesterday. She has COPD and lung cancer… they are keeping and treating her at the home as they say she will not survive going to the hospital and there she is with people who know her. We cried, we had a moment. He made me promise to look after myself and I made him promise not to lose me, no matter what, to stay connected. I am angry, I raged out loud driving home, I sobbed, I yelled that it wasn’t fair, She has served people her whole damn life. I called my mommy.

I finally watched Friday’s Mandalorian. I cried! It was just so great. I then wrapped my Grandson, Lukas’s 11th birthday present and took it over to him. Of course I got cheesy and said May the Force be with you, when I handed it to him and he guessed right away and was thrilled.

I was allowed to stay for homemade waffles that were pretty amazing and a perfectly distanced visit with Rae-Anne. It as good to put a tow over the line a bit. I needed to feel a bit normal. She sent me home with my stocking and presents.

The other day I read out of the Fancy Feast food that came with Missy so I went to Walmart and bought a different brand but when I opened the can the smell was not pleasant at all. I put it in the bowl anyway and a few minutes later saw her go to it, sniff it and then turn around and paw at the floor like she was trying to bury it. I couldn’t help but laugh so today I donated the other 31 cans to the lady who orchestrates pet rehoming. For the last couple hors Missy has been meowing to go outside but I am not staying up waiting for her to come back. If she would take shorter jaunts it would be ok.

Went to Home Depot and took back the left over plumbing bits and the shelf I had bought as I had a better idea. I have decided to do the trim in black but want to go back with a piece of the counter and backsplash to match it perfectly. I saw an amazing bench that I would love as an island but need to get everything else done first.

Got all my dishes done and made many more batches of three different snacks. It felt good to start getting the kitchen organized and from the sound of it my stove and panel doors will be arriving tomorrow! Yay! I would never have gotten so much done if it hadn’t been for Sean helping me out yesterday. I have only one roaster and needed to wash it between batches.

Shocki is the little unicorn I made for Emmy a while back and she asked if I could fix her as the arm (leg?) was coming off. I made time to fix and return her today. I am glad I did, she was so happy.

Back home to finish off a few more things and make a delicious dinner with the leftover Steelhead Trout from last night. Place still looks untidy but laundry and dishes are done and bathroom is cleaned. I also took the time tonight to convert a DVD to mp4 for the theatre Encore series. I need to make sure it works for the new year. Today’s advent was more fun stuff

Holy shmoly, what a day! Up in time for the Monthly ABC Zoom. There were technical difficulties to begin but once we were on the conversation flows easily and it is great to catch up. I sure appreciate the Woodman’s hosting from Santa Barbara. The poor Hearndens and Yau’s couldn’t stay long as they are 6 hours ahead and lockdown was a going into the next level at midnight. Linda had to get her gifts delivered or it would be too late. They are fortunate as a family to have their adult children and a spouse living with them although I suspect the house could feel small at times. I cut out a bit early as I needed to get my kitchen functioning again. I planned out everything I may need and went to Home Depot. Got all the ABS bits and then stopped at the Dollar Store to see if they had containers to give away treats in. I couldn’t believe I had to stand outside in line… at the Dollar Store! It was very Peoply out there today! I did find some cool flip top items to use. Will take a pic when I use them. Grabbed some beer and Sean came over with his tote of plumbing supplies to help. I just couldn’t get under the sink with my vertigo. We got it hooked up and I will even have bits to take back. It was very satisfying and I love the sink very much. Can’t believe I am excited about doing dishes! no I am very grateful to the rent a husband.

Missy shot out the door around noon and didn’t return in time for me to go to the Campbells for dinner etc. I had to trust she would return eventually. At least I had put her collar on her and it has a bell so I will know if she is around. I had, some time ago bought a large side of Steelhead Trout and thrown it in the freezer. That is what we had for dinner tonight with mushroom rice and brussel sprouts. So good! I don’t mind bringing the food when Sean or Diane turn it into a delicious meal to share together. While waiting for it to be ready, Zoë and I began the gingerbread train I had bought the other day. Once we had all eaten, the 5 of us jumped in their vehicle and headed out on the Reverse Christmas Parade. It was the first year and all in all the resulting money and donations made it a huge success. The App was a bit challenging but we spent an hour out enjoying the lights. We stopped at my place and I called Missy again and she came running nearly 9 hours out exploring! Thank goodness, I guess I can stop worrying about her now. She knows where home is.

Upon our return it was decided we needed to watch another Christmas movie so Die Hard 2 it was! I am not sure why my right hop is acting up but thankfully the cool floor was a good place to stretch out and calm the happy legs.

I got up in time to clear out the cupboards in anticipation of the plumber coming at 4 to put lines in for the water conditioner. Now there are even more piles of stuff on my floor rather than in the cupboard. Headed off to work and was gifted a delightful combo by Keri. She knows me so well already!

The Huggie she gave Layla is awesome and suits her so well.

Accomplished many little things again today. Enjoyed time with people in the office as many of them won’t be back until next year. It is a time of much to do but also a time to take pause and enjoy the season. It is also satisfying to assist people by taking some of the troubles off their hands. My caramel popcorn twists were a big hit. I came home to meet the plumber at 4 and he let me know he couldn’t do anything until January 12th but after I told him I had planned the installation to make it easy he offered to come on the 30th as Culligan will be here on the 31st. That is very nice as he had planned not to work that week. He said if my dishwasher arrives he will hook it up as well.

I went to Walmart to get cat food and on the way stopped at Rae’s to drop off some of the twists. Got to enjoy the Grands for a bit and then headed to the store. I needed butter, cat food and containers for snacks. I spent a good amount of time in the toy department looking for something for Zoë. Found a few small things that should make her happy. Diane FaceTimed and invited me for dinner. I picked up garlic knots and Caesar salad. Also got a water reservoir dish and collar for Missy. Haven’t tried to put the collar on her yet… she is very friendly now and I think she meows to go out when she has to go to the bathroom which is odd as she uses her litter box. The Brick called while I was shopping to say my stove is being delivered on Monday!! Yay! She called it a Christmas miracle but i laughed and said the miracle would be if my dishwasher arrived by the 30th.

Some of the toys out this year are very interesting. I think it was a missed market that Holiday Barbie 2020 isn’t wearing a mask! Nice dodge of trademark, Space Swords…

Dinner was delicious as always and Diane and I had out coolest game of Patchwork yet. She won by 7 buttons. It was a lot of fun. After dinner we watched that favourite Christmas movie, Die Hard, I didn’t remember a lot so it was all new. I liked it!

Came home to open my advents and watch young Sheldon. I enjoy it’s quirkiness. Must make some headway on my place this weekend so I can concentrate on files for the rest of the year. All in all a lovely day.

It is late and I am just beginning to write because for over an hour Missy has been outside exploring and I was not sure she was coming back. She shot out the door and went on and explore. Every 15 or so minutes I would go out and call her. Once she looked at me from across the street in my park and then kept going. I put her house outside in case she needed a safety and in case I had to go to bed. Finally well into the second hour she was there walking along my fence, hopped down and came inside to lay on the kitchen floor like it was chill. I guess I will have to respect that she likes to be out in nature like her previous owner told me. At least at this time of night there were no cars.

This morning started so lovely with a CFEK breakfast together in very distanced fashion from Hot Shots. Stuffed French Toast and mimosas along side a Chai Latte. So good!! I gave everyone the treats I’d made and Cindy had given each a lovely candle for our new offices. It set the mood for a lovely and productive yet relaxed day.

I like yesterday and today’s advent items, whimsy from one and practical from the other.

So many great moments in the day with clients and board members and getting things done. I took the time to do my Christmas cards for clients and some friends and family. That always makes me happy, sending something tangible. I love getting and sending cards. I called my plumber and straight up told him I felt like he had ghosted me once I asked about a new furnace. He was honest and said he did not like what the other plumber did across the street and couldn’t find a mobile home furnace that had a rebate on it. I said I was still interested and to please quote me on a new one before this one dies. Also I still need him to come hook up my fridge and plumb for the water softener. He thought it meant going under the trailer but when I explained everything he agreed to see when he could come. I got a text in the evening that he will come at 4 tomorrow but the earliest he can pull wrenches on the furnace is mid January. I am super ok with that!

the BEST part of my day was showing up for my scheduled time with Ashlée for my section of the family photos and finding Danika and Emmy as well as Danika’s boyfriend, Malcolm. The times had gotten mixed up but it was such a treat to get to have a few pics with Emmy as well. She was super happy to get to pose with my Jack character that i brought and I can’t wait to see how they turn out. We all laughed when it was Emmy’s turn to have photos alone as she started supermodel posing immediately. Her first pose cracked us all up so when they left I had to mimic it. I figure I nailed it!!

There you go Mrs H, made you laugh instead of cry xo

I then got to have a quick masked hug from Sawyer as their family was next for photos. Ash was doing a great job cleaning between everyone. Just before I left I got a message that my previous mother in law had died. I let the kids know as she was their Ada during a time when kids bond with grandparents and she was always lovely with them, no matter our relationship. I am sorry to hear the news and am glad to know my Ex, Lee was with her at the end. RIP Pauline Beauvais

I went back to work and finished off a file I had been working on all afternoon. I have much to do and it works best for me to finish off chunks. I also can do better concentrating when there is no one there.

I didn’t get home until late and I was hungry. I put an almond crusted fish fillet in the air fryer and had it along with an Asian salad. It was so delicious and took all of 10 minutes. Meanwhile I made caramel popcorn twists. I think these may be a new addiction!

Today had so many good things that it would be hard to pick my favourite. I started with a lovely message from my Mrs. H in Kent. A good day always starts that way!

I dropped off a gift for my friend Diana’s birthday and she also happens to be my granddaughter’s daycare provider. As I was leaving Danika pulled up and I got to have a mini visit with the lovely Miss Emmy.

There were good joking moments at work, I figured we confirmed our friendship when I hiked my shirt and pulled up my tights in front of Layla. She of course pointed out that I had had her check a mole on my back yesterday so that was probably the moment. And she still bought me lunch, lol! Sheila came in to get the bank deposit for the Theatre and we had a great mini visit. She gave some good advice as to how to raise the head of my bed properly.

It seemed that everything I did today including two payrolls had to do with the government; recording, reconciliant, reporting and remitting. It is very satisfying to get that off the list. It was also a day of investigating and learning. That’s also a good day when I walk away knowing something new to me.

At one point I got a text from my son, Jake, to call when I could, no emergency. In between files I called and we had such a good chat. He was calling to find out where best to get his car fixed but we chatted about so many things, catching up. I am sad he isn’t able to come for Christmas. I told him I had managed to send along his gift in the parcel from the girls and that if he didn’t like it he could tell me and gift it back for my birthday in April as I got him something I love. He said that was the Long Con but I pointed out that anything he got me could potentially inherit so that was the ultimate long con. We had a good laugh. It was so good to hear his voice.

I had just left work when Diane called and invited me to pizza night. We order individual size pizza from Papago and it is really good and a great deal. Pizza and a movie while my dishes went through her dishwasher was just the ticket. I brought a tote of dirty ones over. That’s what good friends do! We watched Ricki and the Flash with Meryl Streep and Rick Springfield directed by Jonathan Demme. Given the cast and the director I thought it should be pretty great. It was not. There were however a cast of incredible musicians that I hope were well compensated. It was okay, just not especially relatable and I think it tried to take itself too seriously. It was a Rick Springfield movie, not a Meryl Streep one. I liked watching them try though.

Came home to the Ms Mistletoe acting desperate to go outside. I really think that is what she meows about. I opened the door and she shot out. She wandered checking out the garden and after 5-10 minutes I called her in and she came running. It is probably good that it is cold out as she doesn’t wander far.

Sean has promised to help me plumb ready for the Culligan man on Monday should I not manage to get the plumber here in the next two days. We also, the Campbells and I plan to go do the reverse Christmas parade on Saturday night which will be fun.

I need to go to bed but am entranced by The Voice Finale and the artists who are guests.

I heard a knock on the door and there was masked up Lukas here to pick up his uncle Jake’s Christmas presents to go in the box Ashlée and Rae were putting together to mail today. Lukas was very happy to get to see the cat first. She peeked around a corner at him. I figured I had better get my Mom’s present in the mail as well so I headed off to Shopper’s. Got there around 9 and was 3rd in line. By the time I was done there was another 10 or more behind me, I was lucky for the timing. I also mailed some Christmas cards. The fun thing about that is putting US and International stamps on them. Isn’t it weird that the US isn’t considered International? I had a very productive day today with visits from clients and co-board members etc. I was able to just concentrate on one file and get it done in the afternoon which was satisfying as well. I really really really love my new office space. I want the whole world to visit and enjoy the vibe.

I did make time to put a message in What’s App group for ABCs to let them know about the medical stuff. I really have come to think of them as family and appreciate the love and support. I must remember to ask how Celia is doing with her Covid..

In telling the story I was able to touch base with the fear I had around my voice. As an actor and organizer and strong communicator who’s PTSD revolves around being silenced, it really scared me. I have had hands around my neck, been told my opinion doesn’t matter and was brought up pretty much that children should be seen and not heard. The day I found out my mother and sister had died when I was a baby I was told it happened a long time ago and to stop crying. I wanted to be heard but did not feel my voice had value. Now when I express myself too much, some would say, I ran the risk of not being able to actually speak. I am aware that the people from my childhood that I felt closest too were the ones who listened. Rosie, Uncle Bryan and Auntie Lynne, The Willoughbys and The Logans, my Nana and Grandad, Uncle Roland. There are others but those were the one’s I bonded to early.

I feel that sometimes this platform can run the risk of my becoming maudlin but it really does help me to express all the random thoughts. My brainstorms occur when there is too much and no outlet. That is the way it was at the end of October when I left the Firm once and for all. I was hurt that last day and couldn’t bear to deal with it so I let it fester. I became a victim of my own silence and depression could have silenced me forever. I feel like all things in my life are pointing to healing at the moment. I got in to see the specialists way faster than I ‘should’ have and found answers finally after all the issues for the last long while. I made the decision to ask if I could move offices with the rest of the crew and am so happy. I have set boundaries and accepted requests where I feel I am best needed. I have acknowledged to myself where my true friendships lie and cultivated them. I miss my far away friends, especially in Bella Bella and Kent. I wonder when I will ever see them again but also know that if I never did I would have been blessed to have known them. I must keep my eye on the sparrow. Life is not defined in the minutia of crankiness but in the bigger picture of being part of a great machine making things happen. Oh I am droning on now. I think it was all kicked in by going to do a mystery shop at my local Safeway and then deciding to do groceries where I ran into my old boss. We talked for a very long time in the aisles and it felt good. We are friends and I missed her long before I left. Maybe we will connect again. Safeway had some interesting Poinsettia

I came home and put the Atlantic Salmon and Shrimp Tourneda I had picked up in my air fryer. 15 minutes later I had perfectly done deliciousness.

While that was cooking I began making savoury and sweet batches of nuts and bolts snacks for gifts. I have an unholy mess and no sink connected yet but Thursday is the last day at work for many of my co-workers so I wanted to get it done. I will make more for others soon. Some is also for my friend Diana who is also Emmy’s daycare lady. It is her birthday tomorrow and I will be sure to drop some off in some festive Tupperware just for her.

I don’t know why I put things like this off as I really do enjoy it. Especially when it isn’t baking and i can experiment with what I have. Missy let me cuddle her more today. Good night.

I opened my advents and found another great decoration and deodorant. That reminds me of my cousins in Crescent Beach who always got toiletries in their stockings.

9 am was my appointment with the Ear Nose and Throat specialist. It began with a hearing test and the tech remembered me from last time a couple years ago as I have crazy good hearing. My friend, Diane nicknamed me Sonic and it fits. Forever I have had too good of hearing. I can be overwhelmed by sounds. They turn into feelings. I remember the first time I had a physical reaction. I was young in Williams Lake visiting my cousins and we went to a loud bar. The base line made my sternum vibrate and I couldn’t stay long. I have issues sometimes with the odd little sounds my grandson makes. It is like a tic for him but for me it is hard not to get anxious and desperately want him to stop. It is why I play music in order to concentrate at work so it will block out the other office sounds. If I am working in silence it surprises me when I realize it. This test came out the same, way above the base line for good hearing, especially at 57. She laughed and said, ‘Yes, you still have the hearing of a 20 year old”. Genetics are strange, I mean, I have burst one eardrum twice and still function at that level. I guess, if all else fails I will always have music and audio books.

Dr Mordan was very thorough. Once we were sure none of my inflammation problem was ears we moved on to a view down my throat. Spoiler alert, it was via a lighted tube through my nose and down my throat. It was a wee bit worse than the Covid-19 test for sure but not terrible. He did see that the inflammation is around my voice box and it is caused by the Hernia. There is no permanent damage though which is a huge relief and it explains the need to swallow a lot in the morning especially and how my voice wears out when stressed or exerting myself. I asked if I needed to lose weight, quit drinking alcohol and coffee. He was so kind in saying that if I wanted to lose weight it could help with the Acid Reflux but ultimately if I continue to take the medications and raise the head of my bed it will help immensely. Not necessary to cut out completely but lower coffee and alcohol intake and try not to eat or drink 3 hours before bed. I can do that.

He also dealt with the vertigo, positioning me in a way that kicked it in to confirm his feeling that it was caused by the crystals in my ear being in the wrong place, likely caused by the concussion and never having settled into the right spot. For some reason raising my arms kicks it in as well. That’s why I am having such a hard time completing my plumbing under the sink. Tried again tonight but had to quit before I could get it done. I have been referred to a physiotherapist who specializes in vertigo treatment here in Cranbrook and was able to get in January 4th which is great.

I really am so happy to find out there is no permanent damage as I have lost two friends to esophageal cancer and it was not pretty. I have always wanted an adjustable bed….

Got a lot done in my comfie new office. Clients are really liking it and feel good about coming there. It was so lovely to have the sunlight coming in and my plants are growing like crazy already. Confirmed Christmas plans with Ashlée and with Sean and Diane. Am starting to look forward to it. came home and did a little plumbing and then settled on the couch as it feels like today took a bit out of me. Got all the Christmas cards I could find done and will need to get some more tomorrow to finish the ones that are important to get done.

Jake’s Plan B Christmas present arrived today just in time to make it in the parcel from his sisters. The Plan A was only going to work if he was driving up for vacation. Just in the nick of time I am able to send it along.

A day late but I lingered in bed with a coffee and watched the Mandalorian before getting busy working on my kitchen. I found some of the tiles not sticking well and a bit crooked so I redid them. When I moved one of the outlets it sparked at me and I had already had issues with them only working in one outlet, not both so I turned off the power, replaced or retired where necessary. When I turned the juice back on they all worked as they should. It is very satisfying to work with electrical and plumbing. I made sure the tile was done past the sink.

My advent was interesting again, but I must say the link my high school classmate sent me to Swarovski Crystal Star Wars items left me drooling.

Another friend cracked me up by suggesting the helmet should come with a man for me. I actually really like the Death Star so if anyone is looking for something to get me…. 😉

I was nearly late for the last Visit with Santa session because I had the power off and wasn’t really paying attention while tiling…. Again, it was so much fun and I enjoyed the time with Ash and Thom. All and all we made around 40 kids and quite a few adults very happy. I was happy to find out that this was Trevor Lundy’s idea. He left with a bombed out bridge from the theatre but he was still a big part of it’s success.

My 3 year old granddaughter, Emmy was one of the visits today and she cracked me up, especially when asked if she had been good. What a face!

When we were done I met Rae and we went for a walk. It wasn’t long before she let me know the decision had been made that Bill and Deanne would spend Christmas morning at Rae’s house and I would get together some way with Ken and Ashlée. I don’t think I had a very good reaction. I wanted to, I wanted to say that is a great choice, I am cool with it but I had an emotional gut reaction to being the only single and not getting to spend time with the kids. It’s not Fucking fair but it is what it is and I shouldn’t be any more special than anyone else in this stupid Covid world. I will be fine, I just wasn’t for a bit.

I came home and tried to connect the sink and tap set but didn’t get very far as I was experiencing vertigo when I raised my arms under the sink. I see the specialist tomorrow to begin a new barrage of tests. Hope we can narrow it down. Soon I will have a functional sink again which will help to get rid of the cooler full of dirty dishes!!

9 months have gone by since we became fully aware of Covid-19 and isolations and shutdowns began. 9 months, enough time to grow a human. That really puts things in perspective. I had a lot of time to think about things today. And nothing made me sad. That is a great thing.

I woke to my alarm out of a dead sleep, 9.5 hours after hitting the pillow. I guess I needed that! Missy was suspiciously quiet and when I went to the kitchen I found she may have been planning to kill me. I am grateful she didn’t get hurt.

The first part of my day was spent being Santa’s helper again. I sent links to friends as we had space and was wonderfully happy that Cole and Quinn from Bella Bella, and Trinity from Whitehorse were able to have turns zooming with Santa. I knew them before they were born and it was tears upon seeing them again. Quinn now thinks I work with Santa, lol. I love the Santa in my Neighbourhood.

More fun things in my advents and a cool gift from Danika

In the afternoon I headed to Fernie for a Mystery Shopper gig. It was a beautiful drive and the roads were bone dry. The snow on the mountains and the clouds hanging like crowns on them made for an incredible experience. Once I got there I did the tobacco assessment and the young man at the counter passed with flying colours. I had to stop and take a photo.

I decided to go completely outside my comfort zone and text my client who feels like a friend that lives somewhere between Fernie and Cranbrook. She gave me her address and 20 minutes off the highway in gorgeous Koocanusa I arrived to have tea and a great visit. Stacey is a lovely human who does not bond often with any living thing and yet she has become my friend. I am honoured and grateful for that.

She had this crazy plant that is an emerald palm or some such.

On the way home I pulled over and started the live stream of the CP Holiday Train on my phone so I could listen to the music on the way. As I was listening I passed through Jaffray which is one of the stops we usually go to to see the train come through and then race back to Cranbrook to see it there as well. There was a beautifully festive house I just had to take a picture of, right across from where it usually stops.

The snow was softly floating down and good music was playing. I arrived back in Cranbrook, let everyone know I was back safe, fed Missy and headed over to Sean and Diane’s for a movie. I know I broke the rules stopping to see Stacey but I was careful and as a client she comes to my office so I couldn’t really see the difference. I did sanitize and kept relative distance. We watched ‘Blue Iguana’ and I liked it, although it is hard to watch a movie when we stop for one reason or another every 15 minutes! Sam Rockwell made up for that though! I enjoyed hanging with my Framily.

And then I got home and stepped in a pile of… I’m not sure what end it came out of from the cat. Seriously, she had to have been uncomfortable. Maybe stress clogged up. I hope so, because if something is really wrong with her.. The good thing is she did it on the door mat and I was able to clean it up and throw it in the wash. Then I sat and let her come to me so she would know I was ok with her.

Watched a few more episodes of ‘A Million Little Things’ I am beginning to get attached to the characters.

I got to work with a lovely lady today and that started my day off great. Well, That and my advents as always. It was also Fabulous and Festive Friday so of course I had to wear my favourite seasonal sweater.

There was still a lot of moving and settling going on in the space and after Liana left I hung my pictures and finished my office.

I was so excited when I got the call from The Brick that my fridge was available. They would be delivering it some time after 2. I got what I needed to done at work and then went to 1st Street Appliances whom I had bought my current fridge from and asked if they would like to come pick it up. They said yes which saved me having to deal with it and when The Brick guys showed up they brought it out first. It really is amazing how they hook up the strap to their harnesses and bring in appliances. It was too big for the rental truck they were using though so they had to lay it down which meant I couldn’t plug it in right away. It just exactly fits the space and I am thrilled with it. I gave the drivers big chocolate bars as a tip.

While the door was open, Missy got out. She went down the stairs, freaked out a little that she didn’t recognize anything and ran back in. Phew!!

Once I got all the food loaded I headed to the studio as I was in charge of Zoom for Cranbrook Community Theatre’s visits with Santa. It was so much fun! Thom was fantastic, Ashlée and I worked together smoothly and the kids loved it. My grandson Sawyer was hilarious both times he got to call in. My favourite was when he explained Iron man is old like his Dad. I can’t wait until tomorrow to do it again

I got home and found the fun picture that was taken last week at the Ground Floor was posted on line. It is a lot of fun.

I had to have a tough talk with someone this evening but am grateful for the way it went. At risk of hurting relationship some times things have to be faced head on. I am glad for people who hear the truth and back me up.

And I may ask Sawyer to come live with me 🙂

Got fun stuff in my advents again today. The Nightmare Before Christmas tree is really getting decorated now. Unlike my actual tree. Seems that the chaos I am living in right now has stalled me on getting much more done. I walked in the door and felt like I was in an opening episode of Hoarders. It’s not dirty or smelly or dangerous, just crowded and messy. Too many things on the go. Diane has offered her and Zoë to come over and decorate the tree. I said when I get more things done and out of the way I may take them up on it.

After getting things done for a couple clients this morning I logged off all electronics and started moving from my current office to another within the complex. It is bigger and has a South facing window which will make all the difference to my physical and mental health. It took hours to get everything moved and set up. All that is left is to bring over the pictures on the walls. It was such a great team effort as 4 of us moved. I really like working along side these human beings!

At the end of the day I texted Diane this picture of her husband and told her I was coming over for dinner, lol. We got A&W of all things and watched Midnight Run which I had never seen before. De Niro was so young! It was a lovely evening and I came home to a cat who missed me apparently.

I sort of resemble the yard art that caught my attention this morning with it’s frosty pattern and shock of hair