07-22-26 smoke sky
In spite of not the greatest sleep, I woke up, feeling rather on the upside of things. I had a productive day, including going and paying for the internment and watering at my friends, which was fortuitous timing as the mail lady arrived for me to sign for a passport. I had good meetings in office with two different clients.
And yet in the evening, almost on schedule now I experienced what must be some kind of panic attack. I find myself struggling for breath and obsessively thinking that I need to talk to someone, but I don’t want to talk to anyone. It’s a horrible tight rope. Unfortunately at the moment the thing that solves it, the easiest is alcohol. And snacking has become almost obsessive. I tried to buy apples and fruit, and I eat through them and then want to make popcorn or eat chips. It’s just a constant need to be ingesting something
I want to refrain from an overuse of alcohol, quit smoking again, and get rein on the weight gain it all seems just impossible right now, but I have to remind myself that it has still been less than a month since I lost my mom’s.
It was nice today to receive part of the inheritance and be able to pay off some high interest debt that I have been carrying
The smoke is thick, changing the colour of the air. My yard lit up in red as the sun burns through.
triumphgal 