triumphgal

There was nothing about this day that made me want to wake up. During the night every time I barely came out of REM sleep I was doing the same bookkeeping entry over and over and over so I kept going back and back to sleep. When I eventually woke up I had a message from my dear friend Mary Lynn on Salt Spring and we called and talked each other. It was so good to hear her voice, it was so good to know what is happening in her life directly, right now. It is somewhat weird to have a friend who is not on Facebook, someone who you have to actually ask the questions and hear the answers and communicate with. I do love that about us, our old school relationship. I was left to feel somewhat grateful for being rem Ed from all that is SSI right now.

I watched a movie, The Half of It and it was charming, a take on Cyrano de à Bergerac. I went out and worked on the yard again A bit before going to Home Depot to source out fencing. There are lots of option, none just what I hope for. With the frost heaving here fences are a challenge.

When I returned I hooked up my new y and hose, brought all the arts of Jackie’s table in and put it together. I have so many amazing memories of being at her home when her husband and daughter were still alive and her son was visiting and we’d all sit around the table and play crib and have great dinners and when my son-in-law’s brother died he and his sister and their spouses came over and sat around that table and cried and drank and mourned. I was so grateful when Reid, her son, agreed that after her brain aneurysm when she had to give up her household that I could have the table. Our mutual friend, Barb brought it t La. La Hache, where I picked it up and brought it home and will treasure it for always.

I spent the rest of the evening puzzling and watching a movie The Lovebirds which is a funny little romcom sort of and now I will try to get some sleep as I go back to work tomorrow

I had an alarm set to wake and be ready for my Zoom visit with the ABCs. Part of me didn’t want to as I wasn’t up to small talk and part of me wanted to as I needed uplifting things in my life. I am glad I did. We were fewer than last time but it was a good nearly 2 hours of conversations about our rememberance of the trip, books and politics. Unfortunately the Bs couldn’t make it and I am concerned about the Yau’s young one who has ended up in hospital.

After that I sorted out all my parcels and mail, started laundry, delivered Tupperware to Danika and even had a squeeze of Emmy.

I went and borrowed a shovel from Rae-Anne and Roger and must admit that after all that has gone down I am only guessing they went to her Dad’s cabin as no one seems to be in town and I am sad about that. I am very grateful to my neighbour across the street, Tracey, who looked after everything while I was gone. Her 14 year old granddaughter broke both arms crashing her bicycle. Without a helmet, there is much gratitude that that is all that happened. My love also goes to my friends, the Campbells. They have welcomed me into their lives with gusto and Diane checks in on me regularly. Her Video calls keep me on my toes as I sometimes forget I am laying naked on my bed, lol. I am blessed by the friends and family I have.

I remembered to update my calendar with all the things that were planned including my Crown Prep which was supposed to happen months ago but my dentist was at the conference that someone ended up succumbing to Covid-19 after so he had to quarantine and then we all did. I will be grateful to get it done while I still have benefits.

I spent the better part of the afternoon making a bit of a landscape plan and planting all the bushes and plants I brought back with me. It was satisfying work and I hope they all take.

I am designing the front of my house to have a MC and Car carport and fence to close off the yard so there is no liability with the pool and more privacy. I will have to price out the timbers and already may have enough metal roof left from the house job which would be awesome.

While I was puttering today I really tried to process throught the death of Jen Quesnel. I know that I related it to my cousin’s death and seemed to have sympathy for the situation…. I was wrong.

My second and third marriages were abusive. Probably anyone who knows me couldn’t imagine me suffering abused wife syndrome but it is sneaky and I came to believe it was all my fault, that I deserved it. The 2nd one I only managed to leave when I felt he was threatening my children and mother bear kicked in. I hid from him and have not seen him in 28 years. I will admit to occasionally still looking over my shoulder. The 3rd one left finger prints around my neck, tried to get custody of my son (not his), cost me 18K+ and then after 14 years and 11 months agreed to divorce me once I agreed to drop over 11K child support he owed me.

I tell you all of this to understand that I should be the one calling it as it is but along the way even I felt somehow I had got what I deserved. I defaulted to trust. I trusted that what they thought of me was true. It was not. I am far, so fucking far, from perfect but I am a good, kind, loving human doing the best I can and most days that’s pretty good. I wanted to believe that they were not the bad men they turned out to be. How could they be? That would mean I had no radar for bad in my relationships.. somehow I still feel that we just didn’t get it right, they were not wrong.

AND THAT my friends is where this whole thing has gone wrong. My cousin was murdered, Jen Quesnel was murdered, friends of mine have been hurt and abused and mistreated in a myriad of ways as I was. These were not good men. They didn’t turn bad along the way. They were bad in their core. They must have been to have done the things they did to another human being, nevermind claiming it in the name of love. That is not love, I will not accept that that was love. I know better now but I feel it is too late for me. I don’t know how to default to trust again. They took that from me.

I pray that the community affected by this horror will value the love that is real in their lives, build on those relationships and honestly look in the mirror. If you do not see yourself as a person who is loved and cherished in your relationship, hell if you are reading this and recognize that you don’t love and cherish your partner as you should… GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!

Don’t be the next person. I personally am stunned that in less than three years I know two people who have been outright murdered by the person who should have loved them most. That is a bad statistic.

I am here for you, others are here for you. It doesn’t feel like it. You hope it will get better and you don’t want someone to hold it against your partner…. I get it. The alternative is far worse than a few awkward family dinners. Reach out, run away, find me, find someone, go anywhere and ask for help. You are worth it.

I slept and every time my eyes opened I would say ‘no’ and fall asleep again until I finally felt like I had had enough sleep to survive the day. I got up and started to organize things and headed upstairs where Rosie made me a delicious poached egg breakfast which I always think of her and perfect poached eggs. I spent time talking to uncle Brian about being apologetic for not remembering his heart surgery off the top of my head. Things like that scare me as I know that I must have known but if someone asked me did your uncle have a quadruple bypass I would say no. I can’t even truly begin to explain how amazing it was staying with these three people as they have known me since I was two and a half years old. They are my stepmother‘s family but in so many ways they have just been my core family growing up and as an adult I choose them as my people. It was so great to finally spend time with them in their new home I can’t even believe it’s this long since I saw them last. It seems impossible that there’s anything that I don’t know about them or they about me. I packed up all my stuff and took a few pictures, took a salmonberry plant with me and said goodbye. Not far away from their place is a kind of farmers market garden place and I saw that they had plants in the garden center on sale so I pulled in and spent a bit of time there picking out a whole bunch of plants for my place all 20% off and even if that did just bring them to regular price I’m happy to support a small market business. The drive felt long but I listened to Talking with Strangers and it’s incredibly interesting and well done in the way it ties together so many events in the world over so many different periods. It engages my brain, my curiosity, my need to think. I still have about 40 minutes left once I got home and will listen to it because it will wrap it all up. I pretty much just drove and listened to that. I stopped in Golden for my cotton candy ice cream and a coffee because I was feeling sleepy and continued on. After a while in the distance I saw something on the side the road and it looked like a cub sized bear so I pulled over and took a picture and then as I swung my phone to follow it I realized there were three cubs in the tree that I could see and they are small, like not even a foot and a half size so that must have been the mama. They were super cute and I managed to take some pictures and a video and just enjoy the moment. I have never seen little tiny bear cubs in the world and I’m glad that I was able to pull over safely and let all the traffic go by and they have no idea what they missed and then not a lot further down the road near radium was mountain sheep or goats. I don’t know, animals with horns walking across the road so I did manage to take a quick picture and break the hands-free rule and then head on home. the closer I got the happier I was and also the Satisfaction because it really was wonderful to be surrounded with all the love I had the last couple days but wouldn’t you know I had barely pulled in and was messaging people to say that I was safely home when Diane texted me to get together for dinner. As it was nearly 9 o’clock by the time we were making a plan we just got her stepson to go pick us up A&W and we played four handed crib for a few hours and it was lovely. it was just more family time and I appreciate it a lot and now I’m home and in my own bed with no alarm and black out curtains and my love tank is full even though it was so severely drained at the beginning of the week and I am grateful for all that I am and all that I have including you dear readers xoxo

I didn’t sleep very well or long and in the brightness of the early morning I decided to just get out of bed. I didn’t feel well at all though and I just sat on the couch dejected after realizing I had forgotten the crochet hook. I brought my blanket to finish. Rosie managed to find one I could work with. Eventually after watching the news and having a light breakfast I decided to head back to bed for a while. A couple hours later of tortuous brain defragging I got showered and dressed and went outside. Uncle Bryan and Auntie Lynne were puttering away at the landscaping and gardening. Having finished this place last year this is the first spring they’ve had to work on it and it is coming along beautifully. We used my Insect identifier app to try and deduce what is happening with the plum trees. There is a Neighbour cat, Max, who comes to visit regularly.

When I went back in Rosie agreed to shellac polish my nails for me as I had brought my supplies. This is not her thing but she did an amazing job and they look and feel great! I’m surprised as we kept laughing every time my belly turned on the dishwasher.

Then I was ready for rest and distraction again so we thought we’d go on her Shaw Bluecurve and sign in to my Crave to watch a movie. You should have seen our stunned faces and then uproarious laughter as we realized we signed her up for it on their bill instead. We watched Wizard of Lies about the Madoff ponzi scheme. I was aware when it was happening it not the whole story. Really quite incredible. Rosie went and picked up fish and chips, num! She and I then watched the Normal Heart with Mark Ruffalo and Julia Roberts. A good look at the fight for acknowledging the devastation of AIDS in the early 80’s

That was not uplifting, we should have chosen comedy.

I was honestly stunned when I noticed Uncle B’s chest zipper scar. Rosie told me all about his quadruple bipass at the end of 2018. I am sure I would have had to know about it. I have no recollection. Just relieved he is all better now.

I tried to stay off social media as much as possible today as when I checked in, there are some issues. SSI is grieving and differences happen then.

I finished the crocheted part of my blanket and now need to finish tucking in ends and block it out. It is big and heavy! Now I must rest as I will drive home tomorrow. I can’t believe how this stay here was so good for me. To be with loving family when you get bad news really helps.

I am doing better. Everything’s gonna be okay

I wanted to share the beauty of the day, I awoke to a beautiful breakfast, after preparation of snacks i was on the road to head from Blind Bay to Lac La Hache. my mission for this journey was to meet a friend from Salt Spring Island who was bringing a box of paperwork from a client and the dining room table of my friend Jackie that holds so many memories. This province is simply stunning. It deserves it’s motto of Beautiful BC. It was relaxing and I was entertained by listening to the Audible recording of Canadianity. I even laughed out loud a few times. It was good for the soul. I even found a moment when I had to pull over and take a video

I made it there and couldn’t spend much time. It was happy to see Barb and her gorgeous dog before I loaded up and headed back. I was once again lost in the beauty of the surroundings and starting to feel better again. I even stopped for an ice cream

I had just finished passing the same spot outside Savona and found myself amused when I saw a train now coming in the opposite direction of the video when I saw a message flash up from a dear friend that Matt Steffich had died. I was half way across a bridge and managed to hold down the feeling that I needed to vomit until I could safely pull over. I sat there and sobbed at the loss. He had had a heart attack at his studio and I only hope it was sudden and quick. This man has been one of the kindest people I have ever met. He was one of the first people that befriended me when I moved to Salt Spring Island as a single mom in 1995. He had this home that he invited me to to share his teepee, his hot tub, his life, his friends, his music, his j’ois de vive. One day I popped in to visit his art gallery which was then called Thunderbird and my eyes must have lit up at the new pendants he had for sale. He took one look, asked me which I loved best and hung it on his office wall telling me to pay whatever I could until it was mine. When I left to come on this road trip I thought of the pain my fellow Salt Springers were feeling and put on my Salt Spring heart as I have always called it.

Since I heard the news I have been clutching it. When I met him he played with a band called Three Chord Sloth, usually entertaining us at The Vesuvius Inn. Neither of those things exist any longer but when I was leaving Salt Spring in 2010 Matt pulled together the guys to play my going away party at my brothers and of course sang a little Hank Williams just for me.

One of the gifts Matt gave me was the love of Scotch, My Dad tried to get me to love it and he crashed his plane and died in 2004. That year in October, my Dad’s birth month, Matt had a Scotch tasting party at his gallery and I attended only to find that I like really top shelf. Since then I have always bought an expensive bottle to remember my Dad on the anniversary of the crash, Father’s Day and his birthday. June 3rd will now also be a day I drink in remembrance of the good men in my life.

I woke up and tried to process the events of last evening as I got things ready at home and packed my car and proceeded to head out. I have taken banked overtime for the rest of the week in order to meet friends from Salt Spring Island in Lac La Hache BC as they have brought some important paperwork and a table that was my dear friend Jackie‘s and will now be in my dining room. What started out as a plan for an enjoyable trip across the province after all of this at home time has now become a trip of sorrow thanking of all the people that are hurting from the terrible event last night. As the day went on it became clear that the news was out and more and more people were reaching out to me to find out who it was. I tried to respond with only the facts that I knew and not read anything into it as it’s not my story. As I drove towards Blind Bay where I am staying tonight I avoided the radio and social media, choosing to listen to an audible book. I chose Canadianity so I would be entertained and distracted. As it happened I was distracted by road conditions and calls from clients who didn’t know I wasn’t at work and I was happy to help them. I am fortunate to be able to see the software in my head and talk them through what they needed to do on my hands-free connection. As I drew near to uncle Bryan & Auntie Lynne and Rosie‘s new house which I have never seen before I pulled over and suited up in my new rain poncho and mask and some gloves and showed up at their door that way so that I could get big hugs from them. Their new house is so beautiful as they built a co-owned shared style duplex with stunning views of the lake. We had a lovely dinner together and great conversations. it was just so good to be with them again. I am tired now and doing this voice to text on my cell phone but I mostly just wanted to say how grateful I am for the love and support from family and friends and that my heart is with those who are suffering the terrible loss in the small community on Salt Spring Island.

I wanted to write about all the great things that happened in this day, the eve of my vacation time. I wanted to keep the great feeling I had after an exhausting day of payroll for so many companies that was improved by an invitation to the office for a bevie after work to celebrate tax season officially being over. I wanted to keep smiling after the strata board meeting in my yard followed by jello shooters my boss sent home with me. I wanted to just be grateful that my daughter’s trip to emergency and a cat scan showed nothing horribly wrong. I wanted to make lists and pack and be excited that I had managed to arrange a client’s paperwork to be brought to Lac La Hache from Salt Spring where I am going to pick up a table from my dear friend Jackie and that Jake’s missing bed slats will be brought there by me to connect with him in Vancouver. It all seemed to be a perfect day…

and then I received horrible news about friends on Salt Spring Island. This is a community I lived in for 15 years. The place where both my son and i grew up in many ways. My heart still thinks of it as home. I don’t know all the details and I don’t want to spread tales until they are public, official news. I don’t want this to be about me, but I am sitting here, triggered (God I hate that word but it is the easiest way to explain it) by the events that unfolded there this evening. What I have learned reminds me of the murder suicide in my family. I lost my cousin Kelly when her husband Roger out of fear of losing her killed her and then himself. That was the wild fire summer of 2017. I wonder how similar the Covid Spring of 2020 is to many. Evacuation, isolation, fear of loss and the unknown. Some minds just snap. The final action does not undo the love for the person who clearly loses their mind even for a split second.

My heart is heavy, my tears are for all my community and I wish we could be together and hug and grieve.

I am Salt Spring xoxo

I awoke too early after last night to the sound of all three of my children’s text tones. Seems we had a group text going to inform us all that poor Jake with his very loaded vehicle got away early to head west but got a flat tire not even three hours away outside Castlegar. Because it was a rental he called and the mechanic was going to take a while. It was pouring rain so he just sat in the vehicle and waited. The guy came, put a bunch of his stuff including the dresser and bed frame out in the rain as it turns out the spare is under the passenger side rear seat… and then the special lug nut key was not in the vehicle and on and on it went. When all was said and done he lost 6 hours of his travel time and a dresser that didn’t survive getting soaked, nor would it fit back in (no Tetris Mom to help). It made for a crazy long day for him and I was glad to get notice that he was finally in Vancouver. Now he will have to deal with the rental company for recompense.

I watched a Gravity and Hell or High Water (both entertaining ) and then convinced myself to work on the last two personal tax returns I had committed to. They were interesting as the prior overdue one was an Ontario one and they have different tax than BC. Had to look everything up, not to miss anything. And suddenly it was time to go for dinner. My first husband (the girl’s dad) and his wife were having us over for a goodbye bbq for the French exchange student, Com who has been here through the whole isolation. And that completed the 12 person immediate family bubble although with Jake and Com gone, we are back to 10. It was hard when the max gathering was 6, lol.

Dinner was delicious including strawberry, raspberry and rhubarb pie, but my stomach has been off today. No surprise for me as I lost sleep.

The yard pretty much survived the storm although the trees are weighed down with the rain. The flowers are pretty though.

I woke up early which was annoying. I like to get at least two hours extra on weekends to feel rested. I puttered and then decided it was sit and crochet time before it got too hot. Really shouldn’t have started a blanket when I did. I melt with it on my lap as I piece it together. Today’s movie was ‘Traffic’ Wow, 20 years old, so many stars and just a great glimpse into the cartel/political world of drugs. There was no wrap it up, happy ending. I really liked it.

When it was done, I did my dishes and was pleased that Zoe came over to get Old Man Jake, the gnome in my garden for her collection. I jumped on my bike and headed over to help Jake who really doesn’t know how to Tetris a life into a car or in this case, a rental minivan. As I have done these long distance moves around the province a few times now I spent a couple hours helping him. We unloaded what he had already done and when we were finished there was a double bed including mattress, a dresser, desk chair, 6 totes, 2 suitcases, a bunch of electronics and appliances, wall art, floor lamp, guitar and more!!!!

He sent me home with a bunch of things from his fridge and cupboard, a chair and some other treasures followed in Roger’s truck later. It is not good-bye as he will be back soon to get the last carload. Glad I decided I wanted to expand my bubble as just the immediate family I interacted with today numbered 9!

Came home and had a small relax before the whole clan arrived for a pool party and BBQ. It was so awesome to have kid hugs again! We had ridiculously good food and great fun. They all left and I tidied up , did dishes and then sat by the fire in the calm of the evening. I stayed out there until it burned down to ashes , put the screen cover on it and came in. It was nice but the air is pregnant. I do believe the storm forecast. Before I came in I made sure everything was secured, the lawn furniture was under the gazebo and the pool cover was securely over all the floaties.

Chose a shorter movie as I crocheted and waited for the place to cool down and it was charming. A Secret Love which is a documentary about a player in the women’s baseball league that A League Of Our Own was based on. A testiment to love and commitment, worth the watch.

When it was over I settled to write this and before I got far the noise began and then the place shuddered. I couldn’t believe how fast the storm moved in. I had to run and close the windows in living and dining room. I was videoing when I noticed the wind had brought the fire back to life so I ran and threw a bucket of water on it. Probably need not have as the sky opened up a minute later. Dare say the gardens got watered tonight! Tremendous thunder and lightening and wind whipped up . At 11:47 I heard the first boom of thunder and now it is 12:59 and still going on but moving away from the sounds of it. It does so echo in the area it is hard to tell.

I have my camper trailer set up and was worried the tarp may have blown off and then I noticed the cover and all things once floating on the pool were gone so I put on a rainjacket, grabbed a flashlight and in my jammies ran out to take care of everything. All inflatables were trying to escape the yard. A tarp had come loose and things were blown around that I didn’t expect. I got it taken care of enough for tonight and came back in. I am really glad I took down my hanging baskets, I doubt they would have survived it. I will rehang and secure them better tomorrow.

I did a live feed to Facebook while it was really bad but in the dark didn’t even notice the camera was facing me but the sound was great and the reflection on my glasses was cool. Was fun to have friends in at least 4 parts of the world share the experience with me. Gosh it is still thundering.

I am a little jacked up from the rush so will try to get some sleep now. Sweet dreams

Today was topsy turvy, getting desk work done and then heading to the office to spend other people’s money, writing cheques for remittences etc.

I enjoyed taking time to visit a bit at the office, as I was masked, it was good. I don’t want to make anyone nervous until we get this inflammation thing solved even if I was working there when it began. I moved a load of my office stuff home. I think that is discomforting to at least one co-worker.

After talking to my boss we agreed it would be ok for me to use banked time to take the afternoon off. I came home and had some lunch and then texted Diane who replied promptly that they were on the way to get me to drop me at the shop to pick up my Motorcycle!

I paid, and waited until they brought it around front. Popped off down the highway and immediately noticed my speedometer and odometer were not working. I headed straight back to learn that they think it is my unit not the cable although it is broken too. Somewhat frustrated… I just took the part and willl deal with it. I use the Odometer as a gas gauge so beside not having proper mileage on the bike there’s that inherent risk. The caliper mount is fixed though.

Stopped and had a great boulevard visit with Rae-Anne and then the boys and Ashlée. I decided to hug them while I had my riding gear on and it was great. Also stopped at Diane’s to do the same, hug her and Zoe which made my heart full.

I forgot that before I left I had put ribs in the crock pot and when I opened the door Oh my, the husband is a good cook! It smelled delicious. Hey if the hubby is a squat appliance that can cook ribs, I am good with that.

After a dinner of corn on the cob and ribs, Jake came by. He is moving to Vancouver on Sunday. I understand why but will miss him desperately. We had a great visit as he looked throught the envelope of memories I had compiled from my sorting. We had a good laugh at his report card with failing grade in math as he is now a bookkeeper. I really do wish him the best. I was the same age when I left this town and my daughters age 2 & 5 with their Father. I can only give advice from experience, not judge.

He dropped me off at Diane and Sean’s and I immediately fell into her arms with a sob. It matters more than I was allowing to feel. I enjoyed my visit with them. It was so nice to be in someone elses house for the first time in 78 days, sitting around a table and talking and drinking, so great!

After I got home I remembered it is my dear friend Nigel’s 64th birthday in the UK tomorrow so I rewrote the words to When I’m 64 to suit him, sort of sang it into a video and posted to his Facebook as my night is his early morning.

What a great up and down day. The pool is full and warming although only up to 15 last time I checked.

Today started out with my desire to recommit to walking/fitness. This was not a good month after doing so well in March and April. I am going to try to start June off with 10K a day for the first week and take it from there. 5 days at a time, don’t need to do 7.

Was struggling already to concentrate on work when there was a knock at the door and it was Gene. He is my oldest grandchild, named after my Father who crashed his float plane and died in 2004. In 2007 Gene was born and I cannot fathom that he will be 13 in less than three weeks! I managed to get to Cranbrook just hours after he was born and there was so much joy.

He rode here on his bike to mow my lawn, weedeat and help set up the pool! What a kid, made my month. He was cheery and helpful, we even moved a plant to have the pool in a more private, sunny spot, at least three feet east of last years position, ha-ha. It will take a long time to fill now and warm up but it is good timing with the hot temperatures expected. We had a great visit and it seems that since we stood close last he had grown taller than I! At the last moment before he left we had a good long hug, my second one in all these days.

Ashlée brought me a grocery and beverage run and hung out on the hammock with us for a while and then made a run to my work for some papers and a frozen yogurt stop. It was almost like real life again. We talked about having a bring your own everything BBQ on Saturday for family only and using my projector to show a movie on the outside wall. Will have to see what the weather does. It is soon the shortest night of the year. It is only just dark now and it is 10:20 pm.

I spent time tonight taking a Payroll Knowledge Evaluator. I don’t have any designations and it would go a lot further in my world if I did. There were a lot of questions that I would not have to deal with in real life as the software is there to calculate and other options to double check. There were only 26 questions with 2 hours to complete so you can imagine they were not easy. I had a wide range of success but for not studying nor doing much in federal world any more I am happy. Funny I got so high on the 2nd level.

Payroll Compliance Legislation 41% ( I alway look every thing up in case it changed or I don’t remember it properly)

Payroll Fundamentals 1 59%

Payroll Fundamentals 2 94%

Not bad for an accidental career although I can’t believe this honour roll girl is even sharing these scores!

Today is the day they told me to stay completely home until. I did go out one day but avoided everyone. I rather have the hang of this, don’t want to go back to my cramped office where anyone who comes in my door is 2 feet away and there is no air circulation. Having control of my own environment has been safety for me. I know the time is nearing though and discussions must be had. I have to decide if I am going back or going to move on and officially rehang my shingle. I have had my own business since 1994 when I was a single Mom who needed a work from home gig. I began with bookkeeping, created brochures and websites (under the name Surf This) and any other creative needs. Thus Printed Matter Services was born. PMS, specializing in getting and keeping you balanced. I didn’t have a network when I returned to Cranbrook at the end of the summer of ’16 so I work for others. I have always been good at self-employed. My ideal world would have a good mixture of the two. Something solid to pay the bills and my own clients who I don’t want to let go. I am manifesting that for myself. The next couple weeks will be crucial to what direction my life takes now.

I do know one thing, today I was like the frog who boils to death rather than jumping out of the pot. I live and work in a mobile home. When I got up this morning and did my walk about the yard I noticed some frost damage on the sensitive plants. By the time I was done work it was 27 Centigrade and my home had warmed up to 23 inside. I hadn’t noticed but thankfully I had been drinking lots of water all day. I had planned to mow the lawn so I could set up my pool as there was a forecast of hot weather but it was too hot and I was too tired from it to mow. Tomorrow, maybe.

During the day there was a knock at my door and my friend Diane and her daughter Zoe were here to drop off the cutest door hanger that that sweet girl insisted I must have. It makes my heart happy when people see things and are reminded of me. We are talking about maybe me going over there for a backyard distanced visit this weekend. I can’t wait!! I shall expand my bubble by the last family I had dinner with on Friday March 13th.

I was finding the L key on my keyboard sticking so I got a Qtip and the spray cleaner for my glasses and it was disgusting how much yuck there was just on the surface. Now I need to take it apart and really clean it!!!

I watch all the 90 day Fiancé shows and was fascinated by a comment from the guy in South Africa and had to go look up the situation. All tobacco and alcohol sales are forbidden there during quarantine!!! I can’t even begin to imagine the added stress that has put on people, especialllllllllllllllllllllly (oops stilll sticking) bad relationships. It must be a bootlegger’s paradise.

One of the stops I made when I was out the other day was at Home Hardware to pick up this deck box I got on sale and it is the perfect seat and storage for my motorcycle helmet and recycling. Once I got it allllllllllllllllll together I was thrilled that I had measured correctly and it fits there perfectly, tidying up my porch. Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllso, no more recycle blowing in the wind.

I made a delicious summery dinner and watched AGT and Ellen which I have taken to taping now as I so regulary llllaugh out loud and that is unusual for me watching TV. Got a lot more of my blanket together but it is getting too warm to do it inside. May have to sit out in the cooler evenings to finish it.

Did you know what the hole in the handle is good for? It seems so obvious once you use it.

Didn’t sleep well last night, hope to tonight. They say you can’t make up for lost sleep but I feel as though it is worth trying

The days of work just blend from one to another, getting it done. I am still having a hard time sitting for long periods and have to concentrate on sitting up straight. My Dr rang just after lunch and we had a great conversation. She is very good at understanding I don’t reach out for help unless I have tried everything first. She is convinced it is not my lungs nor heart but some terrible inflammation that to me feels as though it is weighing on both. She got me to pick up a Lab rec and also referred me for a breath test. Depending how those turn out I may have to head to a specialist. Enough is enough. I am nearing the end of month 7 with these issues and when they flare up I have ‘swishy’ brain and vertigo as well. I just chocked the brain issues up to concussion syndrome but now it is moving down. But enough about me. Ha-ha. The lab was crazy empty. It is normally standing room only but there were only seats for 5 very spread apart and a hall monitor who just kept circling and sanitizing. Felt very secure.

After work I spent some time watering all my flowers and discovered an interesting item hanging from the side of my house. I hope to see what comes out of it! Got lightheaded and had to sit for a bit in the comfy chair in the yard. I need to do that more often.

Oh and I got a new shirt in the mail that I ordered myself for my birthday. Took a long time but I love it!

Not mine… I got an email from work there was mail and paperwork for me to pick-up and at the same time there was one saying my garden items I had ordered at Home Hardware were ready for pick-up. I masked up and headed out. Quick stop at work to grab my stuff from the table in the hallway and then off to HH. There was a long well spaced line outside and I parked far from it and wandered within earshot of the employee monitoring the line to ask how i pick up my order. He said I had to go in and I told him I was not supposed to yet and thought I could get curbside since I had ordered and paid online. He was very helpful trying to get it taken care of. Eventually a woman stormed out towards me and at about the 3 feet mark I suggested she stop where she was as there was a reason I wasn’t going in the store. Remember, I am masked and at a distance from everything. She truly must have been having a hard day as I was very pleasant and she was not. I did get a phone number from her and called the guy who could help me. His response was pleasant and immediate. He brought out my order and loaded it into my car and told me he had even santiized his hands and his pen before coming out so I could sign for my order. He apologized and I told him not to worry, I just couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong and then realized it just wasn’t me. These are trying times in retail. And now I know to call first to arrange pickup. I may like the Home Depot system better.

Last night before bed I realized I had lost my fitbit out of it’s holder during the day sometime and it was too dark to find it so I just hoped it survived the dampness of the night. This morning I wandered to the different places I had been in the yard and found it near the tire of the Willys where I had been putting the tarp back on. Yay! This is a Fitbit One which as near as I can tell can’t be replaced and I have had it for I think 6 years now. I wouldn’t want one I would have to wear on my wrist. This one clips to my bra (or waistband in Pandemic Land). I haven’t been very diligent as last week I had less than 13000 steps in 5 days where I was doing that much in a day, every day. I am cutting myself slack for being under the weather though. Using what energy I have to get small projects done and that feels good, which is important right now. I did get on the scale this morning and after being up for the last couple weeks, I am actually down 5 lbs from the beginning of my homestay program.

I am tired still though. Not sure if it is the brain drain or the slightly gurgly lungs but I hope it passes soon. I have a phone appointment with my Dr tomorrow and I hope we can once and for all figure out what is wrong with them. It’s all good as long as I don’t breathe, lol.

Sleep in Sunday and then continued crocheting while I watched The Hateful Eight. I know better, but I keep forgetting how truly bloody, Tarantino’s movies usually are. I suppose the saving grace is they are over the top so that it is bearable and strangely funny to see so much violence. I don’t know what that says about me… but I really liked it. After that I decided to sort my entire small writing desk in the living room where I shove papers of every sort. Before doing that I got distracted by the need to go put the tarp back over the 46 Willys which had manage to stay on all winter but couldn’t handle the winds the last few days. Then there were lilacs to pick and well, eventually I got at the work. While I was at it Ashlée stopped by and we had a very nice catch up at a distance. It is hard for her to be separated from her husband of only a year and a half as he is an American living part time in Kalispell Montana and was travelling regularly to be here with her until the border closed. It has been over 3 months since they were together and I feel for them.

I got all the paper sorted and was just settling down to work on my books when there was a knock at the door and my across the street neighbour was there with roses. OK, so it was parts of roots she had dug up for me to transplant. I had a chat with her and her husband who had had a stroke earlier in the week and startled the neighbourhood when the ambulance arrived. He seems to be doing well though. After I planted the roses in three locations around the yard I asked them if they would like rhubarb as mine was going crazy and I don’t use it. Tracy was thrilled and set Lorne to work picking and digging. They left me a small clump which I am sure will grow back heartily. She is taking root balls to her daughters. I am happy they are happy.

After all of that I finally got started on my own books and tax filing. As the saying goes: The cobbler’s kids go without shoes. By 10 pm I was finished and filed and plan to be much better organized this year!!!

oops I must have been tired, forgot to push Publish, lol. Thanks for letting me know, Diane!!!

I really did have some things to accomplish today and I mostly did… I also followed my nose, moving from this to that as I felt like it. I even went out and played in the rain in my jammies. My hair is soooo soft now. I did a little puzzling, made a nice omelette for brunch, and then finished my blanket to the point of crocheting the rows together. That may take me longer as I get hot working with it on my lap and have to keep setting it aside. I had a trifecta movie day too and am really glad I watched them in the order I did. Only happy thoughts at the end of the night.

Midnight Express came out in 1978 and all I remember was my mom saying something about a tongue. At 15 I was forbidden to see it. I am glad. It was a strong cautionary tale and aside from the soundtrack it was pretty amazing. Interesting fact, Brad Davis who played Billie Hayes died young from HIV and his son is currently an actor on Grey’s Anatomy.

Hugo, what a beautiful film. It was so easy to get lost in it. Amazing camera angles and POVs that left me enchanted. It reminded me a little bit of The Life Aquatic or The Grand Budapest Hotel in feel and delight.

And to complete my odd trilogy, Hot Fuzz. I do love crazy fun movies but didn’t realize quite how gory it was. All good fun though and I suppose I shall have to watch #2 now.

It has been strange the last two nights to hear the bubbles expanding, neighbours on each side having get togethers. I must say it is only noticeable because it is unusual. They have been respectful to shut it down at a decent time. I look forward to having people over in June. That is my plan, to stay as is until I feel good and well. Then a small sized round the fire get together outside.

I slept as long as I could and felt much better when I awoke. My upper ear doesn’t hurt anymore and I suspect the entire episode was an exacerbated infection. Don’t know how it started and hope it will be fully passed soon. By suffice to say today feels like a whole new week. I had the day off in lieu of my birthday in April and spent time on me. I got dressed up for Fabulous Friday and danced around my living room in my dress and madeup face.

I made a unicorn that Ashlée had given me last year.

I ate crab, drank wine, talked to friends and my Mommy and watched a facinating documentary about the Russian athletic doping scandal called Icarus. It really is so outside of reality as I imagine it that it comes across as a cold war spy movie but it is true.

Spoke with my neighbour across the street and the ambulance the other morning was because her husband had a stroke. She was so quick on it though he is home and doing well. What a relief. We made a plan to swap some plants tomorrow. I planted the Impatiens that Rae brought me yesterday. My yard is really coming along. Now if only the dreadful wind would stop so I could enjoy it.

Until then I shall keep crocheting

I used my inhaler, took my vitamins, ate at semi regular intervals and got my job obligations done today. In between I obsessively checked my health Portal for results, okay it was really only about 5 times and then less that 22 hours since the test was the glorious news that I was negative. No Covid-19! I feel a bit beat down by some people in my life at the moment, unappreciated. The love and support upon sharing that I was getting testef was like a great big hug of ‘Fuck the rest of you” we love her. It must lift the soul up to feel that people care if you are well, if you are on this planet. And not for what I can do for them but just for who I am. I hope I continually grow towards being a person who leaves everyone in her life with the feeling that they are wanted and appreciated just for being them. You see, I have been having lung issues as I have spoken of previously, situational asthma, compounded by stress. As things are opening up again, including our office, and I was having a very struggling day to breathe, I felt it best to rule out the worst. Now I can concentrate on getting better from what it is, rather that what it could be.

It was nearly 4 hours later when I got a call from a sweet woman letting me know I was negative. It was great to thank an essential worker and hear her say this was the best part of her job, making these calls. Yesterday when I was there to be tested they asked me what my profession was and replying that I was a bookkeeper and payroll clerk for an accounting firm illicited an ‘oh, you are an essential worker too”. Very kind to give that acknowledgement. Of course I only risk my sanity, not my life.

The wind all day and into the night has been crazy strong. I spent the afternoon with my Marvel Hero blankie on my lap. I worry about my staycation spot. Rae-Anne popped over after dinner with some plants for my garden and we stayed far apart as she assisted me to make sure everything was tied down. It all looked good in the twilight of 10 pm., we shall see what the morrow brings. I’ve washed down an anti-anxiety pill with a lovely dram of Oban. Off to sleep I shall go, no alarm tomorrow as I have the day off with pay in lieu of my birthday off.

The problem for me with any illness is I always try to work through it. Mind over matter. I generally get sick as soon as I take an extended break – Christmas for example. I have been known to put things aside for so long I get a lecture from the Dr. when I finally decide to do something about it. I have an inhaler now as I have had breathing issues on and off since the end of October which got really bad over Christmas. I haven’t had to carry an inhaler since I lived on Salt Spring (8 years ago) and usually that was an issue with wood stove smoke. I suppose it could be the same thing here.. in any case I am used to ignoring the fact I am having trouble breathing until it becomes overwhelming or causes a headache. On Sunday I noticed that a piercing I had done 20 years ago was infected. The important part of this story is that they shattered the cartilage in my upper ear and I was never able to wear anything so let it grow over. Yet here I am with a tender, swollen ear and when I finally decide to address it there is blood etc. coming out the front and back. How is that even a thing???? Two days after that began and continued to get worse I wake up yesterday with a sore throat, trouble breathing, sneezing, tiredness and the muscles around my rib cage ache. I called my daughter to find out about how she got tested and then called for a Dr appointment. I was able to get a phoen call to be mede to me in two days. I decided I couldn’t wait and called the 811 Line for Covid-19 assistance.

Skip to today and my ear is getting better but my cough tries to make me either pee or puke. Yep, not pleasant, at all. I am shallow breathing instead, still sneezing and head and muscle aching. I do make it through my day of work although I take more frquent breaks to go walk outside and breathe. At 4:45 I head up toward the Health Unit and park in time to call the number I was given. I go through the confirmation of who I am, am told to wait and they will call me as soon as the nurses are ready for me. I am called and told to leave all but my keys and care card in the car and come up to the glass door. I enter and am greeted with cheer and caring. I am to clean my hands, put on the mask, show my care card and read the number out, put it away and clean my hands again. Put hands together in prayer or interlocking and follow to the other room. There I lean my head back and a swab is inserted in my non-pierced side pretty far up. It has to stay there for 10 seconds (or what feels like an episode of Jerry Springer because I want to hit that bitch) to be effective, it burns a little and when she pulls it out my eye waters. This she says is an indication she got to the right spot. I am told I was amazing, not a twitch but I have had deviated septum surgery and there is nothing on this planet that would convince me to get a nose job. It was one of the worst things I have ever experienced. This was it’s baby cousin. I had to clean my hands again, remove my mask to the garbage and then clean them again before I left. I was very thoroughly informed every step of the way and what would happen next. Seems within 48 hours, likely 24 I will have result on my Health Portal. I will receive a call from the Health professionals if it is negative and from the BC CDC. That is comforting that it will be known so soon and they will let me know either way. I am grateful to live where I live. It is likely I have a cold or other bug but it is important I don’t join the Stage 2 opening if there is a chance I have something.

I am on full lockdown until May 27th at least or a negative result and no symptoms left. I am again reliant on my Ashlée.

My only rambly thoughts today were about being in the class of 1980. I am sure somewhere in the world exists a paper I would have wrtten about the very distant future. I am sure the my 16-17 year old mind would have thought 2020 would have included the undersea world I envisioned living in. I had a plan to build bubble pod housing on the ocean floor. My peaceful place has always been in inner space. I know I could not have forseen face masks instead of diving masks, solo bubble living instead of air bubbles, enforced isolation instead of the freedom of the sea. Oh what reality this 40 years later has left on our plates. Were we part of the problem, should we have seen it coming? Did we inadvertently prepare by inventing the technology that allows us to survive it now?

eh, I’m sick, off to bed, tomorrow could be a big day, either way. Tra la.