I had the chore of Moms apartment still hovering over me. In spite of my ribs hurts from crying deeply last night Rae stayed at Moms side and I headed to her apartment. I was at first overwhelmed and needed to figure out what to do with the remaining furniture. I sorted things into a pile for me, and things spoken for and emptied and washed all the Tupperware storage containers, finished emptying the fridge and freezer and then my anxiety was overwhelming me so I headed back to the hospital. Rosie and Uncle Lawrence were there with Rae. Rosie said I needed to just hire someone with a truck to help. Roger and the boys had taken two loads but had to take off. I was gratified their help.
Dee-Anne Crozier showed up and she and Rae reached out to friends. I reached out to Erin Pan and between them an amazing group arrived. Gene’s friend Lukas took the remaining furniture to the thrift, Ryan and Remy to several loads to thrift and stuff to my place, Monica and Galen took all the assistance items back to Refd Cross and were happy to have moms two antique dressers that she really wanted to have and Paul showed up to help where he could and took away the recycling and garbage. A Mom brought her daughter who was so happy to have the small table and chairs and a lamp. None of them would accept any money. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and told that that is what family does.
All that was left was the bed frame that Roger will pick up, the items that Maddi will take for her apartment, and the electronics that I must return to utilities
I returned to find Mom struggling to breathe.
I raced home to shower, drop off things for the freezer and returned
Everyone had to leave and Monica had said I could text. I asked her to come as I knew my anxiety was signaling
We sat on each side sipping wine and chatting about our parents and Mom was gurgling. She took a last gentle breath with us holding her hands and Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah playing as they declared her gone at 10:56.
We went outside and I called Greg, then Rosie and each of my kids. I will let her friends know tomorrow
Back in the room we moved the furniture back into the lounge and tidied up before I left a note to the people we had shared this tough time with in the adjoining room. Jenna and Kalee gave me big hugs and I had one last conversation with one of the confused ducks in the hall on my way out.
I am home now. I can’t go to bed yet. I will let my body adjust and tomorrow I will feel all the feels.
She has her wings, the pain is over after a most unusual journey. The doctor was stunned that her cancer progressed so quickly and that she held on so long.
The night was tough. Mom’s breathing was so rough that I had to ask for earplugs, and I could still hear her, which gave me some comfort.
I had extremely jumpy legs. The nurses even mentioned that every time they came in my legs were jumping because I haven’t had treatment for my ankle. I have had to cancel my Physio, my shots and my mornings in the hot tub. Happy legs were not my friend last night.
When I did fully wake up, Rae was by the other bedside and Greg was in the family lounge attached to her room.
Then Day nurse walked in and it was the one that Mom doesn’t like from when she was in hospital before. I took a big breath and addressed Tatania letting her know that it was very important to me that Mom doesn’t get moved or spoken to too much, etc. and she was very understanding and said to me that who she is in the other rooms is encouraging people so they can get home and who she is here understands, and she was shocked to see how fast the decline was She turned out to be absolutely lovely all day 
I went home to have a shower and change my clothes as it was day three wearing them and while I was gone, Greg headed for home
I have many feels about that, but I am choosing not to lose my brother and my mom at the same time. We clearly deal with things differently.
Rae had to go to work but I knew that Rosie would still come. She showed up with coffee in hand and a while later uncle Lawrence showed up. He has really surprised me as it is very much hurting him to watch his big sister like this, but he sits and holds her hands for hours at a time.
The doctor showed up and it was decided to up her dose of hydromorphone so we didn’t have to keep pushing the button every 10 minutes to double her dose she is now on a 2 mg dose and I am to be careful not to push the button too often as that would be doubling the dose again
I’m sure that there were many things in the day but honestly, it is becoming a blur as I begin my burnout
I went out for a smoke earlier yes I quit smoking October 16 and started again last week if I haven’t mentioned it sooner. I returned to her stressed out again and this time she was saying I love you. I love you sorry.
I think that was the saddest thing ever as she has said sorry when I have to pick her up for appointment, etc. thinking she is interrupting my life and now I think that she is sorry her body has not let her go
Ran up after work and Rosie and Lawrence left
Ray had to go as there’s a lot going on their home as the homestead students are leaving and she needs to be there. I was grateful that Roger brought Ronan and Kael to say goodbye as I had bonded with those boys and they are heading home
I suddenly got a craving and figured the best thing that my stomach could except right now was sushi so I reached out to my friend Brett only to find out that he was in emergency with his daughter Riley, who I love so much as she had some rough house injury and a sore neck and they were worried about her. As it turns out she is OK thank God.
The next reach out was to my friend Monica. She is a counsellor for autistic children. Not only is she a good friend that I work with for children’s festival and many other things she has become a very dear friend over the last few years. I asked if she could pick me up some sushi and although she had other plans tonight, she made it happen afterwards.
The second she walked in and gave me a hug. I started to lose it so not wanting Mom to experience any of that. I just asked her if she could help me get through all this after the fact which she promised, and then she sent me out for a smoke where Jess was and Jess also has become a dear friend and I finally lost it. I sobbed and sobbed, and she helped me and let me talk and was so accepting and so reiterating that she and Monica have me and I will be OK after all of this they will make sure of it.
I came back up, feeling much relieved and sleepy. I enjoyed my food keeping some of it for breakfast because who doesn’t want sushi for breakfast?
I also returned to them having updated the dose on the machine, so I don’t have to worry about pushing her button every 10 minutes or more all night and the lovely nurse Kalee is our person tonight and she has been very thoughtful and very kind
Rae showed up with coffee before heading to work while I had a chance to go sit outside and pray that although she isn’t a church going believer, she believes there is a heaven and that I need God to take her soon.
Rosie came later after Greg had come and gone to do things.
Uncle Lawrence came and shared a sandwich with me
The Dr came and said they wanted to put her on the PCA pump that would sole out the pain meds more regularly than waiting for injection to her port.
Donna showed up just in time for Mom to have a very bad panic attack again. She kept saying help me and sorry to me. All along she has apologized to me for being sick which I have swiftly brushed off
Dee-Anne Crozier showed up with peanut butter chocolate cookies straight out of the oven
Once she was calmed down Roger arrived with Sawyer and A&W for all. Greg had bought Bumbu rum and over the course of the late afternoon and evening we all polished it off.
Everyone stayed for a bit but now Mom has a horrible sound happening
Amanda is a new nurse to us. She is a bit of loud energy but very on the ball
Greg just left
For 85 her skin is amazingAttempt to scam me todayLukas (17) and his girlfriend London at her grad prom
The night went well enough. Rae showed up and I was able to run home for a shower. Well, run my be incorrect as I am now in zombie mode, pushing myself to be here for her
Greg came and we sat for a while and then he went to her apartment to take care of some things. uncle Bryan and Auntie Lynne headed home. Rosie showed up. It was a tough day
She struggled with the med schedule. I find it odd that that is happening. Rae came and Rosie and I went to Wing night at F@B as I thought that was appropriate given I Hope mom gets her wings tonight. I had nearly finished eating when I got a call from Rae in tears and we rushed back.
Mom was in a full blown panic attack. She was calling out Listen Listen Listen end end end. Repeating Rae’s name and then to me, you are back. It took all our love and good meds to get her calm again. When the night nurse Michelle came on she had seen that her 4 pm meds were missed. It won’t happen again
Paula came by to visit. It was lovely and now we are two again
I grateful for Tracey spending time with Missy as she is not happy being alone so much
It is complicated for me to remember the dettails as the days go on. I know that Jeff Crozier dropped of a ton of food that go us t through the day and that we shared with our new friends occupying the room adjoining the lounge.
I know that I had a mini breakdown when I called to cancel my dentist appointment tomorrow
I know that o wasSuper blessed to go out for
Dinner with my cousin and uncle’s and aunt
I know that Greg ran out and got me the fancy crown
I know that even Google acknowledges horror acknowledges the horror
I know that I am grateful
I did get a call from the director tonight who was understanding when I cried and apologized for
I’ need sleep
Her meds for pain are every half hour now. I had to gently close her eyes that were staring at the ceiling. Nurse Jessica was witness to me saying I love you Mama and her muttering for probably the last time, I love you
I was glad that before falling asleep last night I asked nurse Euster for one of the rolling screens from the hall. I had her place it parallel to the window and throw a blanket over it. In the morning it blocked the blinding sun so we got another hour or so of sleep.
I left her with someone holding her hand and as I backed out I noticed something under my wiper and jumped out , thinking it was a ticket. It was actually a very thoughtful gesture from a stranger.
I met Ash at the apartment where she was in the chaos of sorting and packing. We sorted through a great deal of treasure and I really enjoyed the time with her
We found that the tea tray did in fact have her parents initials F and M on it
I went to the office and ran payroll. I did not want to be there but I got it done. It did feel good to have received a call from a past client, Sarah Langille who called with her week old baby girl in her arms. Sarah was interred in me helping her set up her husbands business in Quickbooks. We had a lovely chat and I ended up offering her a beautiful quilt mom had but didn’t use. She said she would love it. I told mom it was going to a family that loved quilts and had two young girls who would get lots of joy from it and she showed signs of happiness. Rosie put it in her car to drop it off for me
In spite of the high temperatures Uncle Bryan and Auntie Lynne, and mostly Ashlée got mountains moved sorting and packing up the apartment. We have found good homes for so much stuff to go to the hospital auxiliary thrift store. It was a very big job that I am so grateful for the three of them.
Before returning to the hospital for the night, I finally thought to pack sleeping clothes, my mouth guard and meds. I then stood outside admiring my crazy overgrown garden with all its blooms.
On my way back to sit with Mom, I stopped at Safeway and grabbed snacks for me and a bunch of items to bring back. I asked Google what good appreciation gifts for palliative care nurses would be. So I left with individual wrapped treats of goldfish, Hawkins Cheezies, two types of protein bars and bananas and I handed to our night nurse, Jenna, who would be on until midnight. Our person now is Jayden. We are so lucky to have them this evening. They say it may not be long.
Over the day her breath has become more full of long gaps and the pain meds wear off more quickly. Each of her grandsons came at different times to see her. I was here when Sawyer came and it was quite emotional. She did mumble , Hey Kiddo, and I love you as he left.
Elsie came and had a nice long visit. They had become such dear friend since moving into Joseph Creek Village. Roger and Tae popped in and then I set up my sentinel post to get some sleep
An oddity of the day was getting a call from Clayton, the patient concierge. Part of the conversation was that I was supposed to give 30 days notice but he thought he could wave it. Eat he does or gets a war…
Tired, must sleep, slow one handed typing is exhausting
Last night was so so very tough. At one point, I thought to plug my phone into the power bank and pull up YouTube and search the best versions of amazing Grace and Leonard Cohen hallelujah as those are the ones that mom wants played in her memory. I chose Il Divo for the first and a live version of the second. We played it on the loop for each song for a bit and then ended with playing a mixed playlist of Elvis her favourite whom she met when she was 16 I am told but I think maybe a bit older. It really calmed her and I got some more sleep until about 6 AM when the sun beating in through the blinds and heating up this room like a sauna made it impossible for me to keep sleeping no matter how much I need to.
The good thing is that later in the day when she was feeling stressed, I asked her if she wanted me to play the music and she was able to mumble yes and daughter had a wee bit, which let me know that it had worked last night as well
Mom‘s very dear friend Judy Cave came at 9 AM with coffee for Rae-Anne and I and breakfast sandwiches and then stayed with Mom for a couple hours while Rae and I went to the apartment. In all of the chaos, I had worked hard to make sure everybody got the things that they wanted and that granny wanted them to have, but I hadn’t actually taken a moment to have feels about what I would want to have. We spent some time sorting through things and pack one tote and some bags for me to take home to deal with at a later date. I actually almost ran back in to the apartment when I realized I had forgotten her kilt. It is way too tiny for me probably for any of us, but it meant so much to her that I had to make sure that I kept it from going to the thrift store. Ashley showed up and I left the keys so that she could keep sorting things and uncle Bryan & Lynne join her to pack boxes for the thrift store. I also went and gave notice verbally to be out of her apartment by 30 so we don’t have to pay another months rent as it is very expensive being that it includes meals and support and we are using none of that for me and June it has once again been very expensive storage $3500 a month
I was truly grateful for Judy being there and then other people showed up so that when I arrived, Greg was there holding her hand and I could be not worried. At one point it was myself Rosie and Donna here and I needed to go ahead to the audition for Cranbrook community theatre that I had booked sometime ago and there is a role that I very much want. Just before I left it was the time to give her her anti-anxiety medication so it was the best time for me to leave as she cling to my hand.
I was so grateful to put her walker in Donna‘s car to take to the Kimberly loan cupboard taken care of by the hospital auxiliary. Rayann also managed to find a home through her church for a woman who can really use Mom’s electric chair. It is a little bit worn, but it was that way when we bought it and I got a great cover off Amazon and took it home and washed it so it is all good to go.
Mid afternoon I had to takeoff so Donna and Rosie stayed with her. I had an audition for the community theatre that I had booked some time ago and I did not want to bail on it no matter the cost. It is a group of peers that I am auditioning for, but I wanted to do it right because there is a part in Blood Relations being put on this fall that I really want. Because of everything I didn’t have a memorized piece so I just grabbed one of the monologues off the counter and March into my audition to do a cold read. my friend immediately asked how are you doing Marnée and I said not to be rude, but could we have this conversation after I do this?
It turns out that the first line of the model that I grabbed to Reid was is very young when my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and there was nothing left to do but let her die
Suffice to say I nailed that audition and afterwards I even laughed and told them that that was an Oscar winning performance and explain the things that are going on in my world right now
I was offered hugs and then I was asked was there a specific role I was hoping for to which I replied that I am 63 years old, 5 foot three and over 200 pounds and that is the actual dimensions of Mrs. Borden the real life human that The play Blood Relations includes. I got big hugs and thank you for coming in spite of everything going on and just said hey mom wouldn’t let me cancel.
The family that is on the other side of our palliative care lounge acknowledge me when I went in to get a glass to pour a drink and I just smiled, but then a little bit later they came one of them to the door with a plate and we have meat and cheese and goodies here. Would you please come out with some food and it was funny cause only five minutes before I had said my stomach was growing as Rae and I had eaten so long ago. The spread was great of meat and cheese, etc. and vegetables, but I did speak up and say say well. The only thing I can offer is some crime royal, and everybody laughed and out of the group of about 10 of them, they all pointed at one woman who turned it out to be MaryAnn. We had a very good laugh, went and got some ice and I shared my car with her.
A while later when I was sitting with Mom, the door between our rooms opened and Uncle Tom had a full plate of fruit and vegetables and cheese and crackers for me and a muffin same. I did not take enough and he knew that I needed to eat. It’s amazing that we are both losing the matriarchs in our family and people have come from everywhere and yet we are here supporting each other.
Mom has not regained much consciousness today as far as communication, but it’s lovely that she overhears us because she has responded to a couple of things out of nowhere. when we are debating subjects. 
It was good to have an emotional moment and I went to my nurse of the day damn and said I need the book titled mama’s dead. What do we do now?
He was very confused by that at first and then realized what I was asking. I know the palliative care part and I know the funeral home part but I didn’t know what would happen in between.
He got a special team nurse trying to come and meet with Greg and I and we had a good talk so that Greg could understand what I had learned. We also found out from cousin Donna that we could put mom’s ashes in with her dad and mom and just put a plaque and that it is a lot cheaper than a full gravesite. It actually isn’t about being cheap so much as this will make mom happy. I was grateful to be able to share that with her and hope that she understood. She has always wanted to be cremated by being a spot where people could come and remember her.
There are so many things in the day of palliative care you spent so much time just sitting and holding a hand and yet so much still happens
Yeah, she did an amazing job hoping to get things sorted at the apartment. She kept sending pictures of things she wanted if I would want to keep or things that used, including the sexy cat lady nighty ha ha. she did stop by and hung out here for a while, which is good for us too connect and hard to sit with Ben for a while. I thought I might take a nap, but my body does not seem to want to sleep even though I need to.
I am currently in the big easy chair beside Mom’s bed with CMT. The channel that runs all the old sitcom shows in rerun. It’s funny to watch the background and one of factors who are now big stars. Last night, Patrick Swayze was on mash
I am about to tuck in. I have texted my client tomorrow and let her know that no matter what time I show up and get it done payroll will be run tomorrow.
I am doing OK. I am able to compartmentalize when needed and leak a little from the eyes otherwise my support team is huge. I don’t know if I could do this without Rae and now Ashlée’s help
Again it is a blur. I was glad when Bryan and Lynne arrived so that I could race home, shower and brush my teeth and head down to ensure safety barricades were in place for the Spirit of the Rockies parade that Rotary assists JCI with.
It was the best thing for me as I was able to detach from my current horrors, engage and interact with so many there for the fun.
The happiest moment in a long time was the CPKC train! I was grinning like a child at Christmas as it came by for the first time in our parade
After the parade a woman came up and asked if I lost my keys. Mine were still attached to my belt loop but as it happens I had lost my car fob. She was such a blessing to have seen where I was regularly standing and search me out.
It was so hot out that I felt sorry for them
Vroom vroom
After the parade I ran into my friend Sven who was heading into F&B and voted me to join. I did need a break so I popped in for a good visit with a number of awesome younger people in my life. My friend was back bartending after his knee surgery and upon learning about my Mom bought my drink.
It was finally time to head back but I had a level of dread. Mom’s energy was a lot lower today. She had freaked me out twice in the night hollering for me that she was dying. It happens that she thinks she slept well all night so I am letting her have that.
Elsie came to visit and that was good. Not long after Mom asked me to call Morleen as she wanted to say goodbye. This was the first time that I saw she accepted what was happening. It was very poignant.
The blessing of our day was Nurse Dan. He is a colon cancer patient in remission. He shared his story and fully advocated for Mom in the best way. He even came and wrapped my ginger that suffered the indignity of a nail rip.
Ashlée arrived from Calgary
Rae took me home to change, and we stopped for Crown.
Earlier I was wandering the hall to make a post to our family chat and inadvertently wandered into the other palliative room which we share a lounge with. I was crying and that whole damn family had been caring for me since. They all came down from Edmonton for their grandmother and I can say they are all incredible humans. There have been many hugs shared.
I am sure there are so many more details of the day but for now… I have our night nurses promise to wake me should she find on her hourly check in, that Mom is near or gone. I did promise that I wouldn’t leave her.
If I don’t know you and you are following along on this insane journey, thank you. If I do know you and you are still with me here, God bless and I love you xo
I fell asleep about 10:30 and was startled out of a very deep sleep at 12.35. I was so confused that I knocked my phone on the floor. Good thing Rae called again as Mom was in a state and needed me.
I stumbled to the bathroom to shower and wake up.
I arrived to find her overwhelmed by the night nurse she had who was trying g to put in a butterfly or port for shots. Mom didn’t understand what it was or what it was for. I calmly explained that it was the last needle she would ever have. She agreed. all three of us fell to sleep
We were all awakened by someone coming in and flushing the very noisy toilet.
When our day nurse Danae arrived we were so happy to see her and asked if we could have someone else to night as long as it didn’t get her in trouble. it was so.
Mom had a very good day and was so happy to get a bath. Greg and I had private time with her.
There were so many interesting moments in the day. I took Rosie, Bryan and Lynne to Moms apartment to get the photos from their side of the family. There were other items they were happy to have and use.
R&R brought me a bottle of Crown which was so kind. I shared, even with mom who had a few sips while visiting
Sawyer had a sad moment and we had a cuddle talking about it.
The night nurses Tess and Jess carried a recliner around for me to sleep beside Mom and even hooked up 02 for me so I don’t have to worry with no CPAP machine.
I wrote a post on Facebook ow that we think all dear friends have been notified. The lively messages are pouring in.
One of her special visitors was Gwen who usually lives across the hall.
The timeline is a blur. As of this writing I have been up 39 hours with one 45 min nap. the missed bits of last night were having a sip of Oban with mom to have her make face and declare ‘I don’t like Scotch’, seeing terrifying blood pressure readings, and chatting into the night about many things while Rae caught some sleep. I did go for about an hour around 3;30 am to take a shower and change clothes.
I was very happy when Bill arrived after 6 am with Breakfast Bagels, coffee and donuts from Tim Hortons. Rae and I were starving. Unfortunately I couldn’t get it all done as I am an emotional stress stomach person. Before school Roger showed up with Sawyer for a visit as GG had been asking for him. All he knows is she needed a hug.
Mom was anxious in the night so I was glad to have asked Greg to share location. every time she thought of it she would ask where he was and I could show her. It turned out to be a bit of fun following him across the province. He needed a big nap after he got here.
Uncle Bryan and Auntie Lynne arrived just before him. Mom had a lot of visitors, including everyone from yesterday, plus Judy Cave and her daughter, Paula, her dear friend, Morleen, and cousin Donna.
Morleen
Lunch was disgusting. Rosie tasted it and said it was broccoli. Her sheet specifically says no puréed vegetables.
The hardest part of the day for me was after Greig got there and I had to go let the nurse know that it was OK to take her off all of the IVs and move to comfort care only. I felt like I had just pulled the plug on my mom.
They have been keeping her regularly on hydromorphone, which is helping to prevent any pain and later in the afternoon I asked them to give her an anti-anxiety med. It turns out it comes in needle form, which gave her anxiety. I was able to calmly explain to her that they would put it in her leg and she wouldn’t feel it and that if she didn’t want it again, she didn’t have to have it, but I needed her to relax and get some sleep as she also had not slept at all. She seemed to have a fear that if she closed her eyes, she wouldn’t open them again. They will be closed for 10 minutes and then they would dart open and she would look for me. She agreed to take the shot and it took a very long time to kick in before I noticed her hands unclenching and letting go of the call bell which she does not need with us there. everyone was watching the Canada versus Qatar FIFA game and she was actually trying to understand it and became a little bit discombobulated with her talking, but also was calm and seemed to be very much enjoy enjoying herself. I asked her what it felt like inside her head and she said relaxed. So yeah, my mom was stoned.
We were incredibly blessed by the Crozier’s picking up and treating us to food trays of meat, cheese and fruit first thing in the morning to feed the masses as we have a nice lounge space attached to her room. Also, I’m not entirely sure who paid for it, but I suspect Rae and Roger, had Gene pick up pizza and sides for dinner. It was so nice for none of us to have to leave.
We had an incredible nurse Danae for the day and she was a super blessing when she came on shift to find everyone confused about what level of care was supposed to happen and she just listened to me and talk to mom and was a godsend.
At the shift change at seven and new nurse came on who had a name I can’t pronounce so she gave us a nickname Atalla to use. She had specifically come to the room because mom needed to use the bed pan and after she was done, she didn’t open the door between the lounge and the room, but I caught her out in the hall to ask about medication’s. When I went back in the room, Mom was very upset and Rae-Anne was trying to comfort her. I felt that she had been disrespected by the woman, and I promised her that going forward Rae or I would always be in the room. It took a while to calm her down as it had undone all the positiveness of the drug.
I’m agreed with Rae that I should come home and get some sleep that that she would be OK in Rae’s hands. They both knew I was going to get sick if I didn’t get some sleep soon. So if I went with promises that they would call no matter what time if needed.
A special part of the day was sitting just with Greg talking about things from the past and about packing up mom’s apartment, which I’m hoping he can help me do before he goes as I will be sending some stuff with him home for his kids and anything that he wants
Was he ever surprised to find out? I was born in Prince Rupert and apparently Uncle Bryan didn’t know that either. Ha ha we are so close and yet there are these odd details that we don’t know about each other. Of course that’s part of my story not being a part of that side of the family. But I gotta tell you I sure love them. I spent a lot of time sending messages to Mom’s friends and responding to them and to other family members again. I got a great call from Cousin Kim. I forgot how much I love her and want to spend time with her. We made a vow to do so.
For the second time in 5 days I have a Mom in palliative care. Mom had a very bad day and they did a bunch of tests and she is septic. Her health directive is no drawing things out. I spoke with the Dr who was so kind and then we spoke with mom who agreed to just keep her comfortable. I called Greg and he is driving up.
They moved her to the palliative care room with a family lounge attached. Her brother, Lawrence, cousin, Rosie, Roger, Rae and three of the boys spent time with her. I helped her FaceTime with other loved ones and we finally reached her other brother, Bryan and Lynne who are on their way from Blind Bay.
It has been rough. She is comfortably resting but her blood pressure keeps dropping. I just pray that Greg and Bryan get here in time.
Rae is going to stay while I go home and soak my leg, shower and maybe take a nap.
My friend Mark is also failing. He’s off to the hospital tomorrow and it doesn’t sound good.
I woke up in the night some time after 3 mtn time I then was wide awake at 6 so I got up to find a text from my brother at 3:19 my time that our stepmom had joined Dad at 2:10 pacific time.
I was so very sad and had a long cry.
I spent most of the day on my own taxes. Rosie took me for lunch at munch. It was a much needed break and vent.
I really love her. She has never done me wrong. I returned and filed my taxes just before heading to a Canada Day planning meeting. I owe a stupid amount of money sadly. It makes me wonder if it’s worth being self employed. $4700 of it alone are both sides of the CPP
I also owe a great deal of GST. Sigh
The meeting went well. I am the MC for the event
I spent an hour with Mom. She wanted me to come back in the evening but I had to say no. I don’t have it in me today
Gene’s birthday was nice. Hard to believe I have a legal adult grandson.
I miss the person that Donna once was. We have a history of 50 years. It hasn’t all been great but much was the best. She always only wanted the best for me.
I really am enjoying starting my day in the hot tub. I really enjoy that every afternoon Keri brings me a coffee to perk me up. Just a regular black Keurig coffee can work wonders mid afternoon. I am enjoying a very cheesy series on Netflix called La Brea.
I did not get my taxes filed today as planned But I did have a decent visit with Mom and was able to get home by seven for dinner
Mrs B, as she shall always be to me or as to others, Donna, is in palliative care. I wish I were there to hold her hand and tell her to go.
I really really enjoyed doing the Rotary newsletter today as I used the Rotary software it wasn’t as bad as a learning curve as I expected, and I already know what I will do different and better next time 
I woke up early and sat in the hot tub with my coffee before showering and jumping on to my Zoom with the ABCs. It was a small group of the Keyes, Madison’s and Carol-Ann. We had a lovely catchup before we all had to take off for other things. I am concerned about C-A and her big weight loss. She did say she is getting tests.
I headed out in time to make the Rotary ParticipAction walk at Idlewild park but was met by two fire trucks who were heading into are park. I turned and followed them. I jumped out and introduced myself as the park strata president and they came out and assured me it was a false alarm. That of course made me late. I parked in the lower lot and was able to catch some nice pictures from the other side of the lake and then connect. There were 20 of us including kids, some of whom were from JCI. It was a perfectly lovely temp for a few lops of the lake.
I joined Ashley after for a visit to the thrift store where she found me a too big but functional pretty dress for only $4 on sale and I also goi d a new pair of Italian shoes for only $8
We left our cars and cut through the alleys to stop for ice cream at The chocolate shop as we wound our way to the park for the pride celebrations
I came home for a short break before putting on my new dress and heading for a visit with mom. I received a text from Greg that our Dad’s widow, Donna is likely experiencing congestive heart failure. I hear this is her end. Mom is very depressed and giving up. I found out she was so down they got a student nurse to sit and read to her. When I asked why she didn’t call me she said she couldn’t call me on Saturday. That was only one Saturday in May when I was working children’s festival and I have been with her every other day since May 3rd. Sigh. She is declining fast. This is her personality to do so though… I did arrange Rae to go be with her for dinner as I couldn’t stay
I cried my way to Kimberley where I arrived just in time for dinner and love with all her family as it was Barry’s 80th today. Chris and his daughter Charlotte, Mark& Elaine and his daughter Sara, Adrian’s partner, Danielle, Brian and Christine with Riley and Caleigh, Fonna and Hogey, Danny and Terry, family friends, Marty and Valerie, and Rosie were there. So many are struggling with things right now that it was good to be together as a family.
My day began at 7 with a coffee in the hot tub. It was lovely. My day pretty much ended with a couple hours with Mom in mostly misery. She is having a lot of negative feels. I had to assist her completely to get her to eat. She said she feels ignored in the hospital, that she is someone ugly and useless now. I finally told her that I wish she hadn’t been told her diagnosis as she is now leaning into it. I reminded her that she had a bath and a pretty good day and needed to think positive but that she is allowed the feels as long as she comes through them.
Started the day in the hot tub with a coffee. Glorious
Rotary lunch was interesting as the guest speaker was absolutely convinced that I had worked with her at Staples. There was no convincing her otherwise. She ran after me to show me a picture of me and I laughed as it was my friend, April. I don’t think we are remotely interchangeable except in the way that we are both unique in our style.
Nathan Liewen
I received a call from Dr White to say they do believe she has Parkinson’s. It has thrown them off as she doesn’t have resting tremors. They will start her in a drug that should treat the muscle tightness.
I arrived to see mom after work just as she was telling the nurse that she wasn’t hungry and didn’t want dinner. I told her that her illness was giving her brain bad or no messages and that she had to override it to do what her body needed. She is depressed today and I had to put food on her spoon and hand it to her to get her to eat. I spent a good deal of time and made sure that she was going to get a bath tomorrow as she has only had two since May 3rd.
From there I went to Encore to meet Mike and Jenny. We bought a booth to see The Hip Replacements. I wore my fedora with the feathers that Dave gave me last time they were in town. Rae joined us and we had a fun night. I loved when Dave leapt off the stage and danced with me 🙂
Arrived at work to this waiting outside my office door. Such a kindness from a dear friend
After a productive Rotary Board meeting over lunch, Ashley and I went thrifting at the Hospital Auxiliary shop. I found a fun capybara shaped drink holder with a straw for Kerstin and a half price dress option for Alexa’s wedding in the summer. $5!
I had a long visit with Mom after work. I am getting more and more disgusted with the state of the third floor. there is still garbage all over the floor in the room she shares, she was wearing the same food stained gown as yesterday and I had to ask to ensure she gets a bath soon as it has been over a week and a half. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I also have to mask up as there is a virus outbreak
It was an incredibly busy jump around between clients day
In the middle of it all, I got a call from the new nurse practitioner at the hospital who will be looking after Mom’s care. She had met with the doctor and she wanted to know more from me about background in my observances because they think that she has Parkinson’s. Due to my dramatic experience, looking after my grandfather when I was a teenager who at the time they thought had silicosis and Parkinson’s disease I blanked out many of the symptoms but it also makes sense why I have known for so long that something else was wrong. I also don’t feel bad for pushing her all these years that’s she’s been here as the best thing is to keep her body and mind active.
She has all these symptoms
Hard to know the onset, still some tests to confirm.
triumphgal 